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THE
AZWIPE AWARD To the WORST of SDSU's crappus newspaper and the people who make it possible. Graphics by Victor Hernandez. |
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MONTEZUMA'S REAR-END: The coveted statue (judging from all the crap printed so far) is awarded to those whose work belongs at the bottom, who have added yet another crack to their newspaper's credibility, and who, therefore, deserve to be the butt of this joke. It is glow in the dark and scratch and sniff, providing the recipients with the same smell their work provides us.
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THE NOMINEES FOR THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 20-27, 1998 ARE:
DANA BUSHEE AND KATE NELSON
As city editor and editor in chief, respectively, Dana and Kate here let slip three fine examples of irrelevancy and sensationalism, IN A SINGLE ISSUE AND FRONT COVER (September 22, 1998) , in a newspaper published in a center for higher learning--which is supposed to be SDSU. Gee, lets see: SDSU has its own white house intern (of course, the name "Monica" HAD to appear in this front page note); ex-mafioso speaks about gambling; and a home made bomb explodes in Indiana. WOW! HOW RELEVANT! Anything else I might have missed from the National Enquirer, people? Perhaps something from there in the university of Andorra?
STEVE TROOP
This is Steve's second nomination for the AZWIPE award and, believe it or not, for the same reason: Using what's not his. For the most of two weeks Mr. Troop decided it would be just fine to use the work of Watterson, Larson, and Breathed for his own comic strip. Dude, can't you do your own work? Geez! All that trouble Bill Watterson went through so he could have control over his own work, and for this.
VIRGIL PORTER AND JESSICA YADEGARAN
Actually here Ms. Yadegaran carries most of the blame, as Arts editor, for letting this one slip, but since Virgil wrote the sory a nomination is deserved. Here's what happenned: On the September 22, 1998 issue, an entire page, which was supposed to be the "Arts" section was devoted to one single story which would have fitted in one quarter of a page or less. To make matters worse, the story was about some god-awful band that, oh, how original, uses computer sampling for covers. HOW INNOVATIVE! Yeah, like we've haven't heard Information Society, Depeche Mode, New Order, etc, etc before. And by the way: Please let Van Gogh out of this. His Starry Night keeps appearing in the Arts section but there's seldom anything actually related to fine arts.
KENJI THULOWEIT
For making such a big deal about TV having too few women characters in quite an irrelevant front page story from September 23, 1998. Because, of course, as we all, know, TV is JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! And, also of course, it's disgraceful that only 1/3 of the characters are women. Specially when they are genetically selected so they look NOTHING at all like real people. Tell you what, Kenji: if you find something about why does the entertainment industry discriminates the "none attractive" (males AND females) as much as they do then we'll let you rant as much as you want.
LAUREN FANCHER
For passing a half page full of gossip--in that ultra-professional "like, whatever, girlfriend" style of hers--as an actually relevant opinion column (see September 24, 1998 opinion page.) Curious how somebody who hasty generalized men by calling all of us "morons" wasted several tens of words just to say that if you're looking for a roomate you should find strangers. Hey Dana! When you get that job at the Enquirer you might want to take Lauren with you!
AND WINNER IS:
JAMES HOLTER
Actually, he has written crap several times, but this one kind of takes the cake. For calling a woman's right to choose "genocide," for assuming contraceptives are 100% effective 100% of the time, for implying that women alone should take responsibilty for their fertility when it concerns men AND women, for implying a woman who can not support another child is a murderer--instead of the responsible parent she is--, and in general for writing one of the most imbecilic pieces of crap the Aztec has ever printed (see September 23, 1998 issue.) Ah, nothing like letting some moron who says that "most of us" have smoked marihuana--and supports its use--, who thinks people under 21 should drink alcohol, and who thinks "Starship Troopers" is a good movie, to be morality officer. Jimmy, you are a true AZWIPE.
Because, of Jimmy's long tradition of lack of logic and idiotic rants (see our Annals page), we have decided not just to award him, as the AZWIPE he is, with Montezuma's Rear-end, but with the meritory "Go dunk your head in the toilet" medal of dis-honor (seen here underneath), reserved for those who are truly and beyond dispute AZWIPES. We try, Jimmy! We REALLY try to see things from your perspective, but it's simply IMPOSSIBLE for us to stick our own faces inside our butts.
As usual, the opinion editor who let this happen may feel free to share Jimmy's awards. You deserve them just as much as he does.
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