The Apprentice - Robert N Sago
There are some people who’d say that Millennium’s Frank Black is so two dimensional, he disappears from
view when he turns sideways. Well, this fanfic is not going to change those peoples minds. In fact, none of
the “characters” in the story are any more than automatons that appear, mutter their lines, and retreat into
the shadows. The story (some of Frank’s past adversaries blackmail a recruit into helping them) is as dull as
dishwater. Frank’s “gift” is reduced to “The killer’s a man/woman”, in fact the deductive work of the series -
or any police series - has gone on holiday. The villain of the piece (“British” accent, called Mr Warner - is
this meant to be actor David Warner?) goes to great extents to mess with Frank’s mind, for seemingly no
reason whatsoever. There are a couple of crossover in jokes for X-Files fans, but don’t take that as a
recommendation. [1.5/5]
Abyss - Duane Pete Olds
This story starts off with a blatant biological falsehood and the featured police force are little more than
dummies waiting for Frank Black to come and solve their crimes. So useless are they, they make the
Springfield PD look like the cops from Hill Street. I mean, if you have five similar murder cases, and you
look at the bodies and see that they all bear exactly the same tattoo, when Frank points this out are you
*really* going to say “Are you trying to tell me that these murders are related?” Well, one of the cops in this
story does. The writing is pretty bad, the plot is worse (ooh a killer cult. And we only got rid of one last
Tuesday) and there are so many stupid statements (Jordan has posters of boys on her wall? The police let a
bunch of murderers run around for no reason? Frank promises the killer isn’t in the loose while he’s looking
for him? You *what*?!) that you’re not going to want to finish this story at all. Feel lucky. I *had* to.
[1.5/5]
Alias Grapes AKA If Margeret Atwood Wrote Fanfic . . . - Shiver
This isn’t very funny, though it is meant to be; I blame Margaret Atwood, as her novels are humourless and
as this fanfic is trying to imitate her style: I say it succeeded. I think I’ll go and play marbles, now. [2/5]
And Then There Was One - Karl Horberg
This story has a good idea (murders being committed by people who commit suicide soon after) marred by a
terrible explanation (not another evil hypnotist!). The writing is dense and confusing, because punctuation is
mysteriously absent. The frequent spelling mistakes occur in the simplest of words (“probaly”) and the whole
“moving from place to place” feel is rather comical, in a Benny Hill kind of way. Oh, and didn’t I see the
guest star in the X-Files episode “Beyond The Sea”? [2/5]
Art of Darkness AKA: If Joseph Conrad Wrote Fanfic . . . - Shiver
Well, I haven’t read any Conrad, so I’m probably missing the main joke, but who cares: this is funny stuff.
The “brooding” running joke is just on the right side of annoying, the jokes at Millennium’s excuse are rather
good, and the “Who are you shooting at?” gag is a killer. [4/5]
Black And White - Stefan-Paul Wegzyn
This has potential. Three murderers die in a supernatural bus accident; a mysterious woman with psychic
powers leads tow the death of three people . . . and then it’s over. No “to be continued” no “part one in a
series of three”: this is all you get. It’s a shame, because what’s featured here is by turns disturbing and
humourous, and has a great cast of characters. But as a stand alone story it sucks. [2.5/5]
The Empire Strikes Out AKA: If George Lucas Wrote Fanfic . . . - Shiver
The only thing in this script that makes sense is the credit to IRC. Only IRC could have spawned something
as insane as all this. It’s very funny, but don’t try to understand what is going on, because it will make your
brain hurt. [3.5/5]
Frank Plays A Game Of Clue/Cluedo With His Family - Shea Bennett
The rather unwieldy title says it all. Bonus marks for being British but still catering to our trans-Atlantic
cousins (why can Americans *never* do that?); loses marks for the missed line “You wait until you play
hangman with him!”. Short, and very funny. [4/5]
Drinking Buddies - M Stephen Lukac
I’m not going to give this story a [5/5], and I’d hate for people to think that this is because of the overlong
ellipses; it’s not. Why don’t I give it a [5/5], then? Well, there is something in the portrayal of Frank that
bugs me. I *think* it’s the thought patterns; at parts of the story he seems glum; at others he seems haunted,
and I think that this slight inconsistency is the factor that dims what is otherwise an excellent story.
Certainly, Frank’s “drinking buddy” is more than a match for him in conversation, and is wonderfully
presented. And the ending is marvellous. Maybe all it needs is a bit of a shine. [4.5/5]
Golgotha - Brian A Dixon
This story starts with a blisteringly good teaser, which eventually leads to Frank and a number of Millennium
group members awaiting death in the desert. An excuse for some character interaction, right? Wrong,
because this is where the plot freezes. Instead of expanding the characters involve, most who seem little
more than cardboard cutouts, we get Frank having some visions and another member trying to find out what
has happened to him and the others (a superfluous plot thread that is never wrapped up). Frank’s reaction to
the situation is good, though; he transposes his fatherhood feelings towards his daughter onto his fellow
quarries, resulting in an emotional ending. The writing is superb, and gripping throughout, and there are a
few tantalising moments of arc plotting, but this is undermined by the aforementioned hollowness and an
absurd solution to the plot. Well worth reading, but it could have been much more. [4/5]
The Little Evils - Randy Barnhart
When Frank witnesses the murder of a neighbour’s cat, he starts to consider the true meaning of evil. Where
this scenario gives itself so readily to a parody, the actual fanfic is unrelentingly serious. Frank suffers
convincing torment when all the people around him refuse to recognise this event as a crime. Even the old
cliché of “the cop who hates the feds” fits in well, and the end of the plot is dully horrifying. The writing is
pretty good, but not quite good enough to give it an edge. [4/5]
Behind Our Eyes - Karl Horberg
Wow! What was all *that* about? After starting with a scientist’s nightmare of a rain storm (atoms(!) of
water, composed of drops of hydrogen and oxygen mixed together), this story starts to become an
investigation of a churchyard where people have been mysteriously dying for years, leading back to the start
of the Millennium Group. And then the author says “To Hell with it!” and starts tripping out, because the
rest of the story makes *no* sense whatsoever. Frank and Peter start having bizarre dreams; two demonic
agents appear and disappear; the spelling goes mad; and the ending in which Frank relates a biblical tale
seems to bear no relation to what has gone before. Sure, maybe this is too highbrow for me - if it is, then it is
far beyond Twin Peaks and The Kingdom, both of which I have enjoyed and understood. Unfortunately, the
surrealness of the piece means this isn’t a good read. [2/5]
The Bestiary - Robert N Sago
Drawing inspiration from modern scientific ideas about what makes us good or evil, this story is pretty dull,
but is littered with good ideas. The Bestiary of the title only appears for a short amount of time, but makes
the reader wonder about its significance in the world of Millennium. It seems to be a link between
pre-Biblical monsters and the serial killers of the present, something that would place the evils dealt with by
Frank Black *outside* the coming millennium, and that in itself is an intriguing idea. Other parts of the plot
are less satisfactory; for example, the deus ex machina of an ending, and the character of Daniel Sikes. The
writing concentrates on plot points to the point where nothing else exists, and could severely do with some
filling out. It is also frustrating to see Frank and co wander about doing nothing, and occasionally chatting to
the villain of the piece. If Frank is so convinced that this man is evil then why doesn’t he do something about
him? [2/5]
Famished - Brian A Dixon
When a half eaten body is discovered, Bob Bletcher and Frank Black try to hunt a killer that is unlike any
they have encountered so far. And this story is a real treat. The writing is superb (though there are a couple
of moments of inappropriate language and humour) and for once Bob becomes a true character and
sounding board for Frank, and not just the guy that brings Frank into the case. The moments in the Black
household are well written, and contrast nicely with the horror of the outside world. I especially liked the
visions of the killer, and the way they tied into the ending. The only real disappointment was Frank’s
breakdown, which in my opinion seemed a little superfluous. Heartily recommended. [4.5/5]
Horsemen - Matt Asendorf
The old multiple personality chestnut takes centre stage in this fan fiction, with Frank Black up against a
schizophrenic who’s personalities reflect the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Hey, it’s a hoary old theme,
and one that would have cropped up in Millennium sooner or later - but does it work? Well, yes and no. On
one hand we have a tense narrative with some genuinely chilling moments as the victims are offed by an
unseen killer; on the other hand, there are some equally stupid moments eg. the police not checking the
basement or attic of the killer’s house at the end. The writing is, for the most part, competent, but
occasionally it descends into poor as the author seems to have to warm up his literary skills once in a while.
Thankfully, the theme dealt with rather well, but it could have been better. [3/5]
Inheritance - Catherine Leamy
After I finished reading this story, before I started writing this review, I had a quick search through my hard
drive. You see, when I first started writing these Millennium reviews, I downloaded a job lot of Millennium
stories in ZIP form. I didn’t read them all. I read most of them, but there were a couple which I never got
around to because I had read and reviewed a lot of Millennium fanfics that week, and the remainder were so
long that I feared eye-strain, should I read these as well. After reading ‘Inheritance’, I went back to the
folder which contained these unread fan fictions, and I discovered that one of the stories that had been lying
aroud, zipped and untouched for months, was, infact, ‘Inheritance’. Upon realizing this, I kicked myself for
allowing such a piece of fiction to go unread for any length of time. For this, gentle reader, is as good as it
gets. You may have noticed that I do tend to enthuse over stories that score well, and there is a very good
reason for this - the Internet is a place where anybody can be their own publisher and distribute their work to
a potential audience of millions. I can write ten badly witten lines and call it fan fiction. But this is up there
with Eric Holdridge in the ‘so good it hurts’ top one per cent of all fiction available on the Internet, and
therefore deserves to be enthused over. The plot is rather off the wall, with Frank Black’s grown up
daughter Jordan taking centre stage. She has abandoned a social life in order to serve the Millennium group,
look after her increasingly senile mother, and also has to cope with the shadowy legacy her deceased father
has left her. The main thrust of the narrative concerns a series of murders that are somehow related to Tarot
cards, and along with the customary psychic flashes, we also get to see the murderer profiled in a way that
allows the reader into bothe the mind of Jordan and her quarry. I could try to go through each and every
good point of the story, but Geocities has only given me so much room. I could go through all the bad
points, but that would leave you staring at an empty page. By turns charming, chilling, and always thrilling,
everyone should read this story right *now*. Faultless. [5/5]
Trial Of A Thousand Years - Justin Bielawa
When you think about it, a crossover between Millennium and Buffy The Vampire Slayer is such an obvious
choice for a fan fiction. Even leaving all prophecies and impending millennium malarkey to one side, the
pairing of perky cheerleader fodder Buffy Summers and dour depressive Frank Black is such a good idea
that I’m surprised that there haven’t been a zillion of the damn things written by now. Unfortunately, this
story doesn’t make the most of the situation. Hot on the trail of what appears to be a murderous child, Frank
arrives in Sunnydale and soon hooks up with the band of teens that are all that stands between civilization
and all-round factor eighty. But this isn’t the Frank that we all know and love - this Frank Black tells
(whispers) *jokes*! So, instead of getting a chalk and cheese combo, we get a chalk and a different coloured
chalk combo. Actually, it’s not much of a combo, as Giles hangs around quite a bit as well. But what about
the plot? For the most part of the fanfic we get a basic east meets west crossover, with every little spelling
mistake and phonetical error that can easily be avoided by just glancing at one of the excellent fanfic FAQs
on the InterWeb. But then, scant pages before the end, things hot up in true Millennium style as an FBI
agent turns out to be something quite different . . . And then, things *really* go like the clappers. There are
some niggles (the birth date thing - I mean, come *on*!) and some nice touches (the way some early plot
points are woven in at the end), and plenty of off-hand remarks to keep x-philes (and I know that there are
one or two of you out there) interested, but the end feeling is that it takes too long to start the ball rolling.
[3/5]
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