Strengths and love of family life
All families have strengths. Every family has a story, rich and full where these strengths were used to overcome difficulties - all the stuff life serves up.
Don't believe for a moment that such stories belong to someone else. They don't. Don't think other families possess some super strength that does not reside in your family.
Besides, thinking only other families can succeed in family life negates the power that is yours for the asking, the holiness God grants to families so that they grow and prosper in spite of adversity - like the loss of a job. I know what that's like.
"I met the board, and we've decided to accept your resignation," I was told in a job quite a few years ago. "What resignation?" I asked, feeling the heart spread through my face, embarrassed, though I knew it was coming since the argument we had the week before.
And I wondered, what would I tell Chris?
For me, the smallest part of my job loss is economic. The sense of diminishing is most crushing.
I recall that my ride home that day was far too short. But Chris knew the whole of it as soon as I walked in the door. As the story tumbled out, she held me, a safe haven in a proverbially heartless world.
To condensed this story, the months ahead were to prove a time of miracles. The strengths and love of family, of friends, of strangers helped me to find what God's plan for me was. And God always has a plan, though it is difficult to see when times is hard.
I believe that our home does better at discerning God's plan than it otherwise would, because of the weekly family meetings we started in the early 1980s, during the evening meal.
There have been many graced moments at these meetings and some not so graced! The biggest advantage is that our meetings established free, open, communication. Rather than simply announce something, we suggest it and talk it through.
We've talked about feelings. When something significant comes up, we gather. We have an established pattern. We give each other turns. And we respect what each other says.
Even my decision to accept the position I now have in Wheeling, W. Va., was made at that table.
I cherish my head, less to recall any specific issue than for the warmth and sense of completeness they've brought.
Mealtime grace is another factor of our family life. But before you say, "Give me a break," listen: This developed gradually, an evolutionary process that came to be ours.
We began with a candle. Everyone knew whose turn it was, for they moved around the table so that each could sit by - or away - from Dad. Little hands struggled to hold the match that lit the wick.
We used prayer for a time that offered snippets of Scripture and a short reflection, often astounding in how they captured the day's problem.
Then, we held hands as we passed along a blessing for the day. Beautiful things came. Secrets we may otherwise have missed tumbled out. And when the blessings made the turn and came back to me, I said (and continue to say):
"For all these things we thank You Lord, and invite You to share our meal as we say: Bless us O Lord and these Thy gifts…"
- By Stephen Botos (Coordinator of Family Life, Diocese of Wheeling Charleston - W. Va)
