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Hey everyone,
Just thought I'd fill you all in on a couple things I've found out at
Moorhead State. This is basically a "what NOT to say or do list" in
college which I was previously able to do in High School.
1.) Don't use the N word too often.
---What I mean, is that in high school we could use a lot of slang
with our friends and get away with it. The other day I was watching the
Vikes game and a "black man" on the opposing team did something really
stupid. Let's just say I nearly got my ass kicked by a "black man" who
lives down the hall. I yell out "Oh, nice play, you stupid ass
NNNNNNNN------(wanting say in Pat O'Shea terms "nigga") I caught myself
and put in this instead of "nigga". I said NNNNNNN----no playing piece of
shit! Nope, you defintitely have to watch what you say around here
instead of just letting "gangsta talk" just fly out.
2.) Saying "I punked you" when referring to someone gettind "dissed".
----In class I find myself saying to people, "Ooooooh, you just got
PUNKED by a girl!!!" And they're like, "PUNKED?!" It means that you got
dissed...you know, FACE!!!" then they just laugh at me because I'm from
the cities....
3.) Doing the ol "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Like how we did in 8th and 9th
grade whenver someone did something really dumb...Ray and Solz started it,
remember that? I remember pissing off Becca really bad whenever we did
that in class. Or when Carissa said something like, "Water tastes
different though a straw..." Well, I did the ol "OHHHHHH!!!! and gasped
for air and did the whole act when I was kidding around with this girl. I
was saying that the weather was negative zero or something, just kidding
of course and she tries to be all smart...Then when I did that, she looked
at me like I had just insulted her mother...
4.) Gay jokes. F*CK ME IN MY ASS!!! Saying this out loud when you're
pissed has different affects on people now. Gay jokes were great in High
school, it never got old for us guys. Girls, I know you weren't too fond
of them, but you still laughed. Sure I have found guys up here that I can
rip on with gay joke after gay joke, but it just isn't the same when
they're not returning fire. that's why I love getting e-mail from Pat.
Pat, ram my tight ass with your small pecker until I bleed incessantly
from the pain! Gross yes, but funny too. And saying, "your gay" to
someone when they did something stupid gets mixed results too.
5.) When doing something wrong telling people, "Jesus, I'm RETARDED." I
did this all the time last year. Whenver I screw up (which is ALOT) I
always proclaim, "I'm sorry, I am a retard." Once when I said this, a
girl was like, "HEY, what do you have against mentally retarded people!!"
My brother Skippy is retarded. His name really was Skippy too. This
caused me to laugh, which angered her even more. I told her it was just
an expression, but I was already in the dog house. Everyone else started
to get on my back then because I was thinking about how funny the name
"skippy" is and I ended up f*cking them all in the ass...gotta do one more
gay joke. Well, bottom line, if you're gonna say that you are a retard,
make sure they don't have a retarded brother named "Skippy." I'm still
laughing at that.
6.) don't try to cheat by bringing your graphing calculator to a
Pyschology test. It worked wonders in Chemistry and Physics, but NOT in
college. Damn.
7.) "Pretending" to be an overweight, big gutted, sick minded person DOES
NOT attract chicks. So I had to become a slimmer, quiet and ill-mannered
human being...YEAH RIGHT!!!! Got to have the gut to strut.
8.) Man, I tell ya, somedays I am so white. I have this guy named Damian
who lives down the hall.(I referred to him earlier.) Well whenver I see
him he gives me the classic greeting, "W'sup?" Well, being extremely
white I always say, "Hey." instead of saying a return "Wsup." Its like
the time last year when I was driving on Silver Lake Road and I saw Jesse
"The
DAWG" Telshow, he gave me the PEACE sign and I in return attempted the
peace sign but instead opted for the five fingered WAVE. Man, I felt
SOOOOO white.
9.) Don't masterbate with the door unlocked. Even if it is "Singled Out"
with Carmen Electra.
10.) Don't "experiment" with shrooms, acid, crack and weed at the same
time. It may SOUND fun, but it really doesn't feel too good. I ended up
sucking ALOT of cock and then telling my parents about it. AND it left me
with the "not so fresh feeling."
your witty, charming and extremely sexy friend,
Keith
PS: I was really drunk when I wrote this. YOU WISH.
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