HUMOR Digest - 12 Jul 1998 to 13 Jul 1998

Date: Sun, 12 Jul 1998 05:36:42 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Welcome to Texas

When someone from West Texas tells ya that they had a 5 inch rain, they don't mean the total quantity of rainfall.

They're referring to how far apart the drops were.

A neighbor stopped by and looked at the stunted cotton field from which a Mexican farmer had hoped to make a living. "Kind of short, eh, Juan ?"

The poor farmer nodded, forced a smile, and said, "Si, it's smaller now than when it was little."

When my son, JimJr Jr, was in the Air Force in Texas, I began thinking about relocating there following our third "100 year blizzard" in Maryland in less than a month.

I got in touch with a realtor, and asked if it ever snowed in West Texas.

"Nope !" came the reply. "But I have seen it rain -- twice."

A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas."

"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter... and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you ?"

A relative was visiting in San Antonio and being shown the town by his cousin. "What's that statue over there ?" he asked.

"That boy is a Texas Ranger. He killed 146 Apaches in single-handed combat and broke up 27 riots during his career.

Not to be outdone, the Bostonian said, "Well, we had some heros too -- Paul Revere, for instance..."

"Oh !" smirked the Texan, "You mean that fella who had to ride for help."

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