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New and slightly improved for 1997!
"Take Your Test"
by Jason Knight (jdk10@po.cwru.edu)
to the tune of "Be Our Guest" from "Beauty and the Beast,"
Music by Alan Menken, original lyrics by Howard Ashman

Abbreviation glossary:
        P:  Professor(s)
        S1, S2, S3:  Distinct students
        S:  Students in unison
        TA:  Teaching assistant

P:  Mes cheres tuition-payers, it is with deepest sadism and greatest power
that we welcome you this morning.  And now, we require you to get tense,
let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents - your final!

P:  Take your test
    Take your test
    Are you nervous?  Are you stressed?
    Summer's just around the corner now
    We love this time the best
    Physics laws
    English lit.
    Why, you'll never want to quit
    What's the formula for vinyl?
    Don't you love to take a final!
    Classic film
    Modern dance
    All the kings and queens of France
    You'll be writing with such energy and zest
    Go on and take some blue books
    You'll at least need two books
    Take your test
    Fake your test
    Take your test

    World War I
    World War II
    You'll be chugging Mountain Dew
    As you scram back home to cram
    For your exam, the whole night through
    If you're here
    And you're scared
    Then you're prob'ly unprepared
    Don't tell me about your party
    You should study, Mr. Smarty
    Distant stars
    Shakespeare's plays
    Let us run you through our maze
S1: Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed?
P:  Don't question our regime
    How could you dare blaspheme?
    Now take your test
    (You've B.S.ed,
     But you'd rather say you've "guessed")
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Take your test

    Life's all smiles and smirking
    When the students are not working
    It's a gas without a class to load them down
    Ah, those good old days way back in grade school
    Suddenly they want their cap and gown
    While they've been busy learning
    Curiosity's been burning
    What's it like to have a minute to themselves?
    They won't know 'til after graduation
    They came here so lazy
    Now we're driving them all crazy!

S1: It's a test!
S2: It's a test
P:  We won't ever let you rest!
    And you can't use books or
    classroom notes to help you in your quest
    Ancient worlds
    Complex math
    And we won't withhold our wrath
    Yes, we'll give you quite a beating
    If we catch you while you're cheating
    Chinese art
    Civil E.
    Anesthesiology
S3: Help me please!  I'm having cardiac arrest!
S1: Somebody check his heart!
P:  Then label every part!
    It's on your test
S:  That's our test?
P:  That's your test
S:  What a pest!

TA: Here's a test
    There's a test
    My professor is possessed!
    Have to grade each one of these in just a day
    And I'm hard-pressed!
    Biochem
    Japanese
    All the European seas
    While the deadline still is looming
    I'll keep grading
    I'll keep fuming

P:  Course by course
    One by one
    'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!"
    Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed
    We've done our best to pester
    See you next semester!
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Now, take your test


(C) 1996-1997 by Jason Knight.  This work may be freely distributed in its
whole, unmodified form (both lines of equals signs and everything in
between).  Comments welcome.  Mountain Dew is a brand name of the
Pepsi-Cola Company.
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