ALL THE REST –    May 10
  

 

Today's Quotations –  Insults to Americans 

 

quote
California is a fine place to live in -- if you happen to be an orange.

–   Fred Allen
radio comedian

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If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.

– General Philip H. Sheridan

 

  
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 The thing that impresses me most about America is the way the parents obey their children.

– Duke of Windsor
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American women expect to find in their husbands the perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.

–  W. Somerset Maugham

 
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What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it.

–  Margot Asquith

 

Today's Short Words of  Wisdom



I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. 

Abraham Lincoln 

 

word puzzle
  Today's Word – PRODIGIOUS 
   

 


 pro·di·gious adj. 1. Impressively great in size, force, or extent; enormous: a prodigious storm. 2. Extraordinary; marvelous: the young Mozart's prodigious talents. 3. Obsolete. Portentous; ominous.

"One of my leadership techniques is my power of observation, combined with a prodigious memory," Carpathia said.

Left Behind
Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

Definitions from American Heritage Dictionary

 

Today's Fact

 May is frog Month on the Daily Miscellany - I hope you enjoy these facts about amphibians. God is a marvelous architect and his sense of humor and creativity is expressed in these interesting creations.

firebg.jpg (2091 bytes)

Amphibians and FROGS
frogs.wmf (17124 bytes)  

Frogs and Toads


Frogs (More but lesser Senses)
Frog16.gif (2816 bytes)
Observers joke that frogs see everything that moves in one of three lights: if it's smaller than they are, it's a prospective meal; if its the same size as them, it's a perspective mate; if it's larger than them, it's probably an enemy. The sense of taste in frogs often appears to be present in only a small degree. All scientists, however, don't agree on the sense of taste in frogs. Some think that frogs have a very well developed sense of taste. Taste buds are found in cells distributed in most of the interior of the mouth. They are found on the tongue, jaws, and palate. Tests show that these taste buds are highly sensitive to salty, acid and bitter flavors. Anyone who has observed a frog sample a variety of insects over a time has probably seen them spit out an objectionable but or two.

Frogs possess two organs that function in the sense of smell. Chemical receptors are found in the frog's nostrils and the Jacobson's organ. By recognition of chemical clues the frog can home in on breeding sites guided by the strong odors of algae and decaying plant matter. The sense of smell is important to most animals for food recognition, this is less so for frogs. Recent studies with leopard frogs, cane toads, and the Western toad indicate that these frogs can identify prey solely by olfactory clues. At the present time it appears that frogs do not use chemical secretions or pheromones to sense or attract their mate.

Hearing is probably the second most important sense to the frog after sight. The sense of hearing in the frog is quite keen, but not as well developed as that in humans. Hearing is important in finding a mate and in establishing and identifying territorial areas. The main receptor for sound is the tympanum, a membrane stretched across a round or oval cartilaginous ring behind the eye. The tympanic membrane absorbs sounds in both air or water. The frog's hearing may be the most acute when the tympanum is half exposed to air and half submerged in water. In most frog species the tympanum is larger in the male than in the female. A few frog species completely lack a tympanum.

For frogs, sounds seem simply to reinforce visual awareness. A sudden large noise will not startle a frog into action, but simply put it more on guard and ready to flee. The frog seems to require vision to fully interpret the sounds it hears. Frogs require a visual stimulus before their motor response kicks in.

Sources for the Amphibian - Frog series include:

Encyclopedia of Reptiles and Amphibians - Editors: Dr. Harold G. Cogger, Dr. Richard G,.Zweifel, Academid Press
Frogs - Text: David Badger, Photography: JohnNetherton; Voyageur Press
Groliers Encyclopedia
Microsoft(R) Encarta(R)
Encyclopedia Britanica

Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being.
Psalm 148:5 (NLT)

 

 

clown
Today's SMILE

 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

  
   

 

 

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

A FEW SMILES   

Real Talent

smile10.gif (11018 bytes)One day a frog hops into a bar, jumps up on the stool, and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no, so the frog hops away.

The next day, the frog hops into the bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no, so the frog hops away.

The next day, the frog hops into the bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender say, "No, I don't have any grapes, and the next time you ask, I'll nail you to the wall."

So the frog hops away. The next day, the frog hops in and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" the bartender says no, so then the frogs says, "Well in that case, do you have any grapes?"

The President goes to School

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY". One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a TRAGEDY."

I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a TRAGEDY."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"    

Source:David A. Rinke II / Funny Pages Mailing List

Hard Workers

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county, " one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hold and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.

Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."

A Psych Lesson

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A Couple of Short Ones

Q. What does a pig put on sunburn?
A. Oinkment.


Q. What has orange hair, big feet, and comes from a test tube?
A. Bozo The Clone. open!"

Young at Heart.
Slightly Older in Other Places.

 


Daily Miscellany Comics

 

Have A Great Day

Phillip Bower

 

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Copyright Information: Phillip Bower is not the author of the humor, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to the jokes. Sources of jokes are listed when known. Birthday's and Happenings for the date, and quotations are public knowledge and collected from numerous sources. Quotations are public knowledge and sources are listed when known. Weekendspirations are written by Tim Knappenberger who has copyright privileges. Cathy Vinson authors Whispers from the Wilderness and owns copyright privileges. Weekendspirations and Whispers from the Wilderness are used with permission by the respective authors. Other devotions are written by Phillip Bower unless otherwise stated. In all cases credit is given when known. The Daily Miscellany is nonprofit. Submissions by readers is welcome.