25 Excuses For Getting Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle

1. I was just waiting for the mighty 386 computer you gave me to finish compiling the data on the work efficiency project.

2. It's okay...I'm still billing the client

3. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

4. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

5. I was working smarter, not harder.

6. I wasn't sleeping!  I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

7. I'm in the management training program

8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper

9. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !

10. Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.

11. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!

12. I'm increasing everyone else's productivity by reducing my oxygen consumption.

13. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance

14. I was up all night tracking down hackers that were trying to  break into our system.  Luckily I was able to hold them off!

15. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.  Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?

16. Testing my cubicles sleeping conditions satisfies ISO-9000 norms.

17. Quickly say "Amen" and explain that you were just praying for the wisdom to "work smarter, not harder"

18. Me, snoring? No, that was my floppy drive!

19. If I sleep in my cubicle, I can spend more time in the office because I don't have to sleep at home.

20. Statistics prove that people who take a short nap after lunch get more accomplished than people who don't.

21. I got wrapped up with my project last night and haven't gone home yet, I must have dozed off.

22. Recent developments in computer monitor design allow me to project information directly onto my eyelids.

23. I was just testing my eyelids for holes.  So far I haven't  found any, but I must  keep looking!

24. Darn!  Why did you interrupt me?  I had almost figured out a solution to our  biggest problem.

25. Hypnotized by my screen saver.

Dear Staff,

In an effort to maximize productivity in our department I will be implementing a tool used in many industries. You will be tracking your time working on certain activities and sending me a time sheet weekly showing me how your time has been spent.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a job code list based on some observations of employee activities. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let me know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you. Your boss.

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Code Number Explanation

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5316 - Useless Meeting
5317 - Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 - Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in a Meeting
5319 - Waiting for Break
5320 - Waiting for Lunch
5321 - Waiting for End of Day
5322 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker
5323 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker While Co-worker is Not Present
5393 - Covering for Incompetence of Co-worker Friend
5394 - Blaming Incompetence of Co-worker Who is Not a Friend
5400 - Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 - Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is Stupid
5402 - Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who Hates You
5481 - Buying Snack
5482 - Eating Snack
5500 - Filling Out Time sheet
5501 - Inventing Time sheet Entries
5502 - Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 - Scratching Yourself
5504 - Sleeping
5510 - Feeling Bored
5600 - Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 - Complaining About Low Pay
5602 - Complaining About Long Hours
5603 - Complaining About Co-worker (See Codes 5322 & 5323)
5604 - Complaining About Boss
5605 - Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 - Not Actually Present At Job
5702 - Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 - Ordering Out
6103 - Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 - Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 - Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 - Stealing Company Goods
6202 - Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Files
6203 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 - Hiding from Boss
6206 - Gossip
6207 - Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 - Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 - Updating Resume
6212 - Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 - Out of Office on Interview
6221 - Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 - Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 - Pretending You Like Co-worker
6224 - Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 - Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 - Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code 6603)
6602 - Complaining
6603 - Writing a Book on Company Time 6611 - Staring Into Space
6612 - Staring At Computer Screen
6615 - Transcendental Meditation
7281 - Extended Visit to the Bathroom (over 10 minutes)
7400 - Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 - Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 - Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 - Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 - Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 - Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 - Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 - Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professionals on Phone
7931 - Asking Co-worker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 - Recreational Drug Use
8001 - Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 - Liquid Lunch
8101 - Surfing Vacation Sites on the Internet
8102 - Surfing Porn Sites on the Internet
8103 - Surfing Humour Sites on the Internet
8200 - Reading e-mail
8201 - Distributing humorous e-mails

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison you get time off for good behaviour.>
At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends on the phone.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are OCCASIONALLY wardens who are sadistic.
At work we ALWAYS have managers.