Lying to Myself

Man... I wrote this one shortly after I returned from England two summers ago. I remember crying as I wrote it. During that time - it seemed as though I should be over my father's heart attack, but the truth of the matter was that I wasn't. And to tell you the truth? I believe I still am not over it. There's parts that haven't been dealt with- but I would rather not go there, so I don't deal with it. It's a fearful thing.. never knowing what's ahead of me or my family. You really never know... But so Josh and I ended up making a song to it on guitar - which is really cool. Every now and then when he's over, we'll sing it together - and it's nice to do so every now and then, because it's a way of release for me when I don't think I need one.

Fallen
And I can't quite regain my step.
Broken
But I continue on.
Emotional
Although I'd never let you know
Let you know
That I need you
I still need you.

Silence is better
Than words I can't erase
But I'm fearful, so fearful
Of what lies ahead.

Bitter, so bitter
Of the thoughts in my head
Angry, so angry
At what they all said.

But I'm still on my knees
Trembling
Shuddering
Wondering
Crying
Holding onto myself
Holding myself up.

I'm lying to myself
Fooling myself
I'm lying to myself
Why am I?

Crawling
Up into your lap
Letting you
Hold me.
God... I need you.

Silence is better
Than words I can't erase
But I know, I know
That when I see your face
It won't matter, it won't matter
'Cause I'll be in your embrace.

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