The following steps represent a plan for increasing safety and preparing in advance to exit an abusive situation. No one can control someone else's violent tendencies, but there are steps women can take to safely remove herself and her children from harm.

Step 1: Women cannot control what their abusers may do. They cannot offset their anger, and they cannot change the other person's actions nor can they predict when a violent episode will occur. Whatever works to keep you safe, USE.

A. Keep windows unlocked, and chain or bolt locks off doors. Worried about safety? A battered woman is in more danger in her home with an abusive partner than from some random chance that her home will be broken into. Make getting out a priority.

B. Keep your purse and keys where you have easy access to them at all times.

C. Let a neighbor know if they hear strange sounds coming from your home, it is all right for them to call the police.

D. Teach children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.

E. Decide on a code to use for children or friends so they can call for help. (It is best to chose a word that they will clearly identify as a request for help. Make it something that would not ordinarily be said in a violent confrontation. If you are in fear of what will happen next, that the situation is escalating beyond what you can handle, use the word. Possibly, a food or a flower, or something along those lines.)

F. Have a place in mind to go to if you have to leave quickly. Decide in advance and make sure these places are safe and that you will be welcomed any time you may need them.

G. You must decide whether or not to let your children know in advance what you are planning to do. It is important to keep in mind the age and emotional state of the child/children involved. Be absolutely sure that the abuser will not be able to coerce or bully the information about your plan from the child.

H. The home is in some ways the most dangerous place to be. In burglaries, it is the isolation of the home that offers the intruders the opportunity to torture, rape, or kill their victims. It is no different in a domestic violence situation. The "comfort of home" often gives the abuser a sense of security to do as they please. If at all possible try to move arguments out of areas such as the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door.

I. Keep in mind that no one can give you a concrete answer on how to react in any given situation. During a violent encounter, you can only rely on your own instincts and judgments. Whatever works to diffuse the situation, USE. There is no other right or wrong, whatever keeps you safe, USE.

Step 2: If you are preparing to leave, implement a plan to increase your chances of leaving safely. Choose the time you will leave carefully. It is best to leave during the ‘honeymoon period', the time just after the fight when the abuser is trying to make up for what they have done. The abuser will watch immediately after a fight for signs that you are considering leaving. This is a more dangerous time to try to leave. Once they relax and are settled, they will not be looking closely for signs that you will leave.

A. Leave some money and an extra set of keys with someone you can trust in case you have to leave without warning.

B. Leave extra copies of any documents, extra clothes for you and your children, and even a prepaid phone card or two (remember prepaid cards can not be traced) you may need with that person you trust.

C. Make sure you have access to any bank accounts you may have at all times.

D. Other things I can do to increase my chances of leaving safely:

E. The domestic violence program's hot line number is __________________. Use this number at any time to obtain help.

F. Keep change or prepaid phone cards for phone calls on me at all times. Understand that if you use your telephone credit card, the following month the telephone bill will tell the abuser those numbers that were called after you left.

Keep telephone communications confidential, either use coins, get a friend to permit you to use their telephone credit card for a limited time, or purchase a prepaid phone card.

G. Take those offers from people who have offered to give you a place to stay or to lend you money. It will be needed at first, and you can repay them in another way. Chances are, your leaving and finding safety will be payment enough.

H. Pack a suitcase with extra clothes and leave it with the person who has agreed to help you with your plan.

I. Review your safety plan periodically and evaluate your progress.

J. Rehearse escape plan. If appropriate, practice it with my children. Again, keep in mind the age and emotional state of the children. Be careful not to give a child information as to your plan unless you are absolutely sure the abuser won't be able to coerce or bully it out of the child.

Step 3: Once you are out and living in your own residence, there are steps you can take to insure your safety in your own home. Money is usually a concern, so start where you can and add other measures as you can afford to.

A. Change the locks on all doors and windows as soon as possible.

B. Replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.

C. Install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D. Purchase rope or chain ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.

E. Install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in my house/apartment.

F. Install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my house.

G. Teach children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to in the event that the abuser takes the children. It is best if they know an alternate number to call in such an instance. Make sure your children know your phone number and address to give to the police. Instruct them not to give it to anyone but a police officer. This way, the child cannot be used as a means of the abuser finding out where you are.

H. Tell people who take care of your children which people have permission to pick up the children and that the abuser is not permitted to do so. Inform them of changes in your permission for your child's pick up. Try to have the same person pick them up at the same time every day.

___________________________________(school),
___________________________________(day care staff),
___________________________________(baby-sitter),
___________________________________(Sunday school teacher),
___________________________________(teacher),
___________________________________(and),
___________________________________(others)

I. Inform:

_____________________________________(neighbors),
_____________________________________(pastor),
_____________________________________(friend)

that the abuser no longer resides with you and they should call the police if he is observed near your residence.

Step 4: Obtain an Order of Protection immediately. This will order the abuser to stay away from you. He may or may not obey this order. If he violates it, report it to the police immediately.

A. Always keep your order of protection with you at all times.

B. Keep a copy of the protection order on file with police departments in the communities where you visit family or friends and where you live.

C. If there is a county registry of protection orders that all police departments can call to confirm a protection order, make sure yours in on file there. Check to make sure that your order is in registry. The telephone number for the registry is:________________________.

D. When visiting other areas, you should know that an order of protection stands no matter where you are. Keep it with you even if you are traveling to another state.

E. Inform your employer, minister, closest friend and family that you have a protection order in effect.

G. If the abuser should destroy the protection order you can obtain another copy from the courthouse where it was issued.

H. In the event the abuser violates the protection order call the police and report a violation, contact your attorney, call any advocate you may be working with, and advise the court of the violation.

I. If the police are of no help, contact your advocate or attorney and file a complaint with the chief of the police department. Do this as many times as necessary to insure that your order will be enforced.

J. File a private criminal compliant with the district justice in the jurisdiction where the violation occurred or with the district attorney. Charge the abuser with a violation of the Order of Protection and all the crimes that he commits during each violation of the order. Call the domestic violence advocate to help with this, and call your attorney.

Step 5: On the job and out in public. After leaving, each woman will have to re-enter the workplace, buy groceries or go shopping, even though she may be at continued risk. Friends, family and co-workers can help to protect them. Awareness is the key to opening the doors to help. Don't be afraid to let others know, and to help you.

A. Inform your boss, the security supervisor and others in charge at work of the situation.

B. Ask them to help screen your telephone calls at work.

C. Try not to leave work alone. Walk out with a group, and be sure someone in the group is aware what the abuser looks like. If they should see him lurking around, instruct them to call the police immediately.

D. When driving home if problems occur, drive to the nearest police station. Pull in a parking lot where you happen to see a police car. Pull into a fire station where there are plenty of men to help and who can call the police for you. Avoid convenience stores, and places with few people in them. A crowded park, a church just letting out, anywhere there is a large group of people is your best bet. Never get out of the car to phone the police if the abuser is right behind you. Go to a crowded place, honk your horn to draw attention, put on your flashers and when you stop, run for help.

E. If you use public transit, get off at different stops, but use a random pattern. Check the area around the stop as you are coming up on the stop. Try to observe both sides of the street, and look to make sure the abuser is no where around that you can see.

F. Go to different grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct business and shop at hours that are different than those that were your habits before you left.

G. Use a different bank and take care of banking at hours different from those used when previously. A change of habits will help to deter the abuser in his searching for you.

H. Consider trading your car if at all possible. When walking up to your car, look underneath to be sure there is no one underneath it. Check the back seat while approaching the car. You are better off in a public place, so if the abuser should happen to get the best of you and try to get you to get into your car and drive off, DON'T GET INTO THE CAR. Scream, fight, run, whatever you can do, but don't leave that spot with someone who you already know is capable of harming you.)

Step 6: Any drastic change in life will take its toll emotionally, and physically. Try to eat properly, get plenty of rest, and exercise. It will help to keep you going when times get hard.

Step 7: Items to take when leaving. It is important to take certain items with you. If at all possible, obtain extra copies of these documents and leave them in a lock box or with someone entrusted with helping you with your safety plan.

Money : Even if you have never worked, you can take half of the funds in the checking and savings accounts if it is a joint account. If you don't take any money from the accounts, your spouse can legally take all money and/or close the account. Take your part of the money. You will need it.

The items with asterisks on the list below are the most important items to take. The other items may be stored with someone in advance, or taken with you if time allows. In organizing your escape plan, place the items below in one file or in one place so that you can access them quickly. If possible, have copies of these items entrusted to someone you trust.

* Identification for yourself
* Children's birth certificate
* Your birth certificate
* Social security cards
* School and vaccination records
* Money
* Pre-paid phone cards
* Checkbook, ATM (Automatic Tellers Machine) card
* Credit cards
* Keys - house/car/office
* Driver's license and registration
* Medication
* Address book (do not leave access to places you may be)
* Welfare identification
* Work permits, Green card
* Passport(s),
* Divorce papers
* Medical records - for all family members
* Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book
* Bank books, Insurance papers
* Small salable objects
* Pictures, jewelry
* Children's favorite toys and/or blankets
* Items of special sentimental value

Local Police department - home - 911
Local Domestic Violence Center:___________________________
Local State's Attoney's Office:_____________________________
Police department - Near kid's school:______________________
Police department - Near work:____________________________
Battered women's shelter:_________________________________
County court family services division:_______________________
Work number:__________________________________________
Supervisor's home number:_______________________________
Clergy:_________________________________________________
Other:__________________________________________________

Keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of the abuser, and above all, use this as only a guide to staying safe and helping you to remember the things you will need. Trust your instincts, and use your best judgment as to when, or if you can leave safely. God be with you.

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