Stupid Metrication Lingo
 
Grocer Steve Thoburn was made a criminal in the UK for refusing to sell bananas by the kilo instead of the pound. (I'm surprised that he wasn't also found guilty of NOT selling 'straight' bananas.)
This conviction, under EU rules has outraged many British patriots. Metrication won the day and is slowly creeping in to all aspects of life.
I found these phrases compiled by Tim Spanton and John Smyth that translate everyday sayings into Euro-speak.
 
Regular Phrase Euro-speak Phrase
Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile Give 'em 25.4 millimetres and they'll take 1.6093 kilometres
The Pound in your pocket will not be affected The 1.61363 euros in your pocket will not be affected
She has the perfect 36 - 24 - 36 figure. She has the perfect 91.44 - 60.96 - 91.44 figure.
A yard of ale 0.9144 metres of lager
You are without an ounce of pity You are without 28.3495 grammes of pity
Take your pound of flesh Take your 0.4536 kilogrammes of flesh
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles. I'd walk 1,609,300 kilometres for one of your smiles.
Look after the pennies and the Pounds will look after themselves. Look after the cents and the Euros will look after themselves.
A miss is as good as a mile. A miss is as good as 1.6093 kilometres.
Seven-stone weakling. 44.4521-kilogramme weakling.
You haul 16 tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt. You haul 16.256 tonnes, what do you get? A Tennessee Ernie Ford song that no longer scans properly.
A ten-gallon hat A 45.46-litre hat
Ray Bradbury's science fiction book and film Fahrenheit 451. Ray Bradbury's science fiction book and film Centigrade 232.7 recurring.
Shorty was a half-pint. Shorty was 0.284 litres.
Manchester United are miles better than Bayern Munich. Bayern Munich are kilometres better than Manchester United.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. 28.3495 grammes of prevention are worth 0.4536 kilogrammes of cure.
Innkeeper, place us a small hogshead of your finest ale. Innkeeper, place 286.398 litres of your finest lager
You cannot put a quart into a pint pot. You cannot put 1.136 litres into a 0.568 litre pot.
She won by a mile. She won by 1.6093 kilometres.
He inched ahead. He 24.5-millimetred ahead.
We must work to a common yardstick. We must work to a common 0.9144-metre stick.
I cannot fathom out what you are talking about. I cannot 1.8288-metres out what you are talking about.
God's little acre. God's little 0.4047 hectares.
We passed another milestone today. We passed another 1.6093 kilometre stone today.
The inch-loss diet. The 25.4 millimetre-loss diet.
Nought to 60 (mph) in five seconds. Nought to 96.5579 (kph) in five seconds.
You don't get many of those to the pound. You don't get many of those to the 0.4536 kilogrammes.
 
If this list were placed under the nose of the judge that found this Sunderland grocer guilty, would he have sufficient sense of humour to see how stupid his judgement really is. I think NOT!
  I think that these modified phrases sum up the total stupidity of the judge and also the futility of the EU. The EU Parliament are only there for the money and they create rediculous rulings to try and justify their existence. As an example, they designated the good old CARROT as a fruit because another of their rules stated that only fruit can be used to make jam (preserves). If that isn't bureaucracy gone insane, I don't know what is.
  If I wasn't so short on space here I'd create a page of the European Parliament's idiotic rulings. I've only got around 2Mb left and it would take at least 20Mb to cover them all as they're like a gas swelling to fill the space it has.
  Personally, in the above phrases, for lager read pee-water. It never should be called a beer, let alone be used as a translation for ale.
 

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