Robert Taylor Priest was born on November 10th 1987. Actually, his original name was Robert Christian. I had filled out the birth certificate and everything when a nun visited my room in the hospital. She asked me what I had named the baby. "Robert Christian!" I announced proudly.
"Hmm..." she answered, "Robert Christian PRIEST??" I was mortified!! I had never said the whole name together like that!! Needless to say, I quickly changed his name!!
I was single when he was born, his father had left the picture long before Robby showed up, but it didn't matter. He was mine. He was a happy baby. He actually loved to say "gooooo"!! (I didn't know babies really said that, always thought it was a cartoon thing!) Anyway, when he would say "goooo" his little bottom lip would quiver and I would laugh and laugh. He had one very funny quirk. No matter what I did, he always had a little ball of lint in his fist. I don't know how he collected it, he just did! Several times a day I would clean out his little fist and before I knew it, he would have another little ball of lint started! He had red hair just like his Mom and I think his eyes were going to be the same shade of puke green brown as mine too. I wonder if he would have hated that as much as I do.
At any rate, we were a team! I was determined to make a life for us and so I registered in college. I still have my college id from that year. I couldn't get a babysitter for registration day and so I took Robby with me. It was bitter cold out and I tucked him down into my coat. In my college id picture you can see his little almost bald head peeking out. I love that picture.
We had our own song too. You must remember this was 1987!! Well, there was a song that was a hit then called "Heaven Is A Place On Earth". I loved that song and would sing it to Robby daily at the top of my lungs and dance him around the living room. I felt powerful when I sang to him..... I felt as if I could raise him alone. Here are some of the words to that song for anyone who is not familiar with it:
Oo baby do you know what it's worth
Oo heaven is a place on earth
They say in heaven love comes first
We'll make heaven our place on earth!
On the night of February 11th 1988 it was cold and snowy. I put Robby to bed and looked in on him a little later. He was laying on his back staring toward the ceiling. I remember being amazed at the look on his face. It was so clear and calm and so deep, as if he had some knowledge beyond this earth. I had an urge to take him into my bed, but decided not to.... he seemed so content.
When I awoke the next morning, he was still asleep. I started warming his bottle and went to his crib to wake him. He was snuggled down under his blanket and I laid my hand on his back and called his name. I noticed immediately that his body felt heavier than normal.... he seemed so still. I pulled the blanket back and he was stiff and slighly blue. I pulled him into my arms and ran to the phone to call 911. The voice on the phone went through the CPR procedure with me. I put my lips against his tiny cold ones and tried to blow life into him....oh I tried so hard. It seemed like hours before the paramedics got there. I sat in a corner in horror as they put paddles on his tiny chest and tried in vain to spark his heart into action. I sat and watched them glance at me with fear..... they didn't want to tell me the truth.... and my mind kept screaming "NO! NO! NO! This cannot happen!" Finally, they laid his body on the couch and covered him. I sat there not moving as they asked questions and filled out papers. I stared motionless at the one tiny fist that hung out from under the sheet. Someone must have called my mother because she arrived and sat down beside me. Just before they took him away I stood up and went to him. I took his tiny hand in mine one last time and opened his little fist....into my hand fell a tiny ball of lint.
The music you are listening to is "My Heart Will Go On" the theme from the movie "Titanic". People often say to me that I am a stronger person they they are and that they could not handle the death of their child. The truth is, when it happens, you have no choice but to handle it. Whether you like it or not, your heart keeps beating and each beat of my heart will drum out his name forever. I love you Robby, in my heart you will always live on....and on.
Love,Mommy XXOO
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