FEN19991109.1732
'Twas the Night Before X-Mas - the Fenny version
‘Twas the day after Thanksgiving, There was no holiday cheer, Christmas was a month away, But nobody cared… Oh, the malls were still bustling, With shoppers getting frazzled Money was still flowing, And glitter to bedazzle… But throughout the world, ‘Though it was impossible to believe, People had forgotten why, It was better to give then to receive… Mass marketing, and greed, Envy, capitalism and vanity, Had made quick and short work, Of all morals and sanity… But in spite of all this depravity, There was a boy and a girl, Who still believed that Christmas, Was to give love to the world… At first they went to their parents, Who didn’t even look up, Too busy wrapping presents, That would show their friends up… And their little friends just mocked them, For what was Christmas without gifts, After all what normal little child, Wouldn’t want a bomb making kit? They went to the holy Church, Believing there would be solace to offer, But they were only interested in sins, And more coins for the coffers… Saddened and discouraged, They didn’t know where to turn, Then the boy had the idea, To go where hope always burns! With a compass pointed north, And a backpack of clothes, Not knowing what was ahead, Just a heart full of hope… They trekked through dying cities, And otherworldly forests of old, Mad mountains from textbooks, And tundra that was bitterly cold… They never thought that Santa, Could be that far away, But they persisted and pushed on, Ignoring fatigue and delays… Their love fed their hearts, And faith fueled their souls, They ignored their hunger Nor their shoes full of holes… They would find Santa they swore, They would bring joy back to life, They would bring peace to the world, And end all hatred and strife… Finally, on the night before Christmas, Standing in the frigid cold, These two young children, At last, found the North Pole… Their clothes were tattered, Nearly half dead from starvation, But they hardly noticed, As they stared at their salvation… The house was a mansion, Giving off a warm, sweet light, With squeals of laughter, Coming from inside… So overcome with joy, The children lost their fright, So cold that they hadn’t noticed, That something just was not right… No elves were around, Packaging off toys, There was no singing and dancing, About good girls and boys… And the famous sled of St. Nick, Was nowhere in sight, Instead there was Lamborghini Diablo, Gleaming ever so bright… Nothing was in the stables, Most notably, no reindeers, Only the soft pelts of fur, Waiting to be made into gear… But the sweet little children, Knowing that Santa was so near, Were blinded by their hope, Their eyes filling up with tears… Screwing up all her courage, The little girl timidly knocked, Then the laughter inside, Suddenly stopped! The door swung open, Before they could blink, There stood a buxom young lady, Wrapped in only a white mink… “Oh Nicky darling”, she cooed, “May I let them inside? It’s just two lost children, Come in, please don’t be shy…” Hesitantly the children, Stepped through the door, Still naïvely believing in love, Caring, friendship and warmth! Once inside legendary Toyland, Even more things were wrong, This was NOT the right place! Not the Toyland from songs! Instead of cheerful elves, Making toys and gifts, There were little Asian children, Working under the whip… “Oh that,” said Santa, Noticing their wide eyed stares, “Child labor is cheaper, Making more cost-efficient wares!” “But they are making purses, Not dolls, trains and rockets! And since when did Santa, Worry about bottom-line and profit?” “Since Gifford, Gap, and Gucci, Gave me a really great deal, Off shore accounts safe from taxes, And investments with high income yield!" “But what about the elves,” The little girl pressed and insisted, “They made us little kids happy, You should've been strong and resisted!” “Don’t blame me,” Santa started to rant, “They formed an Union, They had DEMANDS! “I had to replace them, The decision was hard, But they pushed me in a corner, They called me ‘Big Tub of Lard’!” The children wasn’t convinced At Santa’s tale of woe, Especially since his rug, Had a big, red, shiny nose… “What happened to Rudolph? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen? Where are your reindeer? Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen?” “It wasn’t all my fault!” Santa started to plead, “It was the coke and the crack, The booze laced with LSD… “The forced me to it, They are the ones to blame, They wanted scandals and book deals, And tabloid notorious fame!” The two aghast children, Stood with their jaws dropped, Their innocence stolen, Their childhood cropped… Then Santa got a hold of himself, Remembered who he was, And beckoned the children, To sit on his fat pudgy lap… “Come here my darlings, Please don’t be scared, I am still old man Santa, The Christmas of yesteryears…” Confused, they sought comfort, In a world gone so wrong, Their dreams were shredded, Their faith was all gone… On the trust of love alone, They have traveled so very far, Their little hearts were shattering, Their happiness forever marred… But Santa all about melted, A soft smile caressed his face, The warmth of the children, Suddenly made his heart race… Could it be possible? After all these many years, Mrs. Claus left and couldn’t take it, "Therapy" and Viagra he could not bear! To finally feel lust, After all passions gone cold, To find it in these children, How could he be so low? No, it’s wrong, He thought to himself, As he still got the drugs, From the pantry shelf… With a dismissive wave, Everyone else left, As he quickly prepared a meal, With the deftness of a chef… The aroma wafted, To where the children were, Luring them into the kitchen, Where Old Man Santa lurked… It had been ever so long, Since they had such good food, Didn’t even notice the pills, That they swallowed and chewed… Soon the huge feast, Was quickly gone, Completely replete, They started to yawn… As they quietly slumbered, Santa carried them to his bed, What happened to them then, Can not…should not…ever be said…!!! The heavens wept white snow, And the stars twinkled sadly in the sky, The earth shuddered in remorse, And the waters shamelessly cried… Toyland burned down, Later that dark Christmas night, Santa didn’t even look back, When he caught his red-eye flight… When the authorities finally arrived, Toyland was already mostly gone, Just cinder and ashes, And joyful innocence wronged… They found the boy lying naked, His young face quiet and bleak, Next to him laid the little girl, With a tear on her soft pale cheek… The shock killed them quickly, Said Forensics as they left, When hope and love deserts you, There is only the cold embrace of death… The parents were horrified, Their quiet suburbanite existence raped, What would the neighbors think? How could they face the light of day??? They quickly got a lawyer And indiscriminately filed to sue, Starting with Santa and the government, Then the FBI, police and the media too… Then the little children, Who were "friends" with the two, Got agents for made-for-TV-movie deals, And Barbara Walters interviews… Righteous Christian groups were angry, By this marring of holy Christmas night, They firmly denounced Santa and pagans, As an evil homosexual Satanic blight… "This should take care, Of love, peace and acceptance, Our God must be bribed, So pray and pay penance!!!" The media was ecstatic! The furor couldn't be better planned! The ratings were skyrocketing, The scandals more plentiful then sand… And no one ever could find Santa, But a bearded, Jell-O bellied man, Surrounded by little children, and tequila, Lives happily in Tahiti, with a nice tan… If it seems that the children, Were not mourned much at all, The fault is theirs for living, And trust was their downfall… Evil must be rewarded, And Good always punished, Rights are to be wronged, In this world without justice… The innocents are prey, And the predators will prevail, The meek may inherit the Earth, But for now they roast in Hell… So give your daddies a hug, And give your mommies a kiss, Thank the deity you paid off, That you aren't these two kids… Let this be a lesson to all you kiddies, Don’t try to make the world right! Think only of yourselves, Especially on this holiday night… So a very good night to all, And happy holiday cheer, Most important of all… Learn how to fear…