Social Pariah

by A. Fox

I read Wayne Green's website the other day and something he had written really got me thinking. He said everyone should buy his book called "Secrets to Wisdom", which is basically a book that lists and describes other books, complete with reasons why you should read those books. He says that if you read every book that he mentions in that book, you will be so knowledgeable that people will stop asking you to parties, that you will be so smart that you will become a "Social Pariah". This basically got me to thinking, "Hey, I ALREADY AM A SOCIAL PARIAH!" But, I ordered his book anyway, just to make sure I "firm-up" my position. I will attempt to list the reasons why I am considered a Social Pariah, and give a few examples, taken from normal incidents that honestly did occur during my lifetime thus far.

Top Ten Reasons why I am a Social Pariah: 1. I quote Austin Powers regularly.
2. I have a minor degree in Human Sexuality. My major is in Psychology. (People are so paranoid that I am analyzing them!)
3. I am not a "Christian" per se, but I do think Jesus was a cool Avatar who knew ALL the Secrets to the Universe.
4. I think that Aliens exist and are visiting our planet, and the Government is trying to control the weather.
5. I don't like "Rock N Roll", and absolutely despise "Country" anything, but Alternative Rock and Jazz is way cool
6. I am a hippie --in the 90's. Peace and Love, Baby!
7. I am a closet computer geek (Contact Lenses do wonders)
8. I study --all the time. This includes Time Travel, Quantum Physics & Mechanics, and all Sciences. I also study any and ALL paranormal phenomena, and Metaphysics.
9. I believe that there are alternatives to Democrats and Republicans.
GREEN PARTY, BABY, YEAH!
10. I think that Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot, and I am proud to call Bill Clinton my President!

Now for the examples. Keep in mind that there are three things that one should NEVER discuss in "polite" society: Sex, Religion, and Politics. I tell you this, because perhaps, you can avoid these social tragedies, leading up to my complete "Pariahness".

INCIDENT # 1
When I was in High School, My health teacher had the unfortunate task of discussing and teaching Human Sexuality. She was accustomed to teaching things like volleyball, basketball, and floor hockey. (I was benched for "high sticking" during that class.) Okay, so I admit that it was embarrassing to "label" all of the parts on the cartoon drawing of the male genitalia, however, I still managed to push a little too far… I went to a small high school in the middle of Minnesota farm country. There were 18 people in my class. Three grade levels had to attend this lecture, I am sure, because this teacher did not want to have to repeat herself for another 3 years! She gave us the generic movie, and then said we could all write down an anonymous question regarding Sexuality and put into a shoebox. She handed out the uniform sized pieces of paper and the typical half-pencils without erasers one normally sees when taking SAT tests, going bowling, or when filing a Police complaint in the LAPD district. We were all seated with a huge amount of personal space around us, so our "neighbor" couldn't see our private questions. Everyone in the class asked the usual questions: "What's a Fallopian Tube for?" or "How long does the Sperm take to meet the Egg?" or "If I douche with PEPSI will it prevent a pregnancy?" One by one, EVERY question was answered, no matter how ignorant. Every question that is, EXCEPT mine! Here is my question: "If it is morally wrong to have sexual intercourse before marriage, what about Oral Sex? And, How would one go about actually doing this?" You see, I was genuinely concerned about the state of my immortal soul. I didn't want to go to hell on the one hand, but I was interested in ways to alleviate my teenager hormones on the other! My question was drawn last. The teacher, Mrs. V. reacted thus:

1. Read the question
2. Blushed
3. Crumpled up the paper and put into pants pocket
4. Let class out early
5. Ran out of the room.

Basically, I was jilted out of this simple information. I had to wait one or two more years to find out the answer, but that is another story… INCIDENT # 2

Ok, so the first incident involves Sex. This one involves Religion. I was in the Teen Youth Group at the local "non-denominational" church, which to the watchful eye appears no different than its Lutheran counterparts. We were told that because there was only 8 of us, we have a big enough budget to do just about anything we want to, over the next year, for Teen Activities. We were given little pieces of paper and those familiar tiny half-pencils. We had to put our ideas into a hat. There were typical-for-Minnesota answers:

"Let's have a Christmas Pageant!"
"Why don't we have a Sock Hop?"
"Can we go on a Hayride in the Fall?"
"It'd be neat to have a campfire with roasted marshmallows and S'mores!"

Again, all of these were read aloud, and answered with a resounding note of approval by the Pastor, "Yes, we can do that. It'd be lovely!" Three more answers were drawn that were so non-descript in their boringness, that I cannot even remember them. Until, of course, my suggestion was drawn from the hat. Last, as if this were a theme in my life. The Pastor reacted thus:

1. Read the idea.
2. Got a stern look on his face.
3. Folded paper into 8ths and put into pocket
4. Let Sunday School out early.
5. Left the room in a hurry.

My question was:
" Why don't we go to other churches that practice other religions, and see why they believe what they believe, and how they really differ from us?" Because he never answered my question, I had to wait for several years until I found out my answers regarding other religions. My first year of college was very enlightening…

INCIDENT # 3

(Remember: Sex, Religion and Politics. Do NOT Discuss in "polite" society…)

I worked in a Health Food Store in Santa Barbara. Apparently, my boss didn't like how much I knew regarding vitamins, (he used to sit in the back drinking "organic" beer, and smoking Lord knows what) so he "promoted" me to the position of Manager at his Candy Store! Now, this irony should concern you as much as it did me, but hey, $1.50 more per hour, and I could set my own schedule! Now, it is already a problem that my boss was growing tired of my knowledge, but he grew annoyed that I actually had a brain. And a heart. One day, Instead of showing up to my managerial job selling gummi bears, jaw breakers, and chocolate covered orange flavored jelly sticks, I attended a "Save The Dolphins" campaign. The Santa Barbara New-Press covered this incident while Dolphin Sculptor/Artist William "Bud" Bottoms and the local Chumash Indians sang Native American Chants and threw a large fishing net over the famous "Friendship Fountain", a.k.a. Dolphin Statue on SB's Fisherman's wharf. It was a powerful, tear-jerking sight. I didn't know then that my boss had much stock in the fishing industry (let alone being an acting member in one of the various "mobs". My picture was taken, and plastered all over the local paper. My boss reacted thus:

1. He saw the paper
2. He gave me 3 weeks to find a new job.
3. He fired me.

So, I learned that making money is directly related to staying out of politics! Of course, I don't really give a mouse's booty… I'd rather save a non-human mammal's hide that to eat all the candy I can ingest without getting sick and making $7.50 an hour while doing it! Besides, I had smuggled nearly 20-30 pounds of imported German chocolate to my home. I later handed this out as Christmas gifts. My family thanked me until 30 pounds later…. Ha!
I also learned the non-political lesson later, in fact, several times. (Which means that I am either stubborn, or simply don't care!) I have defended Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Trans-genders, and Transsexuals at the worst possible moments (according to the "politeness experts"). These times have included Family Reunions, and the next to the deathbeds of conservative relatives. Well, jeez! I can't help it, everybody deserves compassion! Come on, if you are a guy that digs wearing dresses, don't you have the right to the "Pursuit of Happiness"? How is there anything wrong with that?

Another example of my Social Pariah-hood is an actual incident that occurred last Thanksgiving (Yes, another family gathering…). My husband and I went to a relative's house for dinner. After the meal (and a glass of wine…), we all retired to the living room. They asked what we have been up to lately. This is a bad question to ask us, because it is very possible we have not been doing anything considered "normal" or "standard" or remotely familiar to what the average person thinks, believes, or knows to be true. My husband told my relative that we have been researching case histories of proven and documented Reincarnation stories. He went on to say how we purchased Ian Stevenson's 2-volume book set, "Reincarnation and Biology". We both took turns telling tales of children who recalled their past lives, and how it was actually proven when Dr. Stevenson went into the history records and found the same names given, and the ways of dying matched the stories the children told. We went on to explain that the physical scars these children had were directly related to past life experiences. If that wasn't shocking enough for my ex-Catholic relative and his ex-Baptist wife, we went on to discuss another book we had been reading based on ancient manuscripts recently found. These manuscripts were documenting the stories of Jesus' life --the stories that didn't make it into the bible. We mentioned that the word bible means "collection", that a group of men called the "Council of Nicea" headed under the Catholic church decided which stories to keep, and which stories to disregard. We also explained that Reincarnation was mentioned by Jesus, but purposely kept out of the bible. My relatives reacted thus:

1. Stared at us, with eyes glazed over.
2. Couldn't speak, as jaws had dropped to the floor.
3. Were so quiet, we could hear a turkey bone drop in the kitchen.
4. Recovered from their fight/flight syndrome, and
5. Changed the subject.

Perhaps, that is why I am a Social Pariah. I don't have many friends. I don't get asked to parties. My family most indubitably thinks twice about inviting me anywhere. I have been called weird, eccentric, and just plain crazy. Oh well, at least I am enjoying life! How many of you can say the same thing?
If you don't, perhaps you should get Wayne Green's book at WayneGreen.com
And you too can become a Social Pariah! (The book is only 5 bucks, such a deal!)
Groovy, Baby!

Back to The Irreverent Hour
Back to the World of 23

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page