Technical Support and Stupid Customers.

We once had a call from a customer who tried to erase his hard drive by putting it into the microwave. Not surprisingly, it damaged the drive beyond repair. ( Couldn't have done the microwave much good either. Axiompc.) (Quantum)

A collegue, Graham, was answering a call from a customer who had bought Shadows of the Empire but didn't have one of the 3D cards listed on the side of the box. As Graham started to explain that this was why the game wouldn't run, the customer began screaming down the phone at him. Graham hung up because, as he explained to us, he wouldn't put up with that behaviour from his own daughter let alone a fully grown man. (Virgin).

We had one caller who was being talked through a paper feed issue. He was abruptly cut off from the technician. The technician called the customer back to resume the call. The customer then explained he had just found a Mc Cain oven chip in the printer and was too embarrassed to continue. (Lexmark).

I took a call from a lady who complained: "whenever I press [Ctrl], [Alt] and [Esc] Broken Sword 2 crashes. What can I do to stop this?" To which the only real answer was: "don't press [Ctrl], [Alt] and [Esc]." (Virgin).

Another technician reports that a caller had a problem with their printer. The technician talked the caller through doing a self-test with the printer, including disconnecting the cables and pressing buttons and turning power on. As the test page printed, the caller exclaimed her delight with modern technology enquiring if the technician had 'sent the print job down the phone'.... ( Lexmark ).

and the Downright Weird.

TECHNICIAN : Good Morning, Virgin Technical Support.

CALLER : Is this technical support?

TECHNICIAN : Yes.

CALLER : Can I have your phone number please?

TECHNICIAN : (Confused) What number did you phone in on?

CALLER : Can I have your phone number please?

TECHNICIAN : (Thoroughly confused) It's this number, it's the number you've just dialled.

CALLER : Thank You. Goodbye.

One of our customers had bought a modem card with a view to using the Internet. We went through the standard troubleshooting process of installing the modem card in the machine: opening the cover, asking about expansion slots (not found), and enquiring about other similar cards installed in the machine. Our advisor then described the safety procedure to follow when opening a PC. To which the customer replied: "What is a PC?" He'd been trying to foolishly install the card into his TV by mistake. ( Creative ).

Everyone has heard the one about the woman who was speaking to Microsoft technical support and the technician asked the woman to 'close all her windows' . The phone went quiet and when the woman returned she said she'd had trouble reaching the small window in the bathroom...

We had a similar one where the technician asked the caller to open the door and install the cartridge... "The bedroom door or the front door?" enquired the caller... ( Lexmark ).

At the end of a hard and frustrating shift, a Tech. Support engineer offered this advice to a customer: "I know what the problem is. Take your computer back to the salesman and tell him you want your money back. If he asks why, tell him that you are too stupid to own a computer."