HUMOR Digest - 12 Dec 1997 to 13 Dec 1997

Date: Fri, 12 Dec 1997 03:30:51 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Marriage-go-Round

"I'm worried I'm losing my wife's affection." the husband told the counselor.

"Has she started to neglect or ignore you ?" he asked.

"Oh no. Not at all. She's an old fashioned girl, right out of the 50's. She meets me with a cold drink and a warm kiss at nite. My shirts are always ironed, the house is as neat as a pin, and she's a great cook. She lets me choose the TV shows, never objects to sex and does the budget."

"My God Man !" the counselor shouted. "You've got it made. What the hell are you doing in here wasting my time ?"

"Well..." the husband ventured, "maybe I'm being a wee bit too sensitive, but ever since she joined this on-line group called the Wombats, at nite, when she thinks I'm asleep, she whispers 'Die ! You son-of-a-bitch. DIE !!!' in my ear."

In Columbia Maryland, there's a sign in the parking lot at the Planned Parenthood office:

"Be careful pulling out".

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

The young Swedish au pair had been working for the couple for over a year. While pleasant and hardworking, the girl still struggled with English. One day she informed the Lady of the House, that her boyfriend in the Army was coming for a visit.

"That's wonderful. How long is his furlough ?"

"Oh... yust the same as husband's yours, but a little bit thicker." the au pair replied.

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