When court ordered child support is seldom or never paid the burden falls on someone else to support and care for the children involved. It falls on the caretaker, and it falls on the tax payers. If the absent parent fails to provide even the minimum amounts set by the courts for the care of their own children isn't this considered to be child neglect! In many cases when support is not paid the mother is forced to rely on the welfare system in order to put food on the table. She has no choice but to put aside personal dignity when looking into the eyes of her hungry children and hearing their cries as they lay in bed at night with empty tummies not knowing if they'll be enough food for tomorrow.

A mother who's suddenly forced into this situation often loses her self-esteem when having to endure the stares, glares and snide comments of the unsympathetic people in the groceries stores while at the check out counter paying for her families food with food stamps. Many of these such people believe it is solely by choice these woman they are using food stamps and somehow enjoy being on welfare. If they were suddenly forced into this very situation I am sure they would realize it is not by choice; however, out of love for their children that they are able to set aside their own pride and self worth and put their children's needs first.

Contrary to popular belief not every woman on welfare wants to be there; however, when the system fails both woman and child many are forced to utilize it. Many woman who have been married for years or were married very young lack the necessary skills to obtain a career, let alone get a job that will cover all their families basic needs expenses. It seems along with the fathers, the courts, welfare system and child support division fail to take into account the basic household bills for the family will remain the same even though the father is no longer present. The landlord or mortgage company are not suddenly going to reduce their payments to half, the electric, telephone and water companies are not suddenly going to grow a heart and provide free service. So where does that leave the mother?

These so-called "Deadbeat Dads", are fathers who feel no responsibility for the well being of their own children. Fathers who can walk away and not think twice about the affect it has on the life of their children. Fathers who do not seem to care if their children go to bed hungry or have water to take a bath, lights to do their homework by, or even a roof over their heads. Little things like shoes, clothing and medication add up to a small fortune for a woman struggling to make ends meet because the father sees no need to help.

Many men don't want to or refuse to pay because the money goes to the woman, so they believe. They don't want to help her in any way, so they try to make life as hard for her as possible by refusing to pay, but what they fail to realize is the adverse affects that this is having on their innocent children. What kind of example are they setting for these children who are our future generation of leaders and parents? After all it's a proven fact that children learn what they live!

When the woman tries to convince him to help, and explain this is his obligation she's often met with, if you can't take care of them, then give them to me. What kind of a joke is this! If these men can't pay the nominal amounts set by the courts and always put their own needs first, how are we to believe that they could ever possibly do what is needed to raise a child properly?

If the custodial parent was to neglect a child to the degree that fathers who don't pay child support do, they would go to jail for child neglect, and rightfully so. If they failed to meet the basic needs of the child, they could also be charged with child endangerment. Why then, is it not the same for fathers who don't pay?

It's not just the money, it's the memories that are created for the child as well. The emotional torment they suffer, watching one parent struggle to do what is needed to maintain their lifestyle while the other doesn't seem to care at all about them. Don't think that women have to voice these attitudes for the child to pick up on them, because they are capable little human beings with a pure view of what life is. They see it, and they hurt because of it. So why not add to this list a charge of EMOTIONAL ABUSE while we're here?

How can a man turn his back and put his own needs before the needs of his children when a struggling mother puts the needs of her children before her own needs often denying herself the basic necessities needed to in life to survive. These same fathers that turn their backs on their children and walk away are the ones who suddenly come back with their attorney's, (which are usually paid for with their child support money they are not paying to the mother and child) and petition the courts for visitation. The mother not being able to afford an attorney is then forced to face the courts alone. In most of these cases the courts usually side with the father because they say as a father it is his right to visit with the children; therefore, causing a never ending battle that more often then not leaves the children and mother lost within the system, a system that was designed to protect them from neglect and abuse, but in reality orders them to be subjected to many forms of abuse by forcing visitation with the very men who have no regard for their children's rights and leave them to live at or below the poverty level.

These deadbeat dads should be the ones forced to tell the children why they must walk around with holes in their shoes or clothes that are too small. They should be made to explain to them why they can not play T-ball during T-ball season, soccer during soccer season and football during football season if the child so desires. Why santa wont be visiting their house even though they've been good boys and girls all year. Why they can't have a birthday party or bring a gift to their best friend's birthday party. Why precious childhood memories will be forever lost because there is no money to buy class photographs and school yearbooks which contain treasured pictures of them, their teachers, classmates and best friends.

Why must the mothers always be the fall guy for these deadbeat dads and break their children's hearts by having to continually say no to even the smallest of their wishes due to the financial stresses they are incurring as a result of non payment of support. They watch the smiles turn to frowns and their children's hopes and dreams slowly fade away!

Divorce is never easy for anyone involved. It is most often a painful process and leaves many scars for all parties. If it's a case of a man not married to the mother, but just walking away and never caring about the child, what do these men think the women can tell a child who starts asking about their "daddy" later on in life? Do they even care? Do they ever think about how it will affect the child, regardless of which situation brought on their absence? Do they realize it is hurting the child?

Being a parent is about more than money, it's true, but to live without adequate means makes life for all involved very difficult. Some of the best mothers in this world are operating with minimal income and are raising their children with a positive outlook on life. Life could be easier for the children if the other parent were helping, but the lack of support places the burden of raising the children totally on the mother. As the children grow older, they realize the lack of care exhibited by the father, and all the excuses the man can offer will never make the life they have been forced to live any different. It can't and wont change the impact of the past.

Why do these men continue to get by with not providing for their children despite the mother's best efforts to seek enforcement of court orders? Why aren't they charged with child neglect for their lack of payment? How is it that they can walk away and never seem to care, and the kids and the mother are left to deal with life, such as it is?

At best, this is emotional blackmail against the mother. Their attitude, if you don't stay with me, I'll make your life as hard as I can, is geared to making the woman pay, but it's the children who pay in the end. The children know what is being done, and they know that these men are using money to try to manipulate the woman or to make her pay for a debt the man decides she owes.

Child support is not a tool to use against the ex-partner. It is insuring that your children are safe and cared for. That they have food, water, lights, clothing and a roof over their heads. Non payment of child support hurts the children the most. It doesn't settle any score with the ex, it merely means that the children do not have the full support of both parents. Neglecting to care for a child and denying a child their needs is CHILD NEGLECT no matter how you look at it. Why aren't fathers who refuse to pay child support charged accordingly? Why aren't they behind bars being forced to work and pay up for the sake of their children? Why is the system enabling them to fail their children? We are talking about a system that is failing itself as well as the children by not making sure the orders for support are enforced properly. Who's really paying...the children are and the price they are paying is far too high.

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