1. Doors: Do not allow closed doors in any room.  To get door opened stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.  Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.  After you have ordered a door to the "outside" opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things.  This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.  Note: swinging doors should be avoided entirely.

2. Chairs & Rugs:  If you must throw up, get to a chair quickly.  If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug.  If there is no Oriental rug, shag is a good alternative.

3. Bathrooms:  Always accompany guests to the bathroom.  It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

4. Hampering:  If oneof your humans is engagedin some activity, and the other is idle...remain with the busy one.  Following are the rules for hampering -

a)When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.  You cannot be seen and therefore stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

b)For book readers: get in close under the chin, between the eyes and book; unless - best of all - you can manage to lie across the book itself.

c)Knitting projects, paperwork:  Lie on the work in a manner that will most effectively obscure ad much of the work as possible, or at least the most important part.  Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap at the pencil or knitting needles.  If any attempt is made to distract you, ignore it; remember the aim is to hamper productive work.  Leisure tip: Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks.

d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activities): First, sit on the paper being worked on.  When disloged, watch sadly from the side of the tabl.  when activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability.  After being removed for the second (third, fourth fifth...) time, push pens, pencils and erasers off the table, one
at a time.

e) Human is reading a newspaper? Jump at the back of the paper.

f) Human is working at a computer? Jump on the desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay across arms of human.

5. Walking:  Dart quickly, frequently, and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs or in the dark.

6. Nocturnal:  Always sleep on the human, so that she/he cannot move around; better yet, carry out an activity that will make so much noise the human will find it impossible to sleep.

7. Litter Box:  When using it, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible; humans will learn to love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

8. Medicinal:  When given a pill to swallow, accept it readily and allow your throat to be stroked for as long as the human can continue; then, see how long you hold the pill in your mouth before spitting it out.
currently, "Tuffy" in Agate Beach holds the record : 3 days.

9. Hiding:  Find a place where the humans can't find you, and dont emerge for 3-4 hours, under any circumstances.  This will cause them to panic, thinking you are ill or lost.  When you do come out, you will be showered with affection...and probably get a treat!

10. **Most Important Rule**:  Whenever possible, get close to a human's face, turn around and present your nether regions.  Tip: it's also the best way to introduce yourself to a guest.