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My Very Special Kids
My very special kids are the 12 - 19 year old emotionally troubled children that I work with, as a nurse, on a locked psychiatric ward.
Some of them are murderers, rapists, thieves, arsonists, and assaulters. We evaluate many kids for the courts after they have been arrested for these crimes. Some of our patients are already convicted in a juvenile court of one or more of these crimes. Others have attempted suicide, or have assaulted family members until their families can no longer handle them.
It is easy to blame this on these kids' parents. Yes,in some cases, the kids have been verbally, sexually, physically, and emotionally assaulted...horrifically. In other cases, their parents may have been under the influence of drugs while pregnant. Still others are children of chronically mentally ill parents, or have been in foster or group homes virtually from birth.
But not all of my special kids have parents to blame...many of them have caring parents (or parent) who wonder, "What have we done wrong?" There is no easy answer. But we try... I constantly seek answers to help these kids see that there is a future...and it can be a wonderful future, if they MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Update, April 17, 1998- Well, here I am in the middle of the night again, can't sleep, for a multitude of reasons. I am still working with my kids, although starting May 1st, I will be changing from second shift to first, a move that is hard, because I hate getting up in the morning (I'm a night owl) but is a good thing for several reasons. I will be able to spend more time with my biological son, who needs that; he will be 5 years old on the 25th....wow, does time ever fly.
Also, I will be able to be a more functional part of the "Treatment Team"....a multi-disciplinary group of people who meet every weekday morning on the unit to discuss the fate & goings-on of our patients. I will also be able to work with a lot of people I like and respect a whole lot, and get away from having to work with the true nurse from hell. And that's putting it kindly. :o) Many of my kids who were patients when I started over a year ago there are back, some of them for the 4th or 5th time. They feel secure there, even when they swear they hate it. And they do whatever it takes to bring them back. I don't know how to break that cycle.... I just know that I love 'em.
Update August 7, 1998-- Here I am at home, I've been off for almost a month now. I injured my shoulder during a physical restraint of a patient at work. This child was without a doubt one of the more violent I've seen yet.. and in my year and a half (or so) on my job, I have seen more violence than you can imagine... after we transferred this child to our sister facility, he broke a staff member's arm... I miss my kids at work horribly, but I needed a break. Sometimes it really gets to you and you feel as though you're getting nowhere fast...it's hard to explain unless you are there. My shoulder is a real problem, and right now I am having physical therapy to get it back in shape so I can return to work...but the time away will hopefully restore some of my patience, and my hope for the future. I need strength to continue this job until retirement....mentally, spiritually, and physically.
UPDATE!!!! October 20, 1998
Good news!!!! I was out shopping at Target today, and guess who came up and tapped me on my shoulder and made my whole month brighter??? one of my very first patients, lets call her "Brenda". She was one of our most violent, drug-addicted, poor-self-esteemed patients... saw no hope for this child... she looked WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! Like a 17 year old should look....healthy, happy......she was applying for a job, and has been adopted by a real family....Thank you whatever higher power there is, thank you so much for helping with this girl, and for giving me a sign that I MUST go on in this job.... I absolutely MUST...I am so proud of her!!!!!!
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Thanks for taking time to read about my very special kids...remember, they are OUR future.If any of you reading this needs help, advice, or just a shoulder to cry on, PLEASE email me or leave a message when you sign my guestbook,and please DO sign my guestbook before you leave!!! Kids...if you are reading this and are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else,PLEASE TELL SOMEONE. No one can help you with your problems if you are dead. Please talk to someone first!!!
