A Parents' angst

... when your kids are hurting

Getting back on our feet again ... and then slipping. Why was it such an emotional earthquake for us when Debbie died? I think we had come to have so much faith in the church leaders that we almost thought they could do no wrong. We were in the Church for about thirteen years, and did not leave till Debbie died. And it`s only now that I`m finally able to manage to actually put into words some of those feelings and the re-evaluation I`ve undergone.
For several years we scarcely mentioned the Church, or Debbie`s death. In fact it has been only the past year or two that we have actually verbalized our disagreements with our Church. That`s how much we had them on a pedestal. I know this probably sounds crazy.
When Debbie died it was like our world was turned upside down. I`ve lost other members of my family, but the loss of none of them affected me so much as that of Debbie. Why was that? I think part of it was that I had convinced myself, through numerous scriptures and promises, through optimistic "Word of the Lord" encouragements from various members of our fellowship, that Debbie would not die. I tell you, NO one wanted more to believe those positive predictions than I myself.

When childish experimentation turns habitual

When Debbie died our older kids started having trouble, and our second son, the closest to Debbie, went really off, turning to an anti-social belligerence, getting into fights, bullying, starting fires, breaking windows. How could we have missed the warning signs? I think to some extent we (Dad and Mom) were so caught up in our own shock and pain, that we failed to see the grieving, the crying out for help, of our children. All we could do was punish and scold. The kids were hurting, did we make it worse?
We just did not have the emotional resources in ourselves to offer the help they truly needed. Ultimately, I returned to college, something I had wanted to do without realizing it for a long time. Our older kids all had a rocky time of it through high school, but all of them (except the second son) are straightening out their lives now.
The second son, Ben, just could not move on. A judge friend commented to us that Ben just had so much anger. He is incarcerated right now, after many chances. Jesus loves him and I love him, but you just can`t assault people and bully people, and carry a chip around on your shoulder looking for a chance to unload on someone.
But now, thankfully, even Ben is reaching out, is opening up to receive that healing balm in Gilead. He has been blessed with a chaplain whose patience and perseverence is breaking through barriers that hot and hasty judgmentalism never could.
And Ben has found some Christian pen pals, I hear. Godly, loving people who, by mail, share with him, and witness to him, and lift his spirits.

To see current DETAILS about our son, Ben

I'd love to hear from you

Bob Shepherd with some pizza pals, 2008

for "Peace Comes" Dad's view
for "Mom's Perspective" Our big family
for "robbi's" Prison outreach and penpals
for a big family Support Page (big families)
for America's Love affair with God
for "Missing Link" Helping troubled Youth
for "RobtShepherd's" A Reason for Living

for "Nelson Mandela" Sing the beloved country
for "CorneliusGillick's" Meeting Jesus Christ
for "Dark Sorrow" Gorgeous Page [thanks Liz]
for a big family ONLINE Resource Site
for "Midnight Rain" You gotta have Hope
for "hero's Quest" a boy's yearning
for "Picture Page" Shepherd kids, 1983

Return to Debbie Memorial

VISITS since 10/25/98

To parents
Truly God's word is true when it says that He will give us the desires of our
hearts when we trust and obey. As we show our love for Him, we also experience
His Love for us.
(Linda Shepherd)