HUMOR Digest - 23 Mar 1999 to 24 Mar 1999

Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 03:40:33 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Flame Form (offensive to NewsGroup posters)

There's a rich resource available in our HumorList Archives. In addition to the current 1999 Digests, copies are available of 1996-1998 mailings. The URL's are listed daily in my posts.

              Date: Sat, 15 Jun 1996 19:01:46 -0400
             From: Joshua Ostroff [joshua@VMR.COM]
          Subject: Flame Form Letter (off to newbies) 2/2

[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources:
        [ ] Golden Books                          [ ] Talk Soup        [ ] SNL News
        [ ] Oliver Stone                             [ ] Hard Copy       [ ] Inside Edition
        [ ] The National Enquirer               [ ] The Sun           [ ] NY Post
        [ ] The Union Leader                     [ ] Pravda             [ ] OMNI Magazine
        [ ] Company Marketing Hype        [ ] Microsoft         [ ] The Simpsons
        [ ] unidentified stupid person
        [ ] unidentified stupid publication
        [ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to:

[ ] keep the "welcome" message you received when you joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] consider others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] lurk without posting a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to email
[ ] get used to being mocked
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments
[ ] join your people on your planet of origin
[ ] remove the pipe from your nether regions
[ ] buy a nice firey lakefront plot in the Hell you so richly deserve

I would like to suggest that, for the common good, you:

[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] respond to threads after reading all new messages in that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] shop for clues at a better clue shop
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
            [ ] patience                        [ ] tolerance                      [ ] caution
            [ ] common courtesy          [ ] succinctness
            [ ] vocabulary                    [ ] higher brain functions
            [ ] Other:

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being:

[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:

Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1996-1999:
          (text) http://www.crosswinds.net/~jimjr
          (zip)  http://www.oocities.org/BourbonStreet/6293

UGA Message Board:
           http://www.InsideTheWeb.com/mbs.cgi/mb212137

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