Busters In Black - Paul Rudoff
As if you hadn’t guessed from the title, this is a Ghostbusters/Men In Black crossover script. The GBs hunt
down a ghost in a chocolate factory, the MIBs show up and reveal it to be an alien, together they trap it and
the MIBs wipe the GBs memory. Yawn. the plot is desperately unoriginal, and the attempts at humour are
feeble. This type of thing was done better in an EGB episode (I forget which) which guested a couple of
MIB substitutes. [1.5/5]
RGB Fic - Dana (AKA Fier)
When you choose fanfics to download, one of the most of putting things is a fanfic with no title. I mean,
can’t the author be bothered to just think up a word or two to slap on the top of their story? That’s why I
was pleasantly surprised at this fanfic. Sure, it’s not amazing, but as a little “character’s thoughts” story it’s
pretty good. Egon, wondering why he became a ghostbuster, receives a letter in the post that makes it all
worth while. The writing is pretty good, though the appearance of Slimer and his “baby talk” made me
cringe. Not bad. [3.5/5]
Jail Break - “Ecto Ed” Quiggle
This is a prime example of “tell don’t show”. A villain escapes from prison and attempts to summon a
demon. The Ghostbusters, of course, thwart him. That’s about it. The writing is extremely simplistic, and it
reads more like a bad synopsis than an actual piece of fiction. [1/5]
King Of The Road - Scott Wasner
Forget character building; this story hops straight into the action, and is probably better for it. With a plot
worthy of the show (demon trucks) and some sparkling dialogue, this is fun with a capital F. It’s not perfect,
but for sheer entertainment, this is worth reading. [3.5/5]
Namazu The Great - “Ecto Ed” Quiggle
Based on an ancient Japanese legend (or a made-up Japanese legend, if I’m wrong) the Ghostbusters take on
a giant earthquake-causing catfish. Starting with some bad writing in the “let’s get the heroes to the
adventure” genre, and ending with some bad writing in the “let’s get this over with” genre, the middle is
little more than a jump in logic that would make Fox Mulder applaud. This is made even more obvious by
the clumsy technical side - especially the rolled together paragraphs. One to miss. [1/5]
Time - Osprey 5373
Technically, this script is deficient. It would be nice to see a little more punctuation, and a few capital letters
strewn around the place, but instead we are treated to dull lines of letters without any breaks. Story wise,
this story is, well, baffling. The plot revolves around the pairing off of the Extreme Ghostbusters, (but misses
the superb comedy potential) and is thrown together in a similar manner to a cheap restaurant’s end of
season stew. We have a future-ghost, (who is instantly recognised by Egon) who seems to be having a lot of
fun, Loki style, except he appears po-faced. We also have an ending that I could not make head nor tail of
(is it a reference to an episode? or an in-joke?). Unless you’re *really* into dodgy romance, skip this one.
[1.5/5]
Fairytale - An Untrue Story - CP
If you’ve seen the excellent “Atomic Shakespeare” episode of Moonlighting, then you’ll know roughly what
this story is like - and you’ll know what this story *could* have been. The Extreme Ghostbusters characters
have been lifted from their normal “lives” and placed in a fairytale setting, where they can comment on
themes and currents in their series without any repercussions. Where we should have been presented with
some rip roaring gags, the story is only faintly amusing (although the main nasty has an excellent name).
There are a few nice touches, but this isn’t really much cop. [2/5]
To Hell And Back - Dr WAV
In almost all fandoms, there is a general sense of “I was rooting for you two kids to get together”. Some
times this is fuelled by the writers of a show. Take Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship, for example. Other
times there is something electric between the characters, but it is more friendship than lust. And there are
also relationships that are seen in shows by avid viewers, yet don’t actually exist, and this is where *I* think
the Eduardo-Kylie romance comes in. EGB fans have concocted a perfect cocoon around these two
characters, who stand in the centre of it and look bemused. This story is partly an embodiment of this
cocoon, and partly a gentle lampoon of it. Eduardo and Kylie “get it together” while waiting for Satan to
destroy the city, and all the while they are being watched and nudged in the right direction by an audience of
rabid dimension travelling fans. The script doesn’t really address the arrival of Satan - He’s just Macguffin to
get the kids together. We are presented with some good reality twisting one liners, and Slimer’s appearance
is mercifully short, but the whole thing is, well, rather dull. Not much happens. I’m not spoiling anything by
saying that Satan appears, is trounced with yet more modified ghostbusting equipment, and they all live
happily ever after. Still, it is rather funny. [3/5]
Untitled GBFF Fan Fic - Ica
This fan fic is pretty average. Some kind of spirit (we never find out what it is - these ‘busters are a ‘blast
first, don’t ask questions later’ team) possesses stone statues for no apparent reason. In the middle of this
we get another cornball story about how Eduardo and Kylie finally admit their “feelings” for one another.
Far more entertaining is the real life soap about Ica’s brother, as revealed in the dedication and the
afterword. [2.5/5]
Ica’s 2nd Fan Fic - Ica
Since the Ghostbusters are always so busy, how come there are only four of them on the planet? Why aren’t
there branches in every country? Already they’ve jetted off to Japan, and now they are bound for England in
a story based on one of E A Poe’s works. The way this continuation of a classic gothic tale of horror is dealt
with is reminiscent of some of the episodes of the Real Ghostbusters, but other than that, this EGB fanfic
disappoints. Eduardo and Kylie’s relationship has led to them becoming thoroughly unlikable characters, and
the rest of the cast make little more than cameo appearances. The villain of the piece is bizarre to say the
least, and when his little scheme gets into place we are left wondering exactly why the GBs were called out
to England in the first place. More than a handful of spelling mistakes doesn’t really help what is a forced
and heartless story. [2/5]
Slime and Punishment - Crispin Tobey
Remember the pink slime from Ghostbusters 2? The author of this fanfic does - and in this story it’s back
with a vengeance. We are told that slime is a physical manifestation of bad feelings, so it makes a lot of sense
that slime would build up in a prison. There are several nice touches in this story, such as Garret recalling the
toilet being blocked up by slime at the time of the second movie, and thankfully the Eduardo and Kylie
situation is played down to a school yard style banter - for the first half of the story at least. After the main
scene (the whole script is based around one action sequence), the author relents, and we get the slushies,
complete with a nauseating appearance from Slimer. Up until then it was pretty good. [3/5]
Smile For The Proton Gun - Crispin Tobey
This is the scariest thing I’ve read in ages. There are spelling mistakes all over the place, bizarre occurrences
of capital letters appearing for no Reason right in the middle of sentences, and an invasion of phonetical
aberrations (their/there/they’re - here/hear, u no wot eye meen) . . . The plot? Actually, that doesn’t help.
We are treated to a disclaimer warning us that sometimes the plot moves slowly, but even the “action”
sequences come across as dull. When the city is threatened by legions of self replicating ghosts, we the
reader should be left with the impression that the city *has* been threatened when the story is over, not that
the EGBs spent the whole script either raiding the fridge or travelling around the city, as is the case here. On
the plus side, the author dips into the well of GB lore (Ecto 2 and some items from the toy range make an
appearance, as do Winston, Louis and Janine’s GB overalls) to good effect, the Eduardo/Kylie thang is
much truer to the series, and there are some in-jokes that may appeal to some (although they seemed to be a
little hammered home to me). Actually, there is something hugely scary about this fanfic - the author’s
spooktacularly moody photograph that adorns the top of the page! (just joshing, Crispin! <g>) [2.5/5]
Six Letters - Jacob Milnestein
A word of warning to EGB fans - although it’s safe to say that EGB was a much darker series than its
predecessor, compared to this it’s a neon light. If you like your fanfic fluffy and light, it’s probably for the
best if you give this one a miss.
Right, now that all the care bears and sugar puffs are gone I can delve into what is a promising start to a series. This is rather contraversial, and reads like a cross between Dark Skies and Garth Ennis’s Preacher. Certainly it’s an inspired EGB fanfiction, with a brooding sense of impending doom that begins in the very first innocolous paragraph. Before too long, Christ (who starts off by saying that he’s an atheist - great!) is introduced, and soon after killed. But this story does have a few problems. First, the puntuation in the diction is all wrong - not too bad, you may think, but it soon begins to grate on the eyes. Second, rather than reading like a piece of prose, it seems more like a piece of poetry. Unfortunately, while it may add bags of atmosphere, I think that this is an unintentional side effect of some overly harsh editing. Chracters leap from place to place with a regularity that left me going “Huh?” like a second rate anime character. Still a long way to go before it is anywhere near as good as Lovecraft. [3.5/5]
The Aquarium - Jacob Milnestein
Things start to click together in the second (third?) part of this impressive horrorscape. This time we are
given some dimension travelling Clive Barker-eque ancient gods, and some handy obvious arc plotting
(yay!). For EGB fans who can stomach what Jac has done to their favourite show, there is a
“filling-in-the-gaps” of the interim between the show and this series of fanfics. A clever move is Kylie’s
pregnancy, something that would never appear in a million years in all the so-called romantic fanfics out
there. And The Cirkus is probably the most impressive GB villain since The Sandman (his voice!
<shudder>). [4/5]
The Doubt Of Gods - Jacob Milnestein
Okay, I think I’ve got it all figured out. If Neil Gaiman (Hi Neil!) and Clive Barker settled down to produce
a cross between “Quatermass and The Pit” and “Dark Skies”, they might . . . nah, that’s no good. This six
parter takes so many twists, turns, and styles from all across the board that at the moment it resembles
multi-genred RPG “Rifts”, and is in danger of becoming non-genred RPG “Gurps”. In this instalment the
destruction and subsequent resurrection of an orbital satellite is set perfectly against Kylie’s abortive birth,
and Shakespearean stand-bys Titania and Oberon comment on the proceedings. While the more
closed-minded of EGB fans are likely to hate this, there is some good characterisation within. Pick of the
bunch is Garret’s self beating (which plays true to the series by not mentioning his disability), though all four
EGBs get a fair crack of the whip, and whatever Roland’s up to, he’s already more interesting in this story
than he is in the series. Great, and hotting up. [4.5/5]
As Heaven Is Wide - Jacob Milnestein
After the greatness of the last story, this one is a disappointment. See, nothing much happens. As opposed to
the previous interweaving of intricate plotlines, this contains nothing but thoughts for half a story, and then
only Eduardo *does* anything. Sure, we get angels, zombies and UFOs, but for the moment, the black
magic is on hold. Obligatory influences for this instalment: Micheal Flatly and Doctor Who (don’t think I
don’t know where he gets his names from; I know everything. Hahahahah!). Lots of lost points for Jac’s bad
taste in music! <g>. [3.5/5]
God Loves His Children - Jacob Milnestein
Sorry, but ALL THAT FOR THIS?! Okay, it’s not a *bad* finale (and not the *end* end, at that) but when
all is said and done, this story isn’t exactly a hive (excuse the pun) of invention after all the others. The
mythic overtones are removed in this story, and what it all boils down to is Duke Nukem, pure and simple.
Okay, so it may be one of those custom levels floating around the InterWeb, with HR Geiger doing the
graphics, but after the build up I expected something a little more original. Still, the writing is as good as
ever, but despite Eduardo’s heroic final stand, this is B-grade plotting in an A-Grade sheep’s fleece. [3.5/5]
Epilogue - Jacob Milnestein
“Well, that’s that,” he said, and leaned back on his wonderful spinny chair. He ran a hand through the shock
of greasy goth hair that he had started to grow after reading the first six issues of Neil Gaiman’s ‘Sandman’.
“What now?”
He sat and thought for a while, letting the residue of his gothic prose drain from his cerebellum. Then, with a little cry of pleasure he sat bolt upright, one finger held aloft, pointing to the light bulb that had surely manifested itself above his head. “I know,” he exclaimed. “A party . . . and *everyone’s* invited!” The word ‘everyone’ was accompanied by an all encircling motion of his arms.
He *had* wondered what to do when his epic story (some ingredients were a little past their sell by dates, he had to admit, but hopefully the readers wouldn’t notice *that*) was complete, but now the answer was so simple it was as if it were inscribed in neon tube lighting on the wall next to him. In fact, it was. Jacob frowned at this. “When was *that* put there?” he wondered aloud. No matter; he would investigate that later. Right now, there was writing to be done!
He flexed his fingers and smiled as the knuckles popped once more. Then the fingers flew across the keyboard in front of him at lightning speed. On the monitor, John Constantine, John Lennon - even the man often falsely referred to as Doctor Who joined the festivities. And hey! Let’s turn this a bit millingfic; Doreen and Nora can join in the fun!
Jac’s fingers stopped typing mid clatter. “Millingfic?” he muttered. “What the hell is that?” He shook his head and shrugged before returning to ‘Epilogue’, the end of his Extreme Ghostbusters storyline. You’ve been working too hard, Jac. Either that, or those death threats from angry EGBers are starting to get through to you.
Eventually, the story was finished, saved, and tucked away, ready to be posted on the Fan Forum in the morning. He powered down the computer and relaxed, gently twisting the spinny chair from side to side. “What now? After all that brooding, I’m in the mood for something cute and cuddly; something warm and fuzzy.”
Languidly he raised his wrist and looked at the digital watch that resided there. His eyes widened in terror as he saw the time. “Cripes!” he yelled. “I’m missing Ally McBeal!”
Within a second the room was deserted; the only sign that Jacob had been in the room at all was the spinny chair, which span with gay abandon for a while, but slowly, slowly ran down until it stopped spinning altogether.
“Hey!” yelled Jac from off-screen. “I didn’t give you permission to use me in a story, you reviewing freak!”
Actually, I rather liked this. And yes, I know that “spinny chair” is not the correct term. It’s “turny chair”. [4/5]
Resurrection #7 - Jacob Milnestein
The epic subplot in the epic Vietnamese Wallflowers storyline continues! At this stage in the proceedings, it’s
tempting to say “more of the same”. Basically, if you don’t like the series by now, there isn’t anything here
that is going to change your mind. Jac’s prose is as dark as ever, with ‘pale white’ this, ‘gleaming black’ that
and ‘putrid gooey’ the other. Instead of a cohesive plot, we are given some scenes that make sense in a jigsaw
puzzle hammer-the-edges kind of way. Some more background on Roland is given, and a fantastic take on
faerieland (on the Internet, no less) is presented. Blisteringly written, and it’s not all doom and gloom either -
the title is a joke that had me laughing for a while, let me tell you. [3.5/5]
Daniel 7: 23-26 - Jacob Milnestein
Yet more appoalyptic imagery from the master of mockery in this bizarre fan fiction. By now, you have to
wonder if he really has some kind of story planned out, or if he is making it all up as he goes along. Maybe
some day we’ll look back and say “Oh, so *that’s* what all that was about.” If you like deconstructing every
single nuance in a story, then this is definitely a series you should read. If you prefer your fan fictions to have
the plot spelled out to you in mile high letters, then you should avoid it. I myself enjoy these nonsensical word
puzzles, because I’m pretty sure that one day there will be some enormous pay off. Anyway, the writing is still
great, it’s just that the story is a little obscure. I’d ask for a few more hints about what’s going on to be
inserted here and there, but if I did, then Jac would make the next chapter even denser just to spite me. By the
way, this series would make a fantastic comic. [3/5]
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