So I heeded all their warnings
and protected them by law...
Guarded them very carefully,
And always wore a bra.
After 30 years of careful care,
the doctor found a lump,
He ordered up a mammogram,
To look inside that clump.
"Stand up very close," she said,
as she got my tit in line.
"And tell me when it hurts," she said
"Ah, yes, there! That's just fine!"
She stepped upon a pedal...
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down...
My boob was in a vice!!!
My skin was stretched 'n stretched
from way up by my chin
And my poor tit was being squashed
to Swedish pancake thin!!
Excruciating pain I felt,
Well in its vice-like grip,
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor, defenseless lit'l tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me.
Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
I can't breathe, and woozy I am getting!
"There, that was good!" I heard her say
as the room was slowly swaying.
"Now let's get the other one."
"Lord, have mercy!" I was praying!
It squeezed me from the up and down
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet she's never had this done,
to her tender little hide!
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now....
If there had been a cyst in there,
it would have popped -- ker pow!!!
This machine was obviously made by man,
of this I have no doubt!
I'd like to get his balls in there,
and for months he'd go 'without'!!!
SERIOUSLY, for info concerning mammograms, check these sites:
The Great Debate as published in U.S. News 1/17/97
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