HELP ME FIND THE JOKES!!
I will be needing the best jokes around!! Please submit your joke, riddle or funny story. I will post the best of the best and credit the person sending it in. I will feature a hot piece of humor in a places of honor each week and I am even going to create an award for featured humorists. Please submit your attempt at humor by emailing me HERE.
Please put the word JOKE in the subject line. Also if it is a specific type of joke, (ie JOKE, blond). Thank you!
Come Back in a week or two for the first installments!!
Please do not bother sending in anything but family oriented material. All other subject matter will be deleted without reply!
THE FIRST OF THE WINNERS
OK, Sun is suing Microsoft. Big deal.
Microsoft is small potatoes.
The workstation vendor has ten more lawsuits waiting in the wings:
10. Suit against Microsoft: the CD-ROM "Microsoft Cats" infringes on McNealy's ownership of "hair ball" metaphors.
9. God: for creating that sun that is bigger than Sun, the computer company.
8. Sun-Maid Raisins: Sun doesn't make raisins!
7. Novell: gratuitous Java news ticker on home page.
6. McDonalds: for making dangerous Java.
5. Microsoft again: for emotional damage caused by Microsoft having fastest Java Virtual Machine.
4. The moon: unlicensed use of Sun reflective energy.
3. Starbucks: noncompliant Java implementation (doesn't support RMI).
2. Marimba: for making Java look cooler than it actually is.
1. Coppertone: "sunblock" technology is blatant restraint of trade.
THANK YOU BILL HAINES-WHALLEY FOR THE WINNING FUNNY!
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."
"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
THANK YOU TERA FOR THIS GREAT BLOND JOKE.
PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR FUNNIES!!!!
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