A Special Black-And-White TV Rant

My Soap-Operatic Life

"Who asked the people who write opinion columns?" Maxine from Crabby Road

The endless sexual tension.

Here's the part of the article that was bugging me:

But should this engagement/marriage be saved? Fran has pined away for Maxwell since the show debuted in November 1993, and she's borrowed from the book of Lucy and Ethel to get him to pay attention to her. But The Nanny's producers should look at TV history to see how other shows fared when the sexual tension was extinguished by a consummation of a relationship. One of the most recent examples is Ross and Rachel on Friends. One of the highlights of the show was watching David Schwimmer's hangdog look when Jennifer Aniston was around. As soon as they became a couple, boredom set in-for them and us.

The most outrageous example of sexual tension snuffed out by consummation was Maddie and David on Moonlighting. After a couple of years of verbal foreplay, they had viewers begging them to get together. Then they did it in a scene that seemed like something out of 9 ½ Weeks. Total disappointment. Then there's Sam and Diane on Cheers. After years of will-they-or-won't-they, and then when-will-they, they did. And it wasn't long before Cheers fell into predictable domestic doldrums and eventually Shelley Long just left the show.

That's not to say that these relationships can't be positive. Audiences were happy when Dr. Quinn finally married Sully. But Old West romances are a whole different story. (Just ask Marshall Dillon and Miss Kitty of Gunsmoke).

The Nanny could come up with interesting plots to keep the marriage (happy or otherwise) moving along. But remember Rhoda, the woman who lived to find a husband: Folks soon realized that after she got married, the character became watered-down, and poor Joe was sent packing. The people behind The X-Files know the secret: Keep them wanting more. -Cheryl Everette

The worst offenders on TV today are Suddenly Susan and Caroline in the City. The Nanny used to be one of those, but thankfully they have changed that pattern. I'll get to them in a minute, but first I'll respond to that article:

Personally, I was pleased when Friends chose to get Ross and Rachel together, and in a timely fashion (let's face it, five years to get the question popped is really stretching it in real life . . . Ron and Laurie, this one's for you!) without dragging it on until the show was canceled. No unrealistic crap was pulled. Let's face it here guys, in a mixed group of six attractive friends, the odds are pretty damn high that one is going to fall for the other. (Hell, in my life it only takes two ugly friends and it happens.) And they did it pretty realistically- and this is just my opinion, but I didn't think the show suffered. I was sad that they broke up, but the way they treated things worked well. I am especially bummed that they are marrying Ross off to Emily (hello? She's only been on like for a month? Who cares about her yet?), but that's another rant . . . maybe I'll do that one for the season finale. Another show that got the couple together was Lois and Clark. Now I'm sure there are a ton of people that will say that they got bored with the show from then on- but I really didn't see a problem. Let's face it, there was still a lot of conflict. Lois could still be a pain in the neck, and Clark got into so much trouble battling various guys, you never did know if they would get married, or if one of them would wind up dead, etc. It worked well for an action show. I only stopped watching the show because I could never find it on at the end. I still continue to read a fan fiction site that continues the series.

And of course, she brings up the one show that screwed it up the most for everyone else. The example that the TV execs look at and say, "Nuh-uh." I bet they call it "The Moonlighting Principle . . . never let the characters sleep together, even if you piss off the audience." I watched the show avidly, and yes, that sex scene was hot . . . so what? You wanted it to be boring? And yes, even I'll admit it, the writers screwed up. They took all the bite out of the characters. They went from bickering to sweetness and politeness. And it was boring.

(I wasn't a big Cheers watcher at that time, so I don't really have anything to say about that- but I do remember thinking that Sam and Diane were completely wrong for each other and that it would end sometime.)

Then she says that it only works if the show takes place in the Old West. I've never seen Gunsmoke (and for that matter, I was bored of Dr. Quinn a year before they got married, so I didn't care), but that's not a helluva lot of evidence there to prove your point. Oh, two shows that were Western didn't do too bad, so that's the exception.

I never saw Rhoda either, so I can't comment on that one. But so the show was (a lot of the time) about Fran getting a man. So change the focus. It won't kill you- and there were other elements of the show to watch besides man-chasing. I'll quote from comments made on that site to prove my point.

Enya- "They've still got plenty of stuff to use! Having a baby, the kids, their married life, and of course CC and Niles' relationship!!!"

Dana- "And who could play being pregnant funnier than Fran?"

Bozz- "I was beginning to wonder just how long this was going to drag out. As for the show, I figure the end is near!"

nastasi- "It's upon writer's creativity (what they have a lot)."

1. NOT water down the characters or make them drastically different from what they were before the hookup.

2. Make a list of all of the things that attracts people to these characters- and make sure that they don't change that in their scripts.

3. Couples still can have sexual tension and fight, you know. Married couples fight all the time, for crying out loud! If you must get other people to interfere in a relationship, there's always old boyfriends, flirts, marital troubles and possible affairs (Mad About You seemed to manage there)- I'm not advocating any of those, but it can happen. As for sex, it can go from will-they-or-won't-they when married too (see the fight stuff- nobody's gettin' laid then), or pregnancy/health could interfere, or they could break up/get back together- just because they've done it once doesn't mean it's the end of the world as we know it.

teej- "At least it's a different storyline! The cat and mouse game is finally over (I hope). MAYBE it'll get more interesting."

Liz- "It's sbout time they got serious! I'm so tired of being jerked around by TV shows. Maybe the ratings wouldn't dip if they'd give us what we want instead of playing us like puppets until we get sick of being teased and quit watching. Usually by the time a show goes that far I've given up because I figure they're never going to pay off."

Suddenly Susan: Originally, I thought this show was handling things well and realistically. Since the season finale last year, we've had Jack in love with Susan. While I thought her original turndown of him was just hellish (it was so sweet how he said she could improve his whole day- and then she stomped all over it!), his gleeful realization that she likes him was just too adorable and goofy. Hell, for a few episodes I was getting attracted to him! However, they did a much better job in the next episode, where Susan said that she didn't want to get into anything because he was her boss/ex-fiance's brother/a weirdo- valid, respectable, understandable reasons all. If I were her I would have said the exact same thing. And again, they were doing things well- but then two things pissed me off:

"I Saw Maddy Kissing Jacky Claus"
This was working fine, until it got to the point where Jack said that he didn't want to be with her just because she got jealous of Maddy. Understandable, that. What wasn't was why Susan didn't say, "I had decided that and I went upstairs to tell you that!" Sheesh.

The car accident thing.
I'll explain this one- while watching the show one night I saw a preview showing that Jack got in a car accident and that there would be a special 1 hour episode. I was surprised that that hadn't been held for the season finale- but I was incredibly excited . . . but it didn't happen!

Instead, we got a stupid show about how Susan didn't seem to care that he was in a wreck, and we had to watch Jack hobble around with a broken buttbone. For chickening out there (unless they've got a real treat lined up for May), this show gets a big raspberry.

Caroline in the City: In my opinion this show is the worst offender on television today, bar even "I take it back." And here's why: Every season finale so far has been bittersweet to the point of screaming, as some fluke unexpected thing is thrown in at the last minute in order to mess up the works. I have been infuriated at this show since their first season finale. Reminds me of that line at the end of Four Weddings and A Funeral (not exact quote- going by memory)- "Our timing has been bad, isn't it?" "It's been bad!"

Let's do a total on this one, shall we?

Richard loves Caroline, Caroline gets engaged to Del. Richard writes love letter she never finds. Caroline breaks off with Del, but Richard thinks she didn't want him due to her not getting the love letter and leaves town. Caroline goes to Richard, but he's already gone.

Caroline hooks up with the vet (no offense meant to any of the actors here, but did anybody give a rat's ass about the vet?) so when he does return, he doesn't say anything. Then (oh joy- even worse than any of Caroline's men) Julia arrives just as Caroline realizes she loves Richard. Julia erases Caroline's love message on the machine.

In a surprise twist, Richard eloped with the bitch goddess (never have those words been used so accurately before). Then Caroline gets together with Trevor (who I swear to God is what you would get if you combined Del and the vet) so that both of them have SO's they won't cheat on, forcing me to watch an entire stupid episode in which Richard tries to get Trevor and Caroline together (the key one), like I even remotely cared about this or was happy about it. And have you guys noticed how for a married man Richard is still alone so much? Julia's always visiting a "friend in Connecticut" or something like that, making it totally obvious that she's a plot twist and not an actual character. Now come on, who really thinks that Julia has any friends anywhere? I could bet a lot of $ that she doesn't have any female ones, or male ones . . . just a slew of ex-boyfriends, I'll betcha. And in that case, WHY THE HELL IS RICHARD LETTING HER GO OFF ALL THE TIME TO VISIT HER EX'S? Okay, okay, she probably lies and says they're girlfriends . . . but if I were him I think I'd get to wondering. My guess is that in the season finale Julia will be getting caught in bed with somebody- gotta break up the marriage somehow here. (And then with my luck and The Moonlighting Principle, Julia will wind up pregnant with Richard's child or something like that, forcing him to stay with her . . . eeeeew.)

I'll admit that Richard and Caroline would make a very odd couple. When I first started hearing "Richard loves Caroline", I was thinking, "Why would Mr. Negativity want a perky little chick? Wouldn't she drive him nuts? (hello, Shelly)" . . . and then I looked at my own parents . . . I guess that's enough said- no logic there!

But as a couple, I think they'd be darn entertaining. The fights would be hysterical (and not annoying as hell the way my parents' fights are). And if they broke up, how they'd deal with still having to work together would be interesting too. And if the show keeps up these rug-pulling events each year, I am definitely going to quit watching it. And the second Julia gets pregnant, I'm outta here! This is a sitcom, NOT a soap (in soaps everything is screwed up, and therefore I really can't apply these standards to those shows), and we really don't need to be treated like that. At least in a soap there's a huge bunch of other characters to concentrate on if you get annoyed with a couple. So for torturing us for three seasons, and another to grow on (because I'm sure they'll be yanking the rug again), Caroline gets FOUR raspberries.

Links to other sites on the Web

Yahoo TV
Nanny editorial
Lois & Clark Season 5
Graphics Station (the man in the box)

Page last updated April 8, 1998.
If you agree that more couples should get together on television, you know where to e-mail. And if you don't, you're obviously a TV exec who surfed in here by mistake. In that case you can e-mail me at imright@yourewrong.com.
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© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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