I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Robert Bloch

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
Robert Byrne

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller

Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
Harold Hulbert

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.
Mel Lazarus

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant-and let the air out of their tires.
Dorothy Parker

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a $400 swing set as it does out of finding a small green worm.
Bill Vaughan

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories.
John Wilmot

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O"Rourke