When I ordered How a Man Prepares His Daughters for Life from HSLDA I was prepared to receive a book which was full of things that I should be doing (or should have done) in order to produce ideal adult daughters. I was expecting marching orders to accomplish semi-impossible tasks in days that were already full with family, church, and work demands. Instead, I read through a short volume packed with encouragement, testimony, and practical advice from a man, Michael Farris, who is raising six daughters according to the principles outlined in this book.

Michael Farris's goal for How a Man Prepares His Daughters for Life was "to share some things I've learned so that you can be better equipped to be a dad." He grabs at fathers' hearts as he recounts the moment when he held his first daughter in his arms for the first time. He says in print what we remember going through our minds, "You wanted to be a good dad--a great dad." Then he points out the real reason he expects us to read his book, " and the desire to be a better father to that little girl still burns in your heart."

From that introduction and on through the next ten chapters Farris continues to remind us of what we already know in our hearts is the right thing to do for our daughters. He uses examples from his own family life and testimonies from women who have shared their experiences as daughters to show what works and what doesn't seem to work when it comes to raising daughters.

Farris stresses the importance of knowing what type of father you are and knowing the weaknesses that are present to some extent in almost all fathers. These stumbling block father types are referred to as Mr. Success, Father Knows Best, Sugar Daddy, Father Figure, The All-Male Dad, and Pushover Papa.

Mr. Success is the type of father who wants to be a good dad. He simply wants success more! Farris writes, "There is nothing wrong with success in and of itself. But to obtain it at a time or in a manner that requires the sacrifice of the lifeblood of our relationships with our daughters is far too dear a price to pay."

"The Father Knows Best kind of dad becomes a stumbling block to his daughter when he insists on always being right. It's always 'my way or the highway' with this guy. He only 'accepts' his daughter when her performance, looks, or choices please him."

The Sugar Daddy is the type of father whose only fathering method is acquisition of material goods. Farris warns and encourages, "Giving your daughter 'things' may make the adjustments in the years ahead quite difficult. Giving yourself to your daughter will teach her the value of real love that can carry her through the best of times and the worst of times."

The Father Figure is a father in name only. He is preoccupied with things like TV or computers.

The All-Male Dad may have problems relating to their daughters simply because they are born female.

The Pushover Papa is reluctant to discipline his daughters, even if he does discipline his sons. "If you are too much of a pushover, then strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees and take the necessary steps to moderately, lovingly, and without anger discipline your daughter when she needs it."

After confronting fathers with their possible weaknesses, Mr. Farris issues this challenge, "Are you willing to grow and change yourself, and to give your daughter the best gifts she can ever receive--strength of character, depth of soul, emotional health--and a glimpse of what the heavenly Father is like?" It becomes quite difficult to put down the book after such conviction and such a challenge.

Farris proceeds to point out positive aspects of our fathering as he discusses building relationships with our daughters. He notes our need for lovingkindess, laughter, learning, loving, listening, communication, and courtesy.

Spiritual Leadership is a crucial issue for any husband and father and often one where we are the clumsiest. Farris writes, "If we want a spiritually fuzzy result, then spiritually random activity will work nicely. But if we want precise spiritual results in our daughters, then we need to formulate precise spiritual goals and create activities and training designed to reach these goals."

The chapter on Spiritual Leadership is applicable to any child, any family member, and not just daughters. Farris stresses the need for personal preparation of the father and the daughter, prayer, planning and setting goals. Then, as he does throughout the book, he shows how it has worked with his daughters.

As a father I appreciated the godly wisdom Mr. Farris offered in his discussions of friendship and romantic relationships. Here are some excerpts:

• Friendships are not neutral. Interaction between two people usually results in some kind of movement--up or down--in values and behavior."
  
• "Friendships made in childhood may or may not last for a lifetime. But friendship skills do last forever. A daughter who is trained to find her closest friends from those who share her moral and spiritual commitments will as an adult surround herself with friends who help her grow in faith."
  
• "Let me suggest that we are being totally unfair to our daughters (and sons, too)--not to mention unrealistic about human nature and the state of our culture--if we believe that our children can easily engage in sex-free romance"
  
• "Teach your daughter to save her heart for her husband and you will have little trouble convincing her to live a physically pure life in the midst of a thoroughly rotten world."
  
• "Moral excellence is built on a foundation of emotional abstinence."

Michael Farris covers several other areas of interests to fathers raising daughters. He explains how his family

approaches makeup, dress, and personal appearance issues. This leads to a discussion of feminism and how his daughters view themselves as "empowered traditionalists." We are also given steps to take if we wish to produce responsible adults and effective citizens. How a Man Prepares His Daughters for Life is a well-written, thoughtful, and practical guide to being a father to your daughters. Although one of my daughters is a teenager and the other is beginning her 'tween' years I don't feel as if it is too late to apply what I've learned from this book to their lives. Any relationship can benefit from the type of commitment, caring, and consideration proposed by Mr. Farris.

As I finished this book I had a great sense of hope that I could do several of the items he proposed and begin them right away! I was not overwhelmed to the point of helplessness as so often happens when I am confronted with "perfect parenting" books. Farris encourages us this way near the end of his book, "Be diligent. Work hard. Pray much. Do your very best. And I believe that God will bless your work with a grown-up lady of whom you can be immensely proud."

How a Man Prepares His Daughters for Life, by Michael Farris, is published by Bethany House Publishers. I ordered my copy (about $9) from the Home School Legal Defense Association, (540-338-5600).