December 29 -2000 - All the Rest

Time is an herb that cures all diseases.

- Franklin

Man seems to be deficient in nothing so much as time.

- Zeno

Whatever passes away is too vile to be the price of time, which is itself the price of eternity.

- Massillon

Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.

- Hawthorne


The Mantids

The ancient Greeks called these insects prophets, or diviners.

insects

The mantids are medium to large sized insects with a long neck (prothorax). Their head is triangular and freely movable on this thin neck. The forelegs are also elongated and designed for seizing and holding their prey -- generally other insects. Their forelegs are held in front of the mantid's face when stalking their prey. This pose looks like one of prayer or supplication. It is from this pose that many of its popular names were derived. The ancient Greeks called these insects prophets, or diviners. The Romans refered to them as soothesayers. The Arabs thought that they prayed constantly with their faces turned toward Mecca. The insects were also given the names of: nuns, saints, mendicants, and preachers. To the less inclined to goodness they were called mule killers, rearhorses, and devil horses.

There are mainly two insects in North America that are called a praying mantis. Stagmomantis carolina can be found from Cuba and Mexico north to New Jersey. This species is most common in North America. It is about 2 inches long, and is green and brown. Tenodera sinensis is native to Japan and China, but can now be found in southeastern North America. It is a larger insect and may be 4 inches long. This mantid is often brighter green. There are other species in the United States that are brown and gray.

All mantids are slow in their movements. Their flight is labored, on wide, short wings. Their gait on four legs is slow and combined with much rocking of the head and body. Though their ambulation is slow and seemingly awkward, the lunge with the spiny forefeet as it reaches for its prey is lightning fast. The captured victim is held tight in the spiny claws while the mantid consumes it with its chewing mouthparts.

Individual mantids of the same species often fight to death, and the victor eats the looser. In the Orient, the large green mantids have been kept as pets. At one time, mantid-fighting, was something of a sport. One hungry insect was pitted against another, with wagers on which was to be the dinner and which the diner. Most often while mating is taking place, the female mantid will eat the male mantid. Young mantids after hatching from their eggs may turn cannibal and eat their younger brothers and sisters as they emerge from the egg capsule (oothecae).

Sources: |The Handy Science Answer Book - Visible Press | Audubon Nature Encyclopedia |

"Let every created thing give praise to the Lord,
for he issued his command, and they came into being. "

Psalm 148:5 (NLT)

Today's SMILE

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

smile6.gif (2723 bytes)

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did *not* cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this *chicken* doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road? "But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out why it crossed the road.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Darwin #1: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

The Pope: That is only for God to know.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

It is said that the following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. :

MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap.
Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoyiny telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit! .

An eager, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a large house.

"Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you need done."

The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition in his younger days.

"Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."

The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...

Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes dripping paint, and knocks again.

"Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it was a Ferarri."

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an    English university and was living in the hall of residence    with all the other students there. After he had been there    a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people.

The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and    won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

"I know that smart alec Tex" said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new car he bought as soon as he gets back"

"Not Tex" said the second. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than any of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now"

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted "Audi, partners!"

Forgive Me for the Blonde Joke - You can substitute whatever.

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead,
and the other a blonde.

The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

Well, by now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"

TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

Happy New Year

A Month After Christmas

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter
disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

When all else fails manipulate the data.

Daily Miscellany Comics

Have A Great Day

Phill Bower

Soul Food December 29

Today in History December 29

THE REST – December 29

Today's Quotations — TIME

Today's Word – ENNUI

Today's Fact