One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't
dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was
broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."



 One Sunday morning the preacher was getting warmed up about the
 "evil of drink." 

 He said, "If I had all the beer in the world I would take it
 and throw it in the river."

 He went on, "And if I had all the wine in the world I would take it and
 throw it in the river."

 Getting wound up really well he said, "And if I had all the liquor in
 the world I would take it and throw it in the river." 

 Then he sat down, content he had gotten the point across that he had no 
use for "the spirits."

 The choir master got up and announced the final song for the service,

 "Shall We Gather at the River."



The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a
good night story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and
touch his wrinkled cheek

By and by, she was alternately stroking her own cheek and then his again. 
Finally, she spoke: "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

"Yes, Sweetheart," he answered; "God made me, a long time ago."

"Oh," she said. Then, "Granddaddy, did God make me, too?"

"Yes, indeed, Honey," he assured her. "God made you, just a little while ago."

"Oh," she said.  Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's
getting better at it now, isn't He?"



A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of 
the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck
came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the 
driver's door of the Jag.

The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it 
wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.  Before the cop 
had achance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.

His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely
 ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried 
to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his 
head in disgust and disbelief.  "I can't believe how materialistic you 
lawyers are," he said.  "You are so focused on your possessions that
 you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.  The cop replied, 

"Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down?"
"It must have been torn off when the truck hit!"

"OH NO!" screamed the lawyer.  "Where's my Rolex?


 
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.  A sign comes up that reads
"Low bridge ahead."  Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and
he gets stuck under the bridge.  Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.  The cop gets out of his car and walks around
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."



One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair
and sadly said: "Why is some of your hair white mom?" The mother
replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or
unhappy, one of my hairs turn white." The girl thought about this for a
minute, and then said, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are
white?"