CHRISTIAN JOKES

TALKING TO GOD

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"

"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous... can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

HOPE

Topic(s): Hope; Marriage; Attraction; Men and Women
Text(s): Job 6:8; Psalm 25:5; Psalm 119:114; Proverbs 13:12; Romans 5:5

A man in his middle years was on a Awani Dream cruise. On the first day out he noticed an attractive woman about his age who smiled at him in a friendly way as he passed her on the deck, which pleased him. That night he managed to get seated at the same table with her for dinner. As the conversation developed, he commented that he had seen her on the deck that day and he had appreciated her friendly smile. When she heard this she smiled and commented, "Well, the reason I smiled was that when I saw you I was immediately struck by your strong resemblance to my third husband."

At this he perked up his ears and said, "Oh, how many times have you been married?"

She looked down at her plate, smiled demurely, and answered, "Twice."

NELSON MANDELA

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling: "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him,"Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Get lost!." and shuts the door in the Chinese man's face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, get lost!! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" then slams the door in the Chinese man's face again.

The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little Chinese man thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!".
Behind him are TWO large trucks full of wingmirrors. Nelson loses his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Maindealer?"

THANKS FOR VISITING! GOD BLESS YOU!

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