FRIENDS

by Tim Knappenberger

On the other hand, Tom and I couldn't have come from more different backgrounds. Tom grew up in a Serbian-Lithuanian , Catholic home in Steubenville, Ohio. He's a Viet Nam Vet who saw it all, came home from war, dropped out of college, then tried it all. Tom is a postman (Don't worry. He's very safe and doesn't own an Uzzi!) He has a voracious appetite for reading which he uses to control his Tourette's Syndrome. Despite my six years of college, he's read far more than I ever will.

If you were to ask what Dave and Tom have in common, the only thing you'd probably point to would be me. However, you'd be wrong. Both men are Christians. Both are very spiritual. Both love their families deeply. Both are very wise and intelligent. Both are hard working. And, most importantly to me, both are my friends. Throughout the past 18 years, Dave has always been there when I've needed him. He tells me the same thing. There have been numerous "Can-you-drop-everything-and-meet-me-tomorrow?" calls. Dave and I have grown older together, gone through career moves together, raised our kids together, and wrestled with God together. Tom and I have only known each other the past 5 years or so. Nevertheless, we have found a spiritual bond as well. We too have spent hours over coffee plumbing the depths of God's love and agonizing about the adolescent hormones that run amuck under our roofs. I love Tom and Dave. Tom and Dave love me.

I'm an only child. Only children sometimes wrongly convince themselves that life can be lived alone. Only MALE children are even worse. Men suffer and die from stress-related illness much more than women. It's not because men are biologically more vulnerable to stress. It's because they often lack adequate social supports in their lives to help them through stressful times. Why do you think the Promise Keepers movement has made so much of the malady of male isolation? As a counselor, I've heard from too many people, many of them male, about how they wished they had someone they could turn to. Someone they could trust. Someone they could tell ANYTHING to. Sadly, they don't. Why? Because the wrong time to make a friend is in the middle of a time you most need one. Friendships don't come in the "powdered variety" where you can "just add water and stir." I know you women out there may be thinking, "No kidding, duh!" But we men are not as socially adept as you. We have a lot to learn.

Friendships are not easy. They not only take time to grow, but sometimes they're inconvenient, frustrating, and costly. Nevertheless, if they are genuine and sincere, they are worth their weight in gold. Created in the image of God, we are created for fellowship. Notice in verse 12 of Ecclesiastes the phrase "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 2 friends relying on each other. So why 3 strands? Tom, Dave and I can tell you. Every time we're able to pair off, our fellowship is made sweeter and stronger because of the spiritual presence of that 3rd strand. "Where two or more of you are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of you."

The time to make a friend is NOT when you most need one.
Vow to begin a new friendship before this year.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Please drop Tim a line at   knapp@raex.com