Sincerity

The keyword here is sincerity. If you are sincere about training, you'll come to training regularly. And when you train, you put your heart into it. You may not be able to do full splits at first, or your front kick keeps sliding off the punching bag. But if you are truly sincere, and you put the effort to improve, sooner or later you will improve. You may not be able to do full splits, however, but at least you will be better than when you first started training (assuming, of course, that you have a competent instructor).

Let me give you an example from my experience in the National Team. When I first entered the Team in 1992, I wasn't exactly a good fighter. But I am willing to admit to my shortcomings. I know I needed to improve. This is when sincerity comes in. You have to be sincere to yourself, accept your shortcomings, and see how you can improve yourself. If you are not sincere, and refuse to accept that there are problems about your fighting ability that you need to solve, you will never improve. How can you improve yourself if there is no problem (or so you believe) to solve in the first place? Feedback from various (honest) people is good for me. They help me see myself from a different perspective, and there's value in that. There are times when I asked a friend to go to a corner with me and asked him questions about my techniques or fighting style. Gradually, I became a better fighter.

So you see how being sincere to yourself can help you in becoming a better fighter. If you are not sincere, well, pain will come your way, and will signal you to check yourself to see where you can improve. If still you don't improve (to be exact, refuse to believe you need to improve), well, the pain will still keep on signaling. Especially when you spar and they knock your lights out. One hell of a signal there!

It is worth mentioning here that this very idea of sincerity is not only applicable in martial arts, but in life as well. Some people (like me) are always having problems in, for example, relationships. If the person concerned does not look at himself and sincerely admits to his shortcomings that leads to the breakdown in the relationship, then if he has another relationship it will only end the same way as the first one. If he cannot (sincerely cannot) see his own shortcomings, he may seek help from a trusted friend or honest relatives, get their feedback, and see where to go from there. This way, gradually he will see the problem, and will then be able to try (sincerely try, if he wishes) to solve it and thus make his life better.

This 'concept' of sincerity is not my own creation. It is in existence in various Eastern religions. For example, Confucians are taught to find sincerity in themselves before they can gain the trust and respect of others. They are also taught that without sincerity they will suffer in their relationships with others around them.

In the religion of Islam, it is emphasized time and time again that hypocricy is the mark of a man destined to hell, or something like that. A man who truly believes in Islam will avoid what is disallowed, and follow the teachings of the Quran and the Prophet to the best of his abilities. And in this I find a lot of insincerity around me. Muslims brothers and sisters, engaging in activities that are against the laws and ways of Islam. They are being insincere to themselves, and for this they will suffer, just like the martial artist that will not learn from his mistakes will suffer. And not necessarily in hell, either. Their pain will come slower compared to the martial artist. But it will come.

Even in studies this 'concept' of sincerity is important. If we sincerely try to do our best, we will be able to succeed in education. It is my believe that people with degrees and diplomas are not necessarily smarter than other people are. It's just that they have greater perseverance, and when they encounter a problem (such as study workload, understanding of a subject, to say a few), they don't make excuses (lousy lecturers, lousy school system, no time to do homework, etc) and run away from the problem. They face it, admit that they can put effort to do what they need to do, and they sincerely do their best to solve their problem. Thus the way they succeed, all because they are willing (sincerely willing) to accept their shortcomings.

In the National Team, you'll meet people who have won this medal and that medal. You find people who have their pictures in the newspaper and on TV. Some of these people are not really that bad. But some are. These other people can be obnoxious sometimes. They would berate others around them that are not part of their clique. They would look down on others just because those others are not as good as they are. And in that kind of environment, it is hard to accept your shortcomings openly, for that will invite destructive (not constructive) criticism, jeers, and insults that really, I mean really, can make your heart boil. And can you accept criticisms from people like that?

My point is; if we are surrounded by people that we don't trust, or people that look down on us or judge us severely, we will not be able to accept criticism. One can only accept criticism from someone that he can trust or respect. He does not need to ponder about this. His instinct will tell him which one around him that he can confide in. And if his instinct says it's better not to admit to his shortcomings to prevent any verbal or non-verbal attacks, he will do just that.

In a way, it is good that we don't accept criticism from 'obnoxious' people. They may give useful feedback, but the affects on one's self-confidence and morale can be so devastating that it does more harm than good. We should confide in people that we trust. Or people that really care for us, who wouldn't harm us just so they would look good in the eyes of others (or in their own eyes). Talk to someone, but make sure you can trust him.