The LOVE page is just that.. a page dedicated rather interesting emotion. Cheesey or serious, just enjoy! =)

Although not all of these poems were written out of "love" they still lie under that description.

LAST UPDATED: Wednesday, March 22, 2000

blank

I stare at the wall
with a blank look.

I never realized
that I love hearing your voice
so much.
Your laughter,
our jokes,
rather intimate
and I never realized I liked it so much.

the way you innocently
touch me,
with a hug,
with a kiss on the cheek,
just platonic love.
never felt so good.
at least, I never realized it.

the excitement you can create
within my veins,
I mean, you've always made me happy,
but now
you also make me melt,
for some reason,
I never realized how warm
you really are.

I don't know if you can measure love
by the comforting feeling
someone can give being in your arms,
smiling in your eyes,
caressing your ears,
but if so,
then I have fallen.
never knew it just felt so right.

- reb4, March 2000

songs part ii.

radio transistor,
memory blisters,
scarring my insides,
each song: each time I died.

I drew you a portrait,
that's how deep my love was,
spent al my emotions,
in one drawing.
you gave me a chirstmas gift and valentine's gift,
in one.
but it came from you,
so I didn't mind.
I always knew your eyes,
in the morning sun,
in the darkness of night,
when I couldn't see anything but,
the honesty in your eye.
tell me how deep.

radio transistor,
memory blisters,
scarring my insides,
each song: each time I died.

I felt your hearbeat,
because I wanted to be in your essence,
that was my intimacy.
how crazy love goes.
all I wanted,
was to make you happy,
because I knew
you worth the effort.
time passed,
and you were still
the challenge
of my lifetime,
opening the doors to heaven,
cuz you gave me love,
crazy love.

radio transistor,
memory blisters,
scarring my insides,
each song: each time I died.

the last song.
the last dance.
our last chance,
and it lasted,
those were the sweetest days.
remember how you were sick,
I held you in my arms,
and it was all okay.
and that was the first time,
I actually felt you
within my embrace,
since you chose to broke my heart,
and who would've thought,
that was to be,
the last.
listen now.
that was the beat of one pulse from two hearts.
those were the sweetest days.

- march 2000

secret

girl. I got a secret.
it's about you.
it ain't nothing big.
it probably won't change you none,
but I think you're dope.
that's my secret.

I swear you just make me smile,
cheesey,
and stick thoughts of regret
cuz maybe if I had said something,
things would be different,
like I wouldn't be lonely,
and thinking about you,
and instead,
be wrapping you in my wishes,
and not just be some
hopeless wish on a star.
cuz I swear, you're just that dope!

and it ain't like
you're one of them fly A** girls
that I just imagine some
one tiime fling,
like the cheap B films.
naw.
you're that beautiful person,
worth risking all,
just to prove
my dedication.
you're dope on the outside,
and doper inside.
you got that combo
that makes the most hard headed bastards
melt.

everytime we get a chance to chill,
I get some sort of contentment
overcome my all,
and I just spend the rest of my breaths
whispering your name,
and my remaining blinks,
glancing into an image of you...
the image of your reality.
the image of my fantasy.
the image of your dopeness.

- march 2000

the formal goodbye

the dial tone stings my ears.
I guess that was it, huh?
the strangest feeling to finally say good bye
to one of the most influential people in your life,
but i guess this is how it feels.

i couldn't let her go.
I never have been able to.
but in this case,
I couldn't just turn around and move on
from an irritated voice,
and a wasted long distance phone call.
all the broken hearts,
I mean, how many can one heart take from the same person,
and to leave it at
angry voices and stupid childish blabbering?
naw, I just couldn't have that.

I thought I could keep you around,
just as a friend.
i guess it was just too hard.
you don't need me anyway.
you have him,
and he's who you want.
he's who you need.
I accept that now.
and the best for you,
is the best for us,
the best for me.
If I found that right one,
I'm sure you'd give your approval too.
It would've made things easier, anyway.

I still love you,
and I'm sure you realize that.
I dunno if I could ever love anyone,
exactly the way I did you,
but it's okay.
cuz that love, was for you.
when I find the right one,
she'll be blessed with unique dedication, as well.
damn.
I don't think you realize how much I still love you.
but I'm content with that,
cuz you'll always be here with me.
each laugh, each smile, each tear,
they remain with me, here.

you know, I never told you this,
but you're always in my prayers...
... whenever I remember to do them.
I tried to not acknowledge you,
and it didn't feel right.
how could I face God with prayers
and not mention you,
just cuz you weren't around anymore.
you'll always be there,
in my prayers.

but now,
I realize that it's time to let go.
for real this time.
no more teasing, no more friendship,
just fond memories,
lost in the back of our minds.
that's all we should be.
cuz we're not talking right now anyway.
you got mad.
so we haven't talked.
but I'm not gonna lead the rest of my life,
with a goodbye like that.
you crazy?

so that was it.
THE goodbye.
weird how things end,
but I guess it's the beginning again.
the dial tone still stings.
she wasn't just another girl,
she wasn't just another person.
that's why I had to say goodbye.
finally.

- 3/ 2000

songs

the familiar song, or an undaunted melody
sparking memories of smoother days,
pulling tears from a hesitant eye,
sometimes making it hard to remember
that today will end and tomorrow
may be full of the happiest moments.
listening to those harmonies
attached with footnotes to a different
moment, scented with life,
growing with energy,
these are the bullets
passing through my ears, into my mind.

and I think.

I think of how I try to maintain,
try to move on, trying to live
the life I have been blessed with.
it's never been easy,
and being surrounded with voids
make it more difficult.
I hear the reminiscent chorus
of another general song
that you gave meaning to.
it's cheesy as hell,
but damn it still hurts to listen
to the words,
because I ran those lyrics through
my system as if they were a drug,
and they did make me feel good,
they did give me strength,
but the prescription expired,
and my medication
only burns my veins
with the cold blood running in them.

and I listen.

I listen to verses of what used to be
and what now, isn't.
the vibrant life serenading
my aura, scorches the strength
of my membranes,
making me feel vulnerable in my stomach,
forcing uncontent feelings of
nausea to an already vulnerable brain.
I used to sing with these songs
as if they were my language,
but I've lost proficiency in that dialect
and I find my self speechless,
pronouncing words outloud
but having no meaning in their echoes,
only leaving a repetitive cycle
of insignificant rhetoric
haunting a carcass thristy for
the reincarnation of a soulful music.

- rebel4ce, January 10, 2000

Emptiness

Emptiness, i've never felt
so strongly,
even at the time, you were lost,
like unwrapping a gift,
only to find an empty box.
The unfulfilled promise,
of everlasting dedication
remember when we said
it was forever?
But broken promises
shadow,
making my brainwaves hazy.
Emptiness,
the vacant soul,
once the embodiment of happiness,
of wholeness,
when you were the beat of my pulse,
racing in our disputes,
calm in our love,
but now,
I can care less
if I feel a thing
when I touch my neck.
Emptiness,
when my ears
are bathed by your laughter,
our laughter,
even at our distance,
we have life,
a life never foreseen,
and though it is sweet,
it drains me of my life.
Emptiness,
never felt as strongly,
never thought it could
be felt again,
let alone, this much.
I am replenished
by a cycle of sorrow,
and bittersweet happiness, because,
I love you.
I love you, as the person who I loved,
and have loved,
and the person who I want to
continue to love,
and that is why,
I am empty.

- rebel4ce, January 6, 2000

Rhyme untitled

the girl had eyes like the pacific,
and she make me scream specific,
like I wanna surf, or boogie on her waves,
paddle her aura like a slave, I crave,
the attention when I jock for contention,
but my heart is brave, like mel,
but she scary when she move so well,
I can tell, she got skills like a pro,
rockin the mic like she was part of hiero,
countdown to zero,
she's the second coming, bringing fire,
she's a bowl full of green making you higher,
and she never gets tired,
she make honest men into liars,
she make criminals into friars,
she give all that you desire, in a female,
always adding something new, never making me stale,
her voice prevails, she's the champ,
she make suckaz click like boot camp,
feeding hunger like food stamps,
she's beauty like a green light, when you late,
freeing your mind cuz she elevate,
giving untalented hands the change to create,
but she can devestate,
she can smoke you like hickory,
cause more chaos than a upset victory,
she can rewrite your history,
like the government and King James,
stomping your pride and giving you shame,
tame you like a lion,
even when you flying,
off her air, like a cold stare,
she dare you to compare,
giving options like a QB,
she taste sweet like a BD,
but they burn, your lungs will turn,
even when your bloodline churns,
but she's still the shit,
overwhelming like that game winning hit.

- rebel4ce, December 30, 1999

The Common Man

what can I offer
that the other guy
over there, couldn't give you?
I can give you a poem everyday,
with all the words,
perfect words,
bleeding with emotions,
the truest emotions,
the unique feelings
that only you can ever make me feel,
I can give you that.
but it gets old.
I can give you my dedication
for the rest of my life,
so that I am there enamored
by each of your breaths,
blinks, the way your hair shines
in the sunlight.
I can caress your image with
the love in my heart,
like no other person
would ever try to do,
but still, it's nothing special,
cuz any man,
could love you as much.
I can give you the roses,
the smiles,
the warmest hugs,
but sooner or later,
the hug, that smile, each rose
becomes just one in a million
that any other man
could have given you.
and so, I ask, what can I give you
that the next common man
could not?
and then you can realize
why I am not right for you,
as much as the next guy
just does not do it for you.
I am nothing more than a blur,
but you deserve
a sharper image.
I get wrinkled, I get worn,
all that I can do,
it all gets old.

- January 6, 2000

I Used to Believe

i used to believe
that what I gave you
could never be matched,
that in the end,
I could make you the happiest.
but from a faimilar face,
a friendly mouth,
I realized that you are in good hands,
as she said,
and in actuality,
in better hands.
I always tried to be the epitome:
the guy who could shine
upon any soul
and offer her proper salvation,
while in reality,
you needed to be saved
from my shortcomings.
I used to contend
that I could give you everything,
anything that you needed,
though true in one sense,
being that I can give you my all,
but it is rather false,
for the fact,
that someone else
can offer you more.


i used to believe.

- January 6, 2000

Do Not Get Sold

falling in love
is like searching
for the end of the rainbow,
or like flying in the air
on the back of a unicorn,
it is a fantasy full of hope,
never really fulfilled.
and so I have discovered,
that this journey to fall, does nothing
but make you suffer.
and so I have turned my back
on all the veins of this construct.
I will leave behind,
the hope of the right one,
turn down the hope that tomorrow will come
and bring about a sun,
that will shine on my generous soul,
and I will let go of that hope,
that someone out there will make me whole,
as a compliment to what
I can offer.
These things, I will forget.
and I will not fall,
for there is n gravity in my universe.
and if I fall, it won't be in love,
but rather I will get duped
into some sort of game
making me believe all over again.
but I don't want to believe,
for there is nothing
to look upon,
except advertisements selling
into our foolishness
that love is worth falling into.
if it were truly so,
we wouldn't need propaganda.
so i will not fall,
I will not believe,
I will not put faith
in a concept that will not conceive.
falling in love?
don't get sold.

- January 6, 2000

why?
===

I dig deep into the depths
of my death.
dramatic as it sounds,
the realities of my performance,
the outer layer,
the superficial essence,
the skin,
burns,
churns on the inside,
not of aura,
but of disdain,
the dishonor of the my name,
the bitter after taste
resonating on my tongue,
the selfish hymn that was sung,
or sang,
the delicate bells that rang,
chiming the end,
for it was coming, and it is here,
and I reek with sorrow, not fear,
the nerve of myself,
to attempt to endear.


to endear, the hymn,
dishonoring the taste,
of you burning aura,
I burn at the realities,
for my death is deep rooted.


oh yes, you see my heart beating,
my breaths keep repeating,
none of my existence, depleted
but I still am dead.
dead as I am not in nature,
but in a scientific mainframe,
disclaiming happiness for shame,
that I have fallen,
for the devil's heartiest joke:
that cupid is something
to give thanks to.
he can shoot arrows
to bring souls to fall...

One Second, One Thought

I.
Thank you, Lord,
For these eyes
You have blessed me with,
And this apparition
Of intrigue
Who's gotten
My pulse
In rhythm
With destiny,
For I see the future
With her,
And with all that I ask,
May I request
Another blessing
So I may
Venture into her eyes
And dance
In her cerebellum.

II.
Touch my hand,
To let me know
Your image,
This instance,
Our meeting,
Is real.
One second,
One pinch
Let me know
That I am not
High,
Yet still not grounded,
For this can be
Real.

III.
I remember
That night,
I sang to you,
For the first time,
And the last time.
I can't sing,
But you
Enjoyed it,
At least,
You pretended,
Like you did.
Thank you.

IV.
May I whisper
A thought,
While you are
Here
In my arms,
With the
Cold night air,
And the wrinkled
Bedsheets,
Comforting
The beads of
Sweat
And the colony
Of goosebumps
On my arms,
Wrapped around your love.
Thank God,
For the
Goosebumps.

V.
Please,
Turn around.
Don't leave,
So I will not be
Here,
Without you.
I would be fine
If you told me
That today,
Is just next week,
But next week,
Is forever.
One minute,
I'm given
To reserve
Yesterday, for a lifetime.

VI.
I hear a voice,
Hoping that
It is yours
To renounce
The distance,
That you called
Our fate.
Yet,
My hope
Is just
Teasing,
For though
I may hear
Your
Voice,
Your lips
Are not
Kissing
That receiver.
And my ear
Is just
Rattled
By the dial tone
Of a
Wrong number.

VII.
One chance,
To let you go
And one second
To move on,
For the Lord
Has blessed me
With this strength
To thank you,
For our moments,
And proceed
To smile,
Once more.

-Rebel4ce, Oct.99

My Sin

if you were a waste of time
I would have no reason to write
this rhyme,
for it’s a crime.
Send me to prison,
it’s been committed,
I will sit and be convicted.
Spend all my millions
of days left to breathe
but not live.
There is no freedom to become
what I truly believe
part of the sum,
you and I might
possibly be.
A combined entity,
because you are my soul’s epitome,
and the seconds tick
as my guilt grows thicker,
and my burning gets sicker,
as you pass by.
And if we lived in year’s past,
my punishment would sting
as they cut off my tongue
because I spoke the truth.
So, I can only die
as the weeks go by,
and my body gets weaker,
but my heart beats yet more
for maybe in heaven,
I may no longer
suffer from my sin;
and even grander the option:
it may not be wrong at all.
Eternal, my naive devotion
to a chance that may never come,
or seemingly,
may have already passed,
and plans in my future,
thus may be thrashed,
since my clock runs
on your approval,
like a parole,
my inhibted soul
can be uplifted,
if it were only permitted,
by you,
my source, my heart,
sharing its beat
with yours,
but yet again I may be
decapitated for my insolence,
but I don’t care.
I may be hung out to dry,
or ready to fry,
but give me once last stare
into your eyes,
before the culmination
of my demise,
and if you smile,
I may truly live
for one heartbeat,
and I will finally
rest my soul,
for I wasn’t wrong,
after all.

- Rebel4ce, July 29, 1999

From a Distance

From a distance I shall look,
an innocent gaze has gotten me hooked.
Ever so humble, I keep my eyes closed,
but you've captured my heart, but no one can know
Forbidden it's regarded, considered all wrong,
and I must fight the pain that's growing so strong.
It's ever so true, these emotions I feel.
and though I do want to, they can not be
revealed.
Each day of the week, each moment of the day,
I think of how nothing I can say.
I can't say what I want to, it's so unfair,
so from a short distance, I'll admire you there.

- Rebel4ce, Fall 1996 =X

Talk to Me

Talk to me..
just for a moment.
Let your soul shine.
get to know me,
just a little bit,
in the same way
I can get to know you.
Reveal the truth of our selves,
indulge in our lives.
Talk to me,
so I can talk to you.
Back and forth.
Like the 1s and 2s.
The break on one side,
the boom bap on the other.
Back and Forth.
THe sweet harmony
and rugged beat.
We won’t know each other,
the two distant heavens,
converging into one
systematic masterpiece.
Release your thoughts,
open that heart.
Feel the need I have
to learn more of you.
Talk to me.
I just want to know
who you are.

- Rebel4ce, March 1999

Wanting to Know You

Why do I,
spend so much time thinking
about you?
I haven’t shared
a special moment
with you.
I’m not in love with you,
that would be
premature.
Simply stated,
I am interested in the
person you are,
and this intrigue
fires my emoton
because I want to know you.
Yet, your’e distant,
so much that
it is hard to learn.
I am an eager student
waiting to be educated,
enthralled in the
elegant lesson you
can bestow on my soul.
Bless me further
than your smile already has.
I don’t know why,
I should spend such time
pondering my life,
and what you would have
to do with it.
I barely know you,
Do I need to know you?
Let me think for a second.
All the simple thoughts
I spend this day,
figuring out a way to know you.

- March 1999

Simple Slumber

The sweet smell of fruit
on my hand,
a subtle surpirse as I
scratch an itchy nose,
from allergies,
but it’s a comforting reminder,
we needed to
hold each other today.
Walking towards her,
for the first time
since the last I kissed her,
but she feels ill,
so she greets me,
biting her pride.
She has found treatment
in my arms.
Warmth, the lack of on a cold night.
One of the earliest memories;
initial sign of togetherness
she finds comfort in in heat.
No one else will do.
I am her sanctuary.
But distant dreams drift further,
and safley stays in a simple slumber.

- February 1999

Closed Eyes

The truth can not be denied
at night when I close my eyes.
Though I saw a face, it was not yours
yet beauty could not escpae
the essence of your soul, for which
I have seem to have fallen.
The moments pondered, grasping
the simple memory of a smile and
commanding my every thought.
To realize the landmark in my life,
I’ve grown this strength and it lived
in hope that your permission will
be granted to make you happy.
Dedication escaped my need
until I fell and you are my
ascension. The happiness that has
escaped; the loneliness that has prevailed,
it will be denied with the closure of my eyes:
the procession of this fantasy
into the sweet pinch of reality.

Fall 1998

Rejection

She may sit with him there,
yet alone is she so far,
Though she has some one near,
She is not complete in her heart.
She let the one go,
who once made her complete,
but she still loves him too much,
but she keeps that discrete.
She'd hurt the one who's close,
Just like the one she had before,
Because she still hasn't let go,
He still lies in her heart's core.
But nevertheless the first is gone,
While she asks him to return,
and the one right there next to her,
She is waiting to burn.
If the first had come back,
Would that one there still be around?
Or is she just teasing the first,
with the attention she surrounds?
How can she ask for friendship,
so early from the end,
when his heart still lies broken,
not yet having time to mend.
She fights for the attention,
She knows that she can receive,
For while he tries to let go,
The memory of her can't leave.
Because all that he's given,
All the tears he wept to try,
Were all quickly forgotten,
In less than a blink of an eye.
She received what she wanted,
from the one who sits there,
But is it him she wants,
or is it attention and care?
It's hard to spend life,
alone with out spot light,
And dreaming all lonely,
Makes it even worse at night.
For the first to lie there,
pondering what he meant,
When all of the two years,
For her was all that he spent.
But of course this was forgotten,
So quickly in the dust,
of what had been happy times,
turned into treatment unjust.
He tried to understand,
But did not know why,
His memory was lost,
From the moment he said goodbye.
And this pain lies in his heart,
While she fights her way into his mind,
Even though she had never left,
Still the atteniton was hard to find.
How can he be a friend,
When he hasn't let go,
While she sits with that one there,
Letting his feelings grow.
If all she wants is his friendship,
Then until he's ready, she must wait.
For he can't talk to her now,
In his vulnerable state.
When he told her he loved her,
Never once was it a lie,
It was always the truth,
She could see it in his eyes.
And if he were asked now,
the same question,
He'd answer the same,
With no hesitation.
But that's not what's at stake,
At this point in their lives,
The first isn't ready to be a friend,
And she still has that one by her side.

Summer 1997 (written from a heartbreak, sorry about the bitterness.. =P)

Marvel's Iron Man as Rodin's Thinker

Intro: The Call for the Silence

And then we whisper,
So that all could notice
The secrecy we maintain,
from them; just us.
To say what we know
When they are left
In wonder, and assume
What is going on with us.
When we just laugh
And keep to ourselves,
Amused from their guessing,
There is nothing between us.
Yet, while our silent words
And discrete performance,
Tickle their imagination,
My heart holds a megaphone.

Iron Man as Rodin’s Thinker

To think:
imagine worlds yet discovered,
fantasize a bond of two souls
yet recognized nor created
as realities to the other.
To think,
as Rodin had pondered,
and imagined when sculpting
Dante’s struggle to compose.
Evolution of the bare sincerity.
To think:
to materialize from thought to
substance, where I stop
thinking and convert my
brainstorming to truth.

I am Iron Man

Gazing through the living colors of a comic book:
Marvel Comics presents,
Tony Stark as the Invincible Iron Man.
Debonair millionaire fighting crime, faced
With no emotion.

Gaze deeper: I am Iron Man

To sleep at night gazing into darkness,
whispering to myself I have a harness:
our friendship.
Drift into the darkness and emerge towards the light,
like a simple blossom after a long rain.
Feeding from the sun to strengthen
my stem and enrich the bees to create the
sweet suckle of honey.
Like Eve’s first temptation with the apple,
I find independence in a distant dream
to be at the same level as my love;
But I do not bite the apple, so we are still free.
And it was good.

The darkness of daylight shines to disrupt
my meditation of natural resources with a conscious nightmare.
In my real world, God and love do not exist as nature;
I am a machine. I am Iron Man.

Like Tony Stark who lives in these pages,
Metal walls part reality from me.
Feelings I grace and hold within myself.
Freeze like the cold surface, silent armor.
Try to read my emotions through this suit,
And find yourself lost in a reflection,
Of cold stares gazing rampant in my thoughts.
My fear and past hurt create this armor.
In nature, love is free to feel and give.
Only if we lived as animals and
Not as machines regurgitating words
With no passion, versus cupid’s doctrine.

June 2, 1998 (I have an explication of this poem, ask and you shall receive.)