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THE
AZWIPE AWARD To the WORST of SDSU's crappus newspaper and the people who make it possible. Graphics by Victor Hernandez. |
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MONTEZUMA'S REAR-END: The coveted statue (judging from all the crap printed so far) is awarded to those whose work belongs at the bottom, who have added yet another crack to their newspaper's credibility, and who, therefore, deserve to be the butt of this joke. It is glow in the dark and scratch and sniff, providing the recipients with the same smell their work provides us.
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THE NOMINEES FOR THE WEEK OF OCTOBER 5-11, 1998 ARE:
KATE NELSON
For having more sports articles than actually relevant news. Apparently the Editor in Chief thinks that some moron kicking a ball is much more worth looking into than, say, REAL NEWS. Otherwise, why the hell does she allow this to happen? This is just a small breakdown of three days of this crap taking into account an average of the total space used for each type of article:
October 5, 1998: 2.5 pages of sports (including a front page story) vs. 1.3 of actual news (not including the campus calendar which nobody reads anyway--and takes the least effort to get anyway). The actual news, to make matters worse, were two stories about the same subject: Gray Davis. And how many pages of ads? Three.
October 6, 1998: Again: how come there are 3 sports stories vs. two news stories? Is there really NOTHING relevant going on? No news on why two thirds of the Art students are into Graphic Design and the rest can't take Photography because it's for GD students only?
October 7, 1998: Yet again!: two pages of sports (with 5 stories total) vs 1.5 of news with 4 stories. This newspaper of yours was supposed to be about ACTUAL NEWS right? Right, Kate?
We wonder if Ms. Nelson REALLY thinks that the thing students at SDSU care the most for is sports. Kinda dissapointing, really. Specially when you consider that if you get rid of the sports section you could add some actually relevant news and features. IT'S JUST A FUCKING LEATHER BALL AND A BUNCH OF IDIOTS AFTER IT! GEEZ!!
DANA BUSHEE (city editor)
For that super-sense for news relevancy. October 6, 1998; First front page story: Semi truck overturns and there are no injuries. Well, of course! Now THAT is socially conscious journalism! What a story! It MUST be on the front page! Gee, if there would have been a couple of injuries they might have gotten a Pulitzer nomination!
Look, if you have nothing else to fill up space with, don't print anything! Or go into the classrooms and start asking what college life is all about. That would certainly be much more relevant than A DAMN OVERTURNED TRUCK THAT STOPPED TRAFFIC FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS AND INJURED NOBODY! Ah, and don't miss tomorrow's edition where we'll tell you about some guy who fell from his bike but got up and went home uninjured.
STEVE TROOP AND JESSICA YADEGARAN
Both for the same reason: using what's already been used. Apparently Stevie here is a big fan of Bill Amend and decided to "pay homage" to his JASONDOWS 98 parody doing the exact same bit with his muppet-garfield-looking characters. Nice going, dude! All that originality is SO impressive!
Jessica was even worse: Since nobody can write anything good to fill up space in her Arts page she was satisfied with using one of those Saturday Night Live "Jack Handy" bits. Geez... Don't you people know how to do some creative writing? Some ARTS page....
WHOEVER WROTE THE OCTOBER 7, 1998 EDITORIAL
Specially if you consider the following: First they say "employees at The Daily Aztec earning minimum wage are paid $5.75..." Then they say: "Many students work on campus because they are paying for their own tuition and books, not to mention food, rent and necessay items..." And then they say: "Students who work for SDSU are state employees, and should receive the state minimum wage."
This means either the daily aztec is finally paying ALL of their employees and contributors what's RIGHT, or they are, as usual, talking shit, since, if I remember correctly, as far as last semester a whole bunch of people didn't get paid AT ALL for their work--and they are state employees, no?
So nice example there. Perhaps you'll pick up some new one the next time that ACTUALLY makes sense.
WHOEVER IS DOING THE NEW DAILY AZTEC WEBPAGE
For not using a HTML editor to actually WRITE the source code for the pages. Now not only there's one mess of unnecessary tags, but the links don't even make sense: the "boos and bravos" link takes you to some other day editorial, there are links for "october 8" which belong to the previous day edition (in fact, not a single link for october 8 actually takes you to an article for that edition), and other quite embarrassing mistakes like that. Here, try this out: http://victorhtml.home.ml.org. You're welcome. And use NOTEPAD; the RIGHT way. Really, man... With crappy HTML like that we don't even feel inclined to spoof the aztec site again. It's already a joke as it is!
AND THE WINNER IS:
H.A. LOUDERMILKFor that typically convenient historical amnesia of his. Some time ago he used Washington as a reference for decency (see our ANNALS page), ignoring his racist sayings on Native Americans. Now Adrian here is giving us the following nugget of stupidity in his October 7, 1998 opinion column: "Out of pure short-sighted self-interest, the United States and others are now complicit in propping up a Communist dictatorship in China and technocrats in Japan." Yeah, as opposed to CAPITALIST DICTATORSHIPS IN LATINAMERICA (Remember Chile's Pinochet?), and TECHNOCRATS IN MEXICO (Remember Carlos Salinas de Gortari AND Ernesto Zedillo?)
But there's more. Then Adrian goes on to say this fine example of imbecility: "What lessons can be learned from Indonesia? Simple: Let the economies of East Asia fail. The people will demand change. Real democratic change."
Obviously Adrian knows very little about economics and much less about what's going on in Mexico, so we'll give him a some background: 1994: after 6 years of economic neoliberalism (read "unrestrained capitalism") under Carlos Salinas, the Mexican economy plunges into chaos. The Peso gets devalued by 50% and about 80% of the population sinks into poverty.
As a result the ultra-conservative PAN (Partido Accion Nacional) party gains power by making deals with the dominant PRI (Partido Revolucionario Institucional) so they can both share power under the appareance of democracy BUT without solving the real economic problems --heck! They even refused to lower sale taxes!-- AND increasing censorship and intolerance in Mexican arts, communications, education and religion.
As a result now the Mexican economy is even worse, the conservative capitalists are allowed to turn their banking frauds into public debt, big capitalists are given permission to charge interests over the interests on small debtors (meaning most of the middle class), and more and more people sink into poverty. Some change out of failure...
We do suggest to Adrian here to stop talking about what he does not know, or to start looking into what's right in front of him. Either way what he REALLY needs is a nice dose of reality. Maybe it's the porn...
And, of course, because of Adrian's merit as a true AZWIPE, just like his coworker James Holter who thinks Russia is one huge alcoholic paradise just because he saw one statistic on Russian drinking (yeah, strong words from a guy who thinks it's OK to smoke pot and who wants 18 year olds to drink alcohol), we hereby present to him Montezuma's Rear End. We hope he'll kiss it in his joy.
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