HUMOR Digest - 22 Jan 1999 to 23 Jan 1999

Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 03:13:47 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: State Highway Computers

Discouraged State Highway engineering hire to supervisor: "I had hoped to start at least one step above automation."

State Highway's Senior Managers were among the last to learn the use of PC's. During a training session, a Deputy Chief Engineer was attempting to query a database to list the sex of all personnel in the Maintenance Division.

The table requested was indeed printed -- but it had three columns.

Prior to the advent of PC's, the Maryland State Highway had a mainframe with well-written in-house programs. One, a calculation of steel beam deflections in bridges, was often queried twice with the same problem.

When that occurred, the terminal would display, "Scheesch guy ! I just told you that answer. Now listen-up this time dummy !"

Once PC's were the norm, State programmers still cranked-out special applications. For a word processing tutor, the user was told to "press any key". Once they did, the screen would display "NO ! My dear God !! Not THAT one !!!" and dissolve into a fireworks display, then go totally blank for a minute.

Just imagine the secretaries' reactions.

A State Highway in-house computer generated survey was sent to all mid-level managers assuring them the responses would be totally anonymous, since it contained a critique of both policy and the Senior Management team. I threw mine in the trash.

Less than a week later I got a memo advising me that my survey hadn't been received & requested I submit it ASAP.

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