Gabfan

GABFAN
A Birthday/ Alternative Funfest, courtesy of the Visitor

A cool wind settled over the woods they walked through, the recently risen sun sparkled off the younger girl’s cherry hair, and a bird sang it’s song, sweetly as one could hope for, and Xena finally decided that now was the time.
"Gabrielle? I’ve got a surprise for you."
Gabrielle stopped and spun towards her tall companion, her green eyes sparkling with giddy hope. "You found my scrolls?!?" She pleadingly squeaked, unfortunately this was the last squeak a certain former-destroyer of nations was hoping to hear.
"Uhh…no. No I didn’t."
"Oh." Hope faded from Gabrielle’s eyes like night from day, her smooth shoulders sagging defeatedly. Xena’s spirits went with them.
"Well, I LOOKED, Gabrielle, but…I’m sorry, that cliff was a vertical drop. And with the river at the bottom…"
"S’okay," the young bard-to-be shrugged, unconvincingly. "I can always rewrite them…eventually."
Xena frowned, a sadder frown than her usual angry one. Her mind flashed back a week earlier to an ambush near a cliffside, and a stray arrow grazing Argo’s saddlebags, and Gabrielle’s many scrolls taking a fatal tumble about a thousand feet closer to Tartarus. Damn it all, she swore, blue eyes casting daggers at the hearts of the Fates, why did that have to happen now? And why do writers have to be so Ares-blasted SENSITIVE?!?
It’s not going to work. It’ll just make her feel worse.
Oh, just shut up and get it over with. What have YOU got to lose?
"Gabrielle…it’s just that…I mean, I know how much your scrolls meant to you, and, well, what with what, um, day it is today and all…"
"What day?" Gabrielle asked Xena, genuinely unknowing, and completely unaware that she was about to be loudly interrupted by a mysterious third party. "What do you…"
"GABRIELLE!!! I don’t BELIEVE it’s really YOU!!!"
"…What?"
Gabrielle and Xena both turned, one curious, the other cautious, and saw a woman all but leaping form the woods nearby, racing towards them with gleeful abandon.
Or rather, racing towards ONE of them.
"Gabrielle!!" She cried, stopping herself a few paces from the object of her attention, as if she didn’t dare get too close. Gabrielle’s eyes widened as she took in the near-worship in the glare of the strange woman before her. Xena’s eyes, on the other hand, narrowed, as she took in a potential enemy. Old habits die hard.
"Uhh…hi." Gabrielle waved meekly, as the woman before her stared and shook in an ever-so-creepy way. "Do…do I know you?"
The woman’s eyes closed at that, and her whole body seemed to shudder, and damned if it didn’t seem like it was the cold that was bothering her. When her eyes opened again, the dreamy glaze in them was matched only by the dreamy tone in her awestruck voice.
"Oh wow…your voice is, like, a MILLION times nicer than I dreamed it would be. It’s SO beautiful, I bet you can sing SO well! MUCH better than you say SHE can. You’re just being modest, I know it!"
Gabrielle and Xena each arched an eyebrow, as the woman just smiled happily on. Xena, already quite tired of this intrusion, decided to take the direct approach.
"Excuse me," she asked, in her ‘you’re wasting my time’ voice,"…but who ARE you?"
The woman glanced up at Xena then, clearly annoyed, disgruntled, miffed and so much more. Then, when she could stand it no longer, she turned her rapt attention back to Gabrielle. "She’s so RUDE!" she finally said again, "…how do you put UP with her, really??"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh my gosh. Oh good golly, oh I’m so sorry, I’m SO sorry! I can’t believe I’m…Oh Gods I’m SO sorry. I can’t believe I haven’t even introduced myself yet, like, I’m being SO totally mean and Xena-ish."
Xena REALLY arched her eyebrow now. Gabrielle actually thought it sounded kind of…funny. "Xena-ish?"
"My name’s Jalaya…I’m Jalaya! Oh wow, I can’t BELIEVE I’m actually introducing myself to THE Gabrielle!!"
"’THE’ Gabrielle?" Xena asked the bard, a smirk forming on her lips. "You mean there’s more than one of you?"
Jalaya ignored Xena’s intrusion, and carried on with her gushing. "I’ve been, like, your BIGGEST fan EVER! Everyone else always wastes their time drooling all over the big, mean, nasty one, but I know better…YOU’RE the one."
"The one?" Gabrielle wondered aloud, stealing a glance at a somewhat concerned Xena before looking again upon the rather excited newcomer, "The one WHAT?"
"The one EVERYTHING!!" Jalaya pronounced with a flourish, spreading her arms to encompass all the Earth and the heavens. Gabrielle was flattered. "I mean, it’s SO obvious you’re the brains of this duo. YOU’RE the one with the wit, and the skill, SHE…" Jalaya paused a moment to cast a mental dagger or two at the warrior princess, who returned the psychic assault with equal relish, "she’s just the muscle. You’re the heart, you’re the spirit…and, wow, you’re even more…I mean, you’re so…"
Before Gabrielle could ask if something was wrong, Jalaya seemed to retreat into herself, drawing a deep breath or twelve, making every visible effort to calm herself. Xena seemed…worried.
"…You’re just so much more incredibly beautiful than I ever could have even believed you were and I mean I’m really completely awestruck and I don’t know how ANYONE could ever even notice the big mean creep while you’re around and I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this and I hope I’m not totally creeping you out and I know this is a lot to ask but would it be okay if I touched it?"
Gabrielle paused a moment before answering, while Jalaya drew a much-needed breath. When she was satisfied her new ‘friend’ was safely replenished with oxygen, she asked the question that Xena was only thinking.
"What’s ‘it’?"
Jalaya giggled sheepishly. "Your staff! It would just mean SO much to me. I promise I won’t scratch it or anything."
"Ummm…sure, I guess. Why not?" Gabrielle, still mildly reeling from the ‘incredibly beautiful’ bit a ways back, only shrugged slightly as she leaned her trusty battlestaff forward and, with a slowly extended and shaking finger, Jalaya reached out and touched it.
"OOOOooooooooo…Ooohhh, WOW! Oh WOW, I don’t believe it this is INCREDIBLE!! YEOW!! EEEEEEE!!!!"
When Gabrielle jerked the staff back it was quite involuntary, merely a reflexed reaction at the sudden cacaphony emitted from Jalaya. She’d heard many an ambush that resounded less chillingly. Xena knew from experience that there was no danger…at least no physical danger. She was, however, finding herself growing ever more nervous by the second despite herself.
"Hey…hey, I like her staff too!" She protested as Jalaya held her staff-blessed fingers lovingly to her face, "…and I was there when she GOT it!" …I don’t know why I just said that, Xena had to finally admit, if only to herself.
"Are you all right?" Gabrielle asked to Jalaya (after casting a curious glance at Xena). "And do you REALLY think I’m…I mean, I try and look my best and all…"
"Could I touch your abs?!?" Jalaya asked without missing a beat, the psychotic gleam in her eye outshining the sun. "I wouldn’t ask but I made a bet with one of the other girls back home, and we’ve all heard SO much about them and all, and I promise I won’t tickle or anything! Just a teeny little touch is all I want!"
"You know, I really don’t know why she should let you, a total stranger, go and touch her midsection!" Xena protested, even as Gabrielle smiled and let a total stranger touch her midsection. And even though Jalaya didn’t tickle (as promised), Gabrielle still giggled just a little bit, and Xena found herself sliding from anxiety into depression.
"WWOOOooooooowwww…" Jalaya shivered, her body trembling with sensations that Gabrielle only had passing familiarity with as she reluctantly eased her hand away from Gab’s tummy, "That was inCREDible! My Goddess, you’re SO hard!"
"Never you mind how hard she is!!"
"Xena, sshhh!" Gabrielle chided her warrior chum, failing entirely to notice how red Xena was turning, as she returned her attention to the happily devoted madwoman before her. "I’ve got to ask…how do you even KNOW about me?"
"KNOW about you? Well, golly, I’ve been a big fan of yours ever since I first heard of you back in Athens, how you saved that village from the Titans. I’ve been following your adventures ever since. But of course, I never dreamed I’d be lucky enough to actually meet you TODAY…"
The bard was curious. "What’s so special about today?"
Xena was all set to answer, but Jalaya beat her to it. "Why…it’s your birthday today…isn’t it?"
"…Yeah…yeah it is. How did you know that?" Gabrielle was genuinely impressed, and Jalaya was all smiles as she eased in a little closer to divulge her secrets, in stark contrast to Xena’s palette of frowns.
"I AM your biggest fan…I’m, like, a Gabfan! And what kinda Gabfan would I be if I didn’t know your special day??"
Whispering as subtly as she could manage, Gabrielle replied: "You know, even Xena forgot?"
And although Xena wanted desperately to shout out "I did not!!", she remained silent and bowed her head, in that quiet way she often did when she was sadder than she wanted people to notice.
Jalaya made as sympathetic a hand gesture as she could towards Gabrielle (without actually touching her, because that would be far to presumptuous), and in as sympathetic a tone of voice as she could manage, she said "Oh gosh, that’s so rough! My sweetie never forgets of course, but still, I can imagine what it’s like having your partner forget the important things like that. Still, she’ll learn…"
Gabrielle giggled slightly. "Well, thanks, but…of course, Xena’s not my partner like THAT. I mean, obviously she couldn’t be, but…"
"You mean you two aren’t…? Oh, I’m sorry!" Jalaya flushed, a little embarrassed and mildly confused, a symptom she now shared with Xena and Gabrielle. "It’s just that after reading your scrolls, it seemed like, you know…"
Xena cast a wide eyed (and nervous) glance towards Gabrielle, who was ever more stammering. "But I never…! You must be mistaking me for some other writer, I never wrote anything like…like THAT. Maybe you’re thinking of Sappho?"
Jalaya waved Gabrielle’s earnest protestations off with a wink and a wave. "Well, of course the main text was just about your adventures and stuff. I’m talking about the ‘sub’-text, y’know, reading between the lines. I could have sworn I saw a pretty obvious attraction there, like I have for my sweetie, but if I was reading too much into it…"
Gabrielle suddenly interrupted, ignoring much of what Jalaya was still saying, as well as the fact that Xena was now shaking visibly and staring in near-panic at Gabrielle. "Wait a minute. What do you mean you read my scrolls? I’ve never lent anyone my scrolls, and I lost most of them a few days…"
"OMIGOSH!! I almost forgot, I was so starstuck!! Gods, I am such an Aphrodite sometimes!!" Jalaya smiled a goofy grin and smacked herself playfully on the forehead for her forgetfulness, then turned and rummaged through her handbag for a moment or two. When she returned her attention to Gabrielle, she was holding a very familiar-looking bundle of parchments.
"See, I had heard you were in the area, and I tried to follow you to, I don’t know, say hello or get an autograph or something, but I took a wrong turn and ended up at the BOTTOM of the cliffside instead of the top! Stupid, right? But then I found these, and when I looked at them I found out they were YOURS, and my gosh I almost fainted, I mean, what were the odds, right?? So I figured that you or Xena or someone must have dropped them cause of course no one would ever INTENTIONALLY leave anything as incredible or remarkable or beautifully well written as these behind so I thought I had better try and find you and give them back to you. Kind of like a birthday present as it turns out, even though I didn’t have to pay for them or anything, but still it IS kind of a present, in a way. So, umm, happy birthday!"
Gabrielle hadn’t heard a word of all this, though she did patiently wait for a verbal opening to scream "My SCROLLS!!" at the top of her lungs. Xena hadn’t listened to much of it either, her mind was still chewing over the ‘pretty obvious attraction’ comment from earlier on. Though she heard enough to know that she had pretty effectively been showed up today. Which made her a darn sight glummer than she liked.

It was another ten minutes before Xena and Gabrielle were alone again. After gushing her considerable thanks on Jalaya for the recovery of the scrolls, Gabrielle let Jalaya keep one of her choosing as reward (personalized and autographed, natch). It took lots of painstaking deliberation on her part, but Jalaya finally settled on the Bacchae scroll, which for some reason didn’t surprise Xena very much. Though both were taken somewhat aback when Jalaya’s ‘sweetie’ arrived to collect her, a ravishing woman in wolf skins. But they all had other things to ponder by then, and they said their goodbyes.

"Can you believe this, Xena?" Gabrielle was practically hopping alongside Argo, cradling her scrolls like a child. Xena smiled contentedly, though inside she was confused and depressed on a few different levels. "On my BIRTHDAY, too! It’s just too amazing. We’re staying at LEAST fifty paces away from any long drops from now on."
"Deal. Just let me know when you want me to put them away."
"Xena," Gabrielle chided, "I THINK I can put scrolls in a saddlebag all by myself." And with that, the bard hopped around to the other side of Argo and started to stash her precious cargo once again, and once again Xena felt nervous.
"No, Gabrielle, I can do it for you!"
Gabrielle continued however, and quite happily. "Don’t WORRY, Xena. I’m not going to lose them again THIS quick…"
The bard stopped suddenly, and the warrior dropped her eyes and instantly felt like an embarrassed little schoolchild. Only she can make me feel this way, she silently muttered.
"Xena…? What…what’s this?" Gabrielle asked, and held up a carefully wrapped package, consisting of several scrolls from the finest papery in Athens, quill pens hand-crafted from the feathers of royal peacocks, several inks of various colours, each imported from Sumeria, and a slender leather pouch to carry them all, easily slung around shoulder or waist. Gabrielle stared at them as any aspiring writer would, with a healthy degree of awe. Xena didn’t see that, staring red-faced at the ground as she was. Instead, she made a feeble attempt at speech.
"I just thought…you had lost your scrolls, so…it just seemed like a nice gesture, if you were going to have to rewrite all that. I mean, obviously it’s silly now, you’ve got your scrolls back and this is just…"
"It’s beautiful." The bard interrupted, a shiny tear brimming in each eye, "it’s absolutely beautiful. You remembered. You remembered, why didn’t you say something?"
Xena reluctantly edged her vision upwards as Gabrielle rounded Argo and walked slowly up towards her. "You had your scrolls back, that’s much more important than any silly gift I might have…"
Gabrielle dropped her scrolls on the ground as she faced Xena, and put a hand up to her cheek. "YOU’RE important. My scrolls are just that…words on paper. You’re what I write about, you’re where the words come from. You’re my inspiration, Xena. You mean more than any scrolls…maybe you mean more than…than even I’ve realized. After all…"
Xena let a nervous smile cross her face as she looked into her bards’ eyes. "’Subtext’, huh?"
Gab smiled back. "’Subtext’. Maybe we should…make camp early today. Maybe we should talk about…things."
"I’d like that. But first things first…" Without breaking eye contact, Xena reached her powerful arm over Argo, and snagged the aforementioned package of papers and quills, and presented them to Gabrielle, who accepted them with a very happy bit of crying.
"Happy birthday, Gabrielle."
"Thank you," the bard finally managed to force her words out, choked on emotion as they were, "You know, sometimes you really manage to surprise me, Xena."
The warrior princess just smiled that sly smile of hers and answered, "What can I say? I’m the biggest gabfan of them all."

CURTAIN

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