France: A Country of Pussies Want to see if you are one of the enemy? You can discover if you are a Francophile. My condolences if you are -- you might as well end your life right now, because you will never be a normal person.
What's a country of art and buildings doing where a REAL country should be? That's the perennial question when it comes to France -- what happened, why, and how can we make it go away? Unfortunately, short of a "nuclear accident" I don't know how to make France go away. However, there are things that you, the concerned active citizen, can do to help.
Deride France and her wimpy citizens whenever you get the chance. Suppose someone, in casual conversation, mentions that he went to Paris for his honeymoon, or something like that. (Ewh. What a crappy honeymoon that must of been, excepting the company of his bitch, of course.) This is the time to speak up! Tell your little buddy (and you can be sure that THIS is true) that any self-respecting sane person would never go to France. And this is true. Why, you ask? Allow me to explain.
France and England (my second favorite country, note: deep sarcasm) have been at it for over a thousand years. It's too bad the two didn't destroy each other...damn. England, having that good ol' island mentality, attacked France a lot. France didn't take too kindly to this bunch of blue-faced assholes invading their turf. So they fought back - kind of. I'm sure you've heard of the Norman Invasion in 1066, a turning point in pussy European history. William the Conqueror (conqueror of CRAP - he got something just as bad as what he had) invaded England and set up house. As far as I'm concerned, those two nations deserve each other, and I use the term "nation" loosely. What I'm basically trying to get at here is that these two states have been at each other's throats for a while, hating each other and all that shit.
Let's fastfoward to WWII, and the Nazis have overrun France and are bombarding London. What a bunch of pathetic losers, all around. France was full of traitors, willing to go against their country and kiss Nazi ass. The fact is that the French weren't all too concerned about the Nazis, til they knocked at their own door. And then when they do overrun the country, part of it willingly goes over to the enemy. Freaking Vichy France. But, the big issue here is that WE had to save these sorry ass bunch of wine-drinking, cheese-eating, dancing, ruffle-wearing assholes. Damn us. For once, I wish we could have embraced the ideals of isolationism. Why can't we just stick to anything!? And what do we get for thanks? The French still think they are better than everyone else, when everyone but them knows we could wipe them up in a second. And, to make matters worse, so-called French "culture" is forced down the throats of the unwilling world. France may be one of the Big Five, but everyone knows that this is for historic purposes only. Economically, France isn't the powerhouse it used to be, and many other countries are gaining a more sure footheld in the realm of the international political economy. Good riddance, I say. Now, what to do about Jacques Chirac.....