Ray's tennis elbow had been killing him, so when he was
passing by the doctor's office one day, he decided to stop
in. The nurse told him he could see the doctor in twenty
minutes, but first he had to provide a urine sample. Ray
told her that was absurd for an elbow examination, but she
insisted. Finally, he agreed. Later, he was ushered in to see
the doctor, who said, "That tennis elbow is really acting
up, huh?" "The nurse told you, then?" Ray asked. "No,"
the doctor replied. "It's the urinalysis." He explained that
he'd purchased a new machine that could diagnose
absolutely every physical condition with total accuracy.
The machine cost a fortune, but it cut down on his work so
much that he was able to get out on the golf course at three
every afternoon. Ray didn't believe a word. However, he
did agree to provide another urine sample when he came
back in for another checkup. Two weeks later, Ray was
sitting at the breakfast table talking with his wife about the
ridiculous machine. They decided to have some fun with
the doctor. Ray pee'ed in the bottle, and so did his wife and
teenage daughter. Then, as he opened the garage door,
Ray had another idea. He put a few drops of crankcase oil
from his car in the bottle, then beat off and added a few
drops of semen. Then he shook up the bottle, drove to the
doctor and handed the bottle to the nurse. This time the
analysis took an entire hour. When Ray sat down, the
doctor looked at him and said, "All right, wise guy. I've got
some bad news for you. Your daughter's pregnant, your
wife's got V.D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you
don't stop beating off, that tennis elbow is never going to
heal."


                            

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