These words of a father broke my heart in two. "My daughter feels like she let her daughter down."

Lori Abrahams made dozens of pleas to the court to protect herself and her daughter from the violence her ex-husband was capable of inflicting. Lori knew it all too well. She was a victim of domestic violence, and Thomas Abrahams had a documented history of abusing his ex-wife. Lori was successful in obtaining a restraining order for her own protection, but her pleas for her daughter's protection fell upon deaf ears. There was no evidence that the man would harm his child. Fears of the mother were not enough for the courts to consider. In the end, Thomas Abrahams was granted visitation with his 5 year old daughter.

According to Lori's father, the relationship started out like any other. They were married in 1990, and the abuse started shortly after. Kelsey was born on Dec. 28, 1991. Lori's father stated that he would slap Lori, punch her, and that there was a lot of verbal abuse. It was 1994 before Lori found the strength to file for a divorce. The couple was divorced in March 1996. Lori Abrahams lived in constant fear of Thomas Abrahams. She moved frequently and wore an emergency alert button around her neck.

The week of July 21,1997, Lori and Thomas Abrahams were in court because Thomas Abrahams wanted Lori to be found in contempt of court for withholding visitation. Fearing she would lose custody of the child to the man she knew could be volatile, she agreed to grant him visitation. If she had not, there was a chance she would be found in contempt of court, she could go to jail and/or custody could be given to the father. The mother felt she had no choice but to agree to grant him visitation.

On Friday, July 25,1997, Thomas Abrahams pleaded guilty to charges of battery against his ex-wife, Lori Abrahams in June,1996. The judge postponed sentencing for a month. For a previous charge of battery against Lori in May of 1992, Thomas Abrahams received a 6-month suspended sentence.

Kelsey did not want to go to visit her father the weekend after he pleaded guilty. She would not say why, but she pleaded with her mother not to make her go. The judge had told Lori that Thomas Abrahams would be granted visitation, and that she was to send the child, whether she wanted to go or not. Lori had no choice but to send the child, or end up back before the judge in contempt of court.

Lori did send Kelsey to spend the weekend with her father. She obeyed the court order. On Sunday, July 27,1997, Thomas Abrahams failed to return Kelsey at the appropriate time. Lori Abrahams called the police, but was told she would have to wait until Monday morning to obtain a court order before they could go with her to retrieve the child.

On Monday, July 28,1997, Lori Abrahams secured the order she was told she would need, and went with the police to the home of Thomas Abrahams to get her daughter. When Thomas Abrahams failed to answer the door, the door was unlocked by the landlord who had arrived about the same time.

While searching the home, the police found a bedroom door that was locked. They opened it with a coat hanger after their knocks drew no response. The bodies of Kelsey and Thomas Abrahams were found in that room. Thomas Abrahams had shot his daughter to death, and then turned the .45 caliber handgun on himself.

Thomas Abrahams left a note, saying he could not continue life like this, that he wanted to be alone with his daughter and he wanted to be at peace.

Lori Abrahams now blames herself, haunted by the memory that her Kelsey did not want to go to visit her father that weekend. Lori's father blames the system for failing to help them. I for one, sir, agree with you.

Lori and Kelsey Abrahams are yet another pair of victims abandoned by the court system. Lori did all that she could do. My heart breaks for her and the many others who find themselves in a situation where the courts fail to listen to the pleas of mothers for the courts to help them protect their children.

Lori Abrahams was in an impossible and complex dilemma, but unfortunately, she is not alone. When the courts fail to help, mothers are left to decide; do they send the child for just a few days, or risk losing them to the ones they fear? In situations like this one, mothers must try to determine what is best for their children in the long run. If they defy a court order to allow visitation, they may find themselves in jail or ordered to surrender custody to an abusive, and violent man.

Thomas Abrahams was an abusive man. His past record proved it. He was a man capable of inflicting violence upon other human beings. It is the theory of the courts, that just because a man will harm a woman, does not indicate that he will harm his children.

Violence is violence. The above theory is proven wrong by the happenings of this case. Thomas Abrahams was a violent man, and in the end, he killed his child. No one can predict when violence will be exhibited, what will trigger it or who will be harmed in a violent incident. To say that the child is in no danger because he has not harmed the child in the past, but only her mother, is insane.

In the case of any other type of assault, no one would say to a victim, "It was your fault for being where they were at the time, or doing what you were doing when the assault occurred." Yet, Judge McCarty, who presided over this case was quoted as saying, "When the mother agrees to giving him visitation, what are you supposed to do?"

My question to you, Judge McCarty, is that when a woman makes as many attempts to be heard as did Lori Abrahams, what is a mother to do? Does she agree to visitation so that she will not lose custody of her daughter, or does defy court orders and risk going to jail and losing custody to a violent man? There is a theory in the courts that biology makes a father. As this case clearly shows, it takes more than genetics to create a loving bond with a child. This man murdered his own child. The mother tried to warn the courts that he was capable of violence. She proved it to you. He admitted it to you, yet, you now try to put the blame on the one person who tried to protect the child. Lori Abrahams.

In reviewing the facts in this case, I am appalled. Lori Abrahams was a mother who did all the law would allow to protect her child. The law abandoned this mother and this child. They were left in an impossible situation. There were no answers for them. The law would not allow them to live free of fear. The law would not help her to protect her child when she came begging. The law is lacking in understanding as to the nature of violence. There is no way to predict who will pay for a violent man's misery. There is no way to tell when the rage will begin, or where it will end. Wouldn't it be better to err in behalf of the child than to do so with a violent man? Is this justice? Is this what we have as a result of all we have learned about abuse?

As for Lori Abrahams, she will have to live with the results of the failings of this legal system, but one thing should remain clear in our minds about this woman who now lives in grief and despair; Mamma tried.

This is a heartbreaking situation, but it is a problem known to may women. While it may not always end in the death of a child, women and children are being force to live in fear and to uphold unreasonable court orders that place their children in jeopardy. When biology takes higher priority than a child's safety, there is something definitely wrong with the attitudes of the courts. The laws need to be examined.

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