The Moose of Confusion

We came up with that at seele meeting...to indicate confusion, duh.

"I love you, too. I look up at the moon when it's gibbous, and curse it for not being full." -Remington

Tuesday night: Remington finally showed up 11ish, and we (him, me, Jessica, Bill, Melissa) went to Lyons. And were all cuddly and friendly, it was fun.

This sucks, I'm trying to remember what went on, but I can't be specific worth a damn.

Lately I have been getting annoyed with him a little while sleeping... he's been rolling over away from me, and then I get all pissed about it. Which, I tell myself, it is silly, I know he loves me, he's not dumping me...but it's ridiculous that I think that.

Newsgroup fun again...

Subject: Re: Freshman mindset
From: Remington 

Jessica said:
}:  38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
}Whose J.R.? :)

Jennifer Rutherford.  But she hasn't been shot. :)

Remington

Subject: Re: Freshman mindset
From: Jennifer Rutherford 

> }:  38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
> }Whose J.R.? :)
>
> Jennifer Rutherford.  But she hasn't been shot. :)

Only by that cupid's arrow... =)
Jennifer


Jennifer Rutherford  said:
}> }:  38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
}> }Whose J.R.? :)
}> Jennifer Rutherford.  But she hasn't been shot. :)
}Only by that cupid's arrow... =)

Awwwww....  /me blushes. 

Remington

Subject: Re: Freshman mindset
From: Matt (the guy I was e-mailing with in December or so)

: }> Jennifer Rutherford.  But she hasn't been shot. :)
:

: }Only by that cupid's arrow... =)
: 

: Awwwww....  /me blushes. 

        UGH! Okay, it's called:

A) Get a room.
B) Go through a 12 step program on how to not be so damn cheesy.
C) Take it to e-mail and continue to netsex there out of our view.
D) Pay my hospital bills when I'm brought in for neverending nausea.

>:)

Subject: Re: Freshman mindset
From: Remington 

}: Awwwww....  /me blushes. 
}       UGH! Okay, it's called:
}A) Get a room.

We have at least three to choose from.

(At least? Where else we gonna go?)

}B) Go through a 12 step program on how to not be so damn cheesy.

What's wrong with a little cheese?  My lipid panel just came back, and I
have unusually low cholesterol, so I have no reason to limit my cheese.

}C) Take it to e-mail and continue to netsex there out of our view.

You think _this_ is netsex?  You really haven't lived, have you?

}D) Pay my hospital bills when I'm brought in for neverending nausea.

No.  Don't you have insurance to cover that?

Remington 

> Jennifer Rutherford  said:
> }> }:  38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
> }> }Whose J.R.? :)
> }> Jennifer Rutherford.  But she hasn't been shot. :)
> }Only by that cupid's arrow... =)
>
> Awwwww....  /me blushes. 

I think I'll make Matt even sicker right now...

(After he read this, he laughed and said "You're brilliant, I
love you." =)

Subject: Re: Freshman mindset
From: Remington 

}I think I'll make Matt even sicker right now...
}Wanna get a room and have netsex after the Cheese Anonymous meeting
}tonight? ;)

Sure, we could get like, a room with two terminals and email each other
all night.  I better start thiking of kinky things to send you now. :)

Remington

Wednesday afternoon I had another seele meeting, which I had to leave early to go pick up some papers...which, to my surprise, weren't there when I arrived =(

All the way going over there, I had been daydreaming about Remington. Ditto coming back...doing stuff like watching some random biker guy pass and sorta imagining that was Remington (different clothes though, so I did know it wasn't him), in general acting the way that I did while in high school...one of the few things I adored in high school (at least until The Moron came along and graduated before I did) was being able to look for my lust object of the moment on campus. Finally I go to school with the guy, and he's never on the campus that I'm on...

After the non-paper-pickup, I decided to go back to the meeting. But just as I was about to cross the street and return to Roma, I thought I saw Remington again, on the corner across from me.

This time I was right. =)

I did not return to my meeting...we went off to the Silo to grab dinner before his GSA meeting started. It was so cute, walking around campus with his arm around me...aw.

I had my paper to work on that night...I had Remington come over while I was doing it to watch Clueless (I'd been telling him lines on IRC and he got interested, surprisingly), then he used my computer to do his FAFSA, then he went on IRC and chatted to people for ages, got into this loooong conversation with one guy (Lizard) over some girl they both dated ages ago, until 1 a.m. or so. I was getting tired and fed up...which does happen on occasion, even when I have no problem with computer obsession. Then I looked over at the screen and he had typed that "well, I must go. A beautiful woman is staring at me. and I'm being a fool." Awwww.

That night he was, for some reason, really acting puzzling to me (ah, the moose of confusion...). He wanted to know what I thought was going to happen, or what I wanted, or something like that that wasn't the clearest...I mean, like would we still be together in 40 years...did I eventually want kids...stuff like that. What is up with this, I kept thinking? Well, why would he be asking things like that? Not like he wants to get married or have kids anytime soon (or me, ditto)...but I suspect that he at least wants to pass on the family name sometime eventually, like in ten years maybe (if Zoe wants kids soon, she'll have to get 'em elsewhere)...I was going on about how I'm the last of the Rutherfords, and he said "well, you know my family's tradition, don't you?" That the first born son's name goes in a traditional pattern. First name: Remington. Second: mother's maiden name. Third: some well-respected person's name (Remington has said that he'd have his grandmother's last name here, Burnell (spelling?), then the last name, then the #. So our first born son would be "Remington Rutherford Burnell Stone IV." That kid would be so picked on in school (my last name is really frigging long too)...I mentioned this to him, and he sorta agreed, but then fell asleep and he probably forgot that.

My answers to the questions: that while I don't know exactly and won't predict nuffin, I could see that happening, I think. I don't think I want kids, but I might change my mind (re-evaluate when I hit thirty?) maybe...but no promises.

It was just really odd. Not that he was saying the same kinds of stuff to me- what I mean is, when I'd ask him what he wanted, he'd say to make me happy, or something along those lines, to not screw things up. Nothing that exactly classified why he was asking things like this. He really confuses me when he mentions things being well, sounding like couplehood. I don't get it, how he can say stuff like that when he loves another girl too and well, us just breaking off and being a couple like that would not exactly work. I'm not saying that I want to just be monogamous and get rid of Zoe. But him talking like that is too strange.

He confuses the both of us. I wonder what he says to her...but I don't want to hurt her feelings if he doesn't say that to her...and it would bug her. And if he does, then it would confuse the both of us.

Other stuff he said: He was amazed at the whole us-still-being-together-for-forty-years answer (well, I really don't know and am not predicting anything, but it could work, in my mind), wondered if I'd want to go off and experiment with other people...well, to be honest I really have never had any desire to go do that...but if I did, well, with the whole poly thing, I could and not lose him, y'know? Best of both worlds...he also wondered if I was dating him as some sort of "experiment" (no! I said "that's what dating is for... if it had been an experiment I wouldn't be seeing you still"). He also wanted to get into what I see myself doing in the future, or whatever (like I know)...I think he wants me to get advanced degrees, but I really don't have much interest in that, and really don't have the grades, and really don't want to TA. Sorry, Remington, but "Dr. Rutherford" sounds better to you than it does to me. I did say that I've wanted to move to San Diego for years, but if we were still together I wouldn't want to leave him...he liked that. I always figured that someday I'd be "doomed" to live somewhere because I'd go fall in love with somebody who was living somewhere dull. I did say that if we broke up I'd probably split town though.

Thursday: Remington got into Wired! It was an article on Linux World...and I think he got in just because he has a funky name (she didn't believe it was his real one) and has a funky religion and is a reverend. 'Cause what he got put in for really didn't have jack to do with Linux...oh well, I'm still proud =)

He has picked out the date for the next party...March 27. Oh damn, during spring break. I doubt my parents will let me go, I'm sure you can guess by now why they would be pains in the ass. And he won't change the date either =( I reminded him of what they were like the last time I had to ask permission to go to a party, and he said yeah, but by the end I "had them wrapped around your finger." Ha. That was a picnic compared to this..he did suggest that I "may just have to come up for the day then." Also something I doubt they'll like.

While on IRC with Remington that afternoon, he suggested that I come over (he was home messing with the computer, it's gotten to the point when he said "I've gotta see you." Awwww.)..whee, that was fun. But complicated...I need to go to the doctor (ugh), and I don't want to go, and he is really nagging me to go. Geez, it's almost like having another mommy occasionally...after self-defense I went back over there and he was still messing with the computer...he called Zoe while I was there, and I talked to her for a bit about the movies Sat. Then she got back on with him, and I forget what it was that he'd done that pissed us both off, but anyway he said that we'd both raspberried him at the same time. Great minds... He said "Love you" to her...I was surprised that I wasn't bothered by hearing that like I thought I'd be. This is weird, that I'm not bothered.

I had about fallen asleep when I looked up and saw that Remington was about to sign off...with the phrase "frumple realizes he should be on the surface of the full moon." Ai yi yi! Zoe wanted to know if I'd seen that...I said yes!!!!!!, and then someone made a crack about my sharing orgasms on the channel (no), then I made the crack that I liked to share. She liked that.

Sarah's in crisis again...Hardeep was harassing her, and she discovered that he's still friends with this one friend who tried to rape her once (oh joy), and his mother called her up three times in a row...twice not talking, just breathing on the phone, and the third time..."Sarah, this is your mother." I don't think so! Ew, creepy people.

Today: Went to breakfast with Remington and his aunt...a nice enough person, I didn't say much though, 'cause I was dead tired. They were discussing the book they're writing. Then we went back to my place and dozed some more...I didn't want him to leave, and was being really obnoxious about it, actually. But he left anyway...I said "see you Monday" and then he starts saying that he might see me on Saturday. I didn't get that at all, he's got meetings going on all day and night in Berkeley, I'm not going to Berkeley, where did he pull this out of his butt? I was all "um, whatever, call me if you figure it out." Silly, I think.

Talked to him a little on IRC, where he said that line at the top =)

Went off to Sudwerk with Sarah and Jessica to meet up with more IRC guys...Chris that I've mentioned before, Worm I've mentioned before, some friend of Chris's, and Blaise ( Lizard). Yummy...I'd seen pictures of him before, but wow, he was sure pretty in person, lovely eyes, I was feeling turned on. See what's cool 'bout the poly thing? Assuming that he had interest in me, which he doesn't, I could troll on him.

Surprisingly the IRC gang didn't think Sarah was a complete loon...they went on IRC afterwards saying that she was cool and nice and they didn't get why the nice ones go out with nuts. I think Chris (the one Remington wanted to fix her up with), and maybe Worm, and Blaise, all like her...maybe in that way? hard to determine. Blaise came up with a great nickname for her- "Fidget." =)

Finally got off my ass and made the doctor's appointment...and then made the mistake of calling Mom to tell her about it. She blew a fuse, didn't like where I'd made the appointment (somewhere more convenient than our regular HMO), and we fought, and of course I had to concede to her as always...even though if I go to the HMO I won't get an appointment for ages and ages...I also mentioned the party, and well, um, so far they don't like it. School gets out on the 25th, and my finals end a few days before that. They want me home immediately. Waaaaaaaaaaah. I really do not want to go home. I can't stand to be around them anymore. Dad just acts awful to me almost all the time. "Your father will be hurt if you don't go home and see him." Guilt, guilt, guilt! They don't like my not coming home till after the party, or my coming home and coming back up after a few days, even if it's only for one night and I don't intend on sleeping over there. She doesn't like a damn thing I do. Every little inch I try to separate from them, they completely go insane. I dread spring break.

12:20 update: Just got a phone call from Remington ("I haven't woken you up, have I?" No), they're back in town, I guess), Zoe wanted to know what theater/directions, I said I haven't the faintest, etc. He meowed at me, said he'd talk to me later, "I love you."

So he's done it in front of her too.

I wonder what time we're leaving tomorrow? Guess she'll call me about it.

I think I'd like to go to bed soon here. Before I start thinking about what they're getting up to.

I wish I'd remembered to mention the crap going on with Mom to him..I got to talk to him, and I completely forgot to. Ugh.

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