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Sex on the Beach A - Z Guide to a Saucy Summer |
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If you want sizzling sun, sea, sand and sex on your summer holidays, here's Sarah Headley's hot A - Z Guide to show you how. (Sun Woman, Wednesday June 20th 2001). |
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A is for Afternoon : To soothe and titillate an overcooked partner, keep a bottle of aftersun lotion in a cool place, preferably a refrigerator. Blindfold your lover and slowly drizzle the lotion over his burnt contours. Hopefully, the healing process will be speedy enough for you to jump on board and coat your own burns via a body-to-body massage. |
N is for Nudist Beaches : Most countries have them and though they are not always a pretty sight, you and your man might find the experience of going au naturale sexually stimulating. |
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B is for Bikini Bondage : String bikinis usually look better tied round a bloke's wrists than they do around a bum. If your skimpy bikini results in serious over-spill, put them to better use with a bout of bondage. |
O is for Oral Stimulation : Talking dirty takes on a whole new twist when you introduce a foreign language. It doesn't matter what you say, it's how you say it that counts. For example, "La comida era muy buena." will thrill his senses when whispered passionately in his ear, even if it is the Spanish for "The meal was very good." |
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C is for Culinary Delights : The libido of Mediterranean men is due partly to their diet. It makes sense then to fuel your foreign fornication with samples of the local grub. French favour artichokes, Italians prefer basil as a libido-booster, often combined with garlic and pine nuts in a pesto sauce, while Greeks love asparagus tips as foreplay fare. |
P is for Photographs : When taking saucy snaps please remember that processing houses will not develop pornographic pics. |
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D is for Do Not Disturb : Make sure you keep one of these signs on your door, so an impromptu early morning romp is not interrupted by hotel staff. |
Q is for Quickie : Grab them while you can. Don't wait until you get back to the villa to live the vida loca. |
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E is for Excursions : Don't go on organised tours with the bucket and spade brigade. Plan your trips outside popular visiting times to indulge in extra-curricular activity. |
R is for Risks : Don't take any. Always use sunscreen and in the event of an, er, event, always use protection. |
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F is for Foreigners : If you don't like the advances of Johnny Foreigner, here's some help to get rid of them. Spanish : Clench your fist, jerk your hand and bang it on your right shoulder. It means : He isn't good enough to be dirt on your flip-flops. Greek : Spread your fingers upwards, then push your hand forward. It means : Here's poo in your face. French : Play an imaginary flute. It means : He's boring you. Italian : Pretend to pull spit from your mouth then flick it at him. It means : I spit in your face. |
S is for Sarong : An ideal blindfold for use in kinky holiday tricks. Just make sure you shake the sand off first. |
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G is for Goggles : The beer variety prove popular on holiday, making the ugliest of people attractive. Use this to your advantage, or avoid giving out your address back home after your fourth bottle of San Miguel. |
T is for Theme Parks : Adrenalin rushes arouse the libido. Try jet skiing, paragliding or theme park white-knuckle rides to get you revving. |
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H is for Holiday Reps : They are like junk mail. They work on the principle that the more doors they knock on, the higher their success rate – and it works. Make sure it's not you. |
U is for Underware : Why cover your white bits – leave your underware at home. |
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I is for Iced Lollies : In heatwaves, iced lollies taste great and feel even better. Slowly glide your favourite flavoured lolly over your hunk, then lick off the juices. |
V is for La Vida Loca : Follow in Ricky Martin's flamenco footsteps and begin your foreplay on the dance floor by making your guy feel he is the only man in the room. |
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J is for Jugs : The preferred receptacle for exotic cocktails when shy girls need to loosen their limbs. However, be warned. Drunken abandon is fine with a long-term partner but don't place the same level of trust in strangers, no matter how good looking. |
W is for Water Sports : The downside to Aqua sex is that the natural lubricants are washed away. To enjoy a bit of splash and tickle, don't forget to pack a water-based lubricant along with your suntan lotion. |
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K is for Kama Sutra : Honing up on sexual technique by day will get you in the mood and educate you in how to get him in the mood too. |
X is for X-rated fun and games : Try this naughty fun. All you need is two dice, a piece of paper and a pen. On the paper, write the numbers one to six twice. Next to the first set of numbers write an action, and next to the second set of numbers write a body part. Then take turns in rolling the dice and act out the score. So, if you throw a one and a two, you might have to nibble your partner's next . . . I will leave the rest to your imagination. |
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L is for Lounger : This facilitates a number of positions you couldn't try at home. Begin by straddling your partner, give him a full frontal massage with sun tan lotion, then adjust his back rest to your preferred height and make hay while the sun shines |
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Y is for Yacht : The ideal vessel for secluded summer lovin'. But if you can't afford a yacht, hire a pedalo and peddle off to a descreet cove and enjoy some wave-enhanced rocking motion. |
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M is for Morning Glory : When holidaying with a fella, you may be woken by something other than an alarm clock. Make the most of it. |
Z is for Zest : Which is exactly what you'll need when following this A - Z of holiday sex. Bon Voyage. |
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