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HUMOR Digest - 21 Jul 1998 to 22 Jul 1998
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 03:47:10 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: This Week in Columbia Maryland
The Columbia Center for Healing Arts is offering classes in "Qi Gong" which teaches residents the art of deep breathing and the proper tilt of one's nose when speaking with non-residents.
The Columbia Association is offering concerts all week at Lake Kittamaqundi.
Organizers stated that anyone who can correctly pronounce the name of the Lake will be given a 15 % discount on the price of admission.
The Columbia Youth Hockey Club had to postpone their practice session this week when they attempted to take to the ice only to discover it had melted in the 90 degree temperatures.
The coach said there were no serious injuries and that all players had been treated and released from the Howard County Hospital.
Columbia resident Linda Tripp (of Monica Lewinsky fame) is now being investigated by a Maryland State Prosecutor for her role in the wire-tapping.
An ad-hoc committee of Yuppettes is also trying to determine if Ms Tripp violated any of the Columbia covenants with her hair-do and general appearance.
The 15th Annual Woman's Distance Festival 5k race with 645 women participating was held at the Columbia Mall. This year, the run was held at Midnight when all the store were closed.
Last year, less than 30% of the starters crossed the finish line as the rest were drawn to go shopping at the Mall.
Due to the its overwhelming popularity, 4 additional restaurants in Columbia have instituted a "Whine Hour" for all Yuppettes who feel depressed, oppressed, repressed, stressed, suppressed, or just plain bored.
An anti-anxiety Cappuccino Mousse Martini appears to remain the drink of choice among the pule set.
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