How to Raise a Spoiled Brat

by Elizabeth Pantley

  1. When your child demands to know WHY, take at least fifteen minutes
    to explain your reasons until he happily agrees with you.

  2. Make sure you follow every request with a polite,
    sincere and pleading, "Okay??"

  3. If your child wants something you don't want to give her,
    let her ask at least five times with varying degrees
    of emotion and intensity before you give in.

  4. Offer a treat (such as a bag of candy or a pony)
    if he does a job, like taking out the trash.

  5. At least once a day, make an absurd threat
    you'll never follow through on, like
    "If you don't stop now we'll never come to McDonald's again!"

  6. Never follow through with action
    until you have repeated yourself at least four times.
    (Preferably shouted from two rooms away
    from your child's estimated position.)

  7. Make sure your kid's bedroom carpet is completely covered with junk,
    especially inexpensive plastic toys,
    so that she'll have a visually enriching environment.

  8. Each time your child yells "It's not fair!"
    try to see why this is true and modify your behavior
    so that you are precisely fair.

  9. Allow your kids to snack and watch TV
    while you clean the kitchen, pick up the mess,
    and collect all their dirty laundry.

  10. Do not, under any circumstances, read parenting books,
    attend lectures on parenting topics or subscribe to any magazine
    that features articles about discipline and child-rearing.

    For more of Elizabeth Pantley's parenting wisdom and helpful hints,
    visit her website:

    Elizabeth Pantley: Home Page

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