 Who is Superior?
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal
from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the
Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by
challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never
held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack
Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and
agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his
success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon
Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
From djdenham@whidbey.net (Denny J. Denham)
Another Way
A duke was hunting in
the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery
targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this
incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a
bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the
center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did
you?" asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold
holy."
"That is truely astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my
service." The boy thanked him profusely. "But I must ask one favor in
return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an
outstanding shot."
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint
the target around it."
from:Funny Pages
Mailing List" funny-pages@plato.ens.gu.edu.au
There was this Texan who died and went to heaven.
Upon arrival, the Texan could nothing but complain how much smaller things were in heaven
than they were in Texas.
After days of complaining, God took the Texan and said "follow me."
He took the Texan to the Gates of Hell and said: "Have you ever seen anything like
that in Texas?"
The Texan, in total dismay, replied...."Noooooooo!"
"But," the Texan said, "I've got a lot of friends in Houston who can put it
out!"
A
one-armed fisherman tells no lies...
"It was this big!" |
Staking out a notoriously rowdy bar for possible
D.U.I. violators, a cop watched from his squad car as a fellow stumbled out the door,
tripped on the curb and tried 4 to 5 cars before opening the door to his own and
falling asleep on the front seat.
One by one, the drivers of the other cars drove off. Finally, the sleeper woke up, started
his car and began to leave. The cop pulled him over and administered a Breathalyzer test.
When the results showed a 0.0
blood-alcohol level, the puzzled policeman asked him how that was possible.
"Easy," was the reply. "Tonight was my turn to be the decoy."
from: jokes@gag-o-matic.lowcomdom.com
Teenagers went to Oak Island to search for the legendary treasure of
Captain Kidd. After thorough searching they came across the cave where
Kidd had hidden his most prized possessions. They were afraid that if they were
caught they would be arrested and the treasure confiscated. So the leader of
the group hid the loot inside his grandfather's apiary.
He then notified the rest of his group: ... "Booty is in the beehives of the
older."
from: A Time to Smile
Zondervan
TRUE FACT ...
Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year
olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.
SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford
University |
About 40% of the human body is muscle. There
are 639 muscles in the human body. The bulkiest muscle in the human body is generally the
gluteus maximus. This is the buttock muscle that extends the thigh. The muscle where most
'shots' are given by nurses. HOWEVER in a pregnant woman the normally one ounce uterus
will increase in size. The womb can increase in weight to over 2.2 pounds, an increase of
40 times its normal size. This muscle can become much larger than the gluteus maximus of
the most successful body builder
