In the beginning everything seems to go along smoothly and calmly. You are just getting to know one another. Then one day things slowly start to change. This is the start of the cycle.

Phase 1: The tension starts to increase and soon turns into anger. Along with the anger comes the blaming and arguing stage. Before you know it you are fast approach Phase 2.

Phase 2: Battering begins, this phase involves, hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, verbal abuse, verbal threats, threats of violence involving weapons or objects, sexual abuse.

Phase 3: This is often referred to as the "Honeymoon Stage" or the "Calm Before The Storm" (this stage may decrease or even cease to exist over time) Batter may deny violence, using excuses such as the were drunk or on drugs, say they are sorry and promise it will never happen again.

THE ABUSER NEVER HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT, DEMEAN YOU, ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY OR ABUSE IN ANY FASHION

Alcohol and or drugs may be involved in the abuse but they do not cause it. Abusers frequently excuse their abusive behavior by blaming it on "being drunk, " but substance abuse merely lowers the inhibitions and gives the abuser permission to abuse. Substance abuse is a totally separate problem and should be dealt with as such. The abuser's problem stems from their overwhelming need to control and display power, as well as their inability to deal with frustrations in a mature, healthy fashion and their unwillingness to grow up and assume responsibility for their own choices and actions. They alone have the power to change this situation by admitting that: they have an abuse problem, abuse is a learned behavior and it is their choice and responsibility to decide when they want to stop their controlling behavior and begin changing.

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