Who the hell says that without Maradona there wouldn't be any spectacle? After all, the true idols of this beautiful game, the authentic heroes- the trainers, the managers, the officials and the referees- will stick with us forever! And we don't have a thing to worry about, knowing that they will always continue improving the game, through the invention of new methods of eliminating this serious irritation, fortunately less and less imminent, which is called the individual player. They have not quite yet completed this mission, but we should give them some more time since they follow the right direction...

Of course, we would neither be forced to tolerate the impertinence of this chap and his scandalous attitudes, that recognize no authority! No, those who will follow this Diego will be all as obedient and as disciplined as little puppies, and their minds will never even begin to contemplate the vicious idea of protesting against injustice or claiming the rights of the players. How ingrateful the fellow is! How could he possibly refuse to appreciate the unprecedented favour those generous gentelmen of the FIFA, the AFA and the press, granted him. For it is well known by everybody that when they first saw him, as a little child, he was decaying in poverty, like millions of other children of his kind, lazy and stupid, and they, being the benevolent people that they are, who know oh so well the meaning of pity and tenderness, did the imposible to rescue him. They took him out of his slum, dressed him, fed him, teached him with infinte patience how to play soccer (mr. Havelange himself conducted his dribbling lessons!), and offered him the opportunity of attaining fame and fortune. But he, after such a huge sacrifice made with the only motive of helping him, didn't even bother to thank them!

As if all this wasn't enough, he fell into a drug habit... We gave him everything, but he, greedy as he is, couldn't be happy, and had to look for other means of inspiration. And now, the hell are we going to give him a helping hand, after all the times he betrayed us! On the contrary, we should test him for drugs each and every game, in order to expose it all and humilliate him, to finish his career once and for all! Last time we suspended him for one year and a half, thinking it would do the job, but the bastard insisted on returning. But we aren't going to repeat the same mistake again, I'm convinced of that! Next time we will suspend him for life, put him behind bars!

Because of all that, Diego Armando Maradona, I also say to you: RETIRE NOW! Maybe you were a great player but as a human being you are a dwarf. Unlike the rest of us, who are great men, filled with values, exponents of honesty, brilliant examples of coherence. We don't change our minds every three minutes like you do! We do not know the meaning of fear, envy or boredom! This gives us every right to judge you, superior creatures that we are. Yes, learn from us how to be a decent man in this life! Learn from us the sublime art of mediocrity!