Being Happy (You Win Some, You Lose Some)

Dated: January 2002.
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Good Things Do Happens....
After the defeat in Jakarta, I felt sure that I'll never get that scholarship that SSC offers. A friend of mine told me to just apply anyway. Who knows I may get lucky. Afterall, he says, my performance isn't bad. Just that I meet with this tall guy from Malaysia, which isn't easy to beat. Well I did apply and guess what; the SSC did give me a scholarship. Although it's only $5,000.00, still it'll help me get on my way to Staffordshire University. Good things do happens.

Bad Things Do Happens Too.....
I met this girl in one of the volunteer groups in Singapore. But only recently did I realise that such a girl is hard to find. She's not that pretty, but she's a soft, sweet, decent girl with good qualities, something you'd look for in a real woman. Anyway, I tried to get her attention whenever I can, though I must admit I'm terrible at it. Well, she put up a poem on the table one fine day and I happen to read it. It's about a girl missing her boyfriend. Anyway, I thought maybe that the poem is for real (actually it is a lyric of a song), so I wrote a poem on my own and I left it on the table with her poem. I know she read it, even though I wasn't there when that happens (after writing the letter I quickly make some excuses and left). Well, some time later we happen to talk in private (just by accident), and she told me about the poem. But she told me that she had somebody else in mind, and that there's no room for me. Well, basically that's how it happened. I was hurt, and as I am writing this the hurt can still be felt.

It's How You See It....
You know, there was a time that if something like this happens to me, I would have proceeded to stand in front of a speeding truck. But not anymore. I look at what I have now. I get to go to university. Not many Malay youths in Singapore have that chance. I get to fight in international competitions. Not many people have that chance either. And, not to mean to sound arrogant, not many people in Singapore can beat me in Silat Wiralaga.
Part of mental training encourages me to see the two sides of the coin. It allows me to see that, even though I was defeated in Jakarta and the rejection by this fine woman, I still have my worth. It's not like I'm denying that I've got bad breaks, it's remembering that there are other good things that's happening, and that more good things will come. My action now is to choose whether to wallow in misery, or to concentrate on what I have and possibly make them better. I chose the latter.
In a few months I will be going to SU. New challenges await me. It won't be easy to get a degree, but still when there's a will there's a way! I will do the best I can and not let my mother or my late father down. If I'm anything, I can do whatever I will myself to do. I didn't quit in Jakarta; I'm not about to quit now.
I don't acquire this line of thinking naturally. I acquire it from mental training. I also acquire it in the ring as me and my opponent thump each other to a pulp. Even if I'm losing I still fight on; that's my style. Even if I can't defeat him I make him respect me. And incidentally, that guy from Malaysia, and his team mates, do respect me (after the fight).
I just want to conclude that, no matter what other people say about mental training, I still find mental training worthwhile. It gives me the courage to accept the truth, so as to possibly improve myself. It gives me the assurance (by looking at my good fortunes) that the bad things that happened can only devastate me only if I let it so.
Still, how I wish mental training can remove this pain in my heart.