A brief note: I am wondering why the hell I can't flirt or show interest in guys (other than staring like a psycho if they're cute). And if they do show interest in me, I hide. How pathetic!
I forgot to put this in earlier (it was on a Friday, I was busy), but one day as I go to the DC for lunch this guy rides by on a bike and starts staring at me. (And I was a mess that day. Go figure) I look at him mainly because he bears a resemblance to one of my lusthoneys from a class last quarter. He later stares at me in the DC, and let's face it, this guy's a lot better looking than the last few I've messed with. Do I do anything about it? No. I hide and then bitch to Patricia that "some weirdo is staring at me!" Sheesh!
Incidentally, lookalike guy was actually at my table (the far end) tonight, but he ignored me. Hmmm.
And on the same subject, the cute guy that helped me with my computer when I moved in has been around occasionally, but I've hid when I saw him in the DC. I usually enter the building through the lobby in hopes that I'll see him. In fact, a few days ago he was actually in there. Do I do Mom's advice of smile and say hi? Nooo, I sneak upstairs before he turns around and sees me. I am pathetic.
Tonight in the DC I ran into him again and he actually saw me- yes, we did smile and say hi. But no more than that. Maybe I'm improving? Ha, probably not. And it's not like this is gonna go anywhere at the end of the session, so what was the point?
Today's entry is going to be full of quotes and other stuff I've collected lately, planned to put up, and then didn't. That's all, folks:
This first one is from one of my message boards, Creative Sparks, it's my response to questions on why you write:
Question: "Is it because I have something truly important to say that I want the world to read,"
(snicker) Not most of the time!
Q: "or because I have something to say and no other way to express it except in written form?
Close. It's a more polished, permanent way. Since I don't have a tape recorder running on what I say (be it good or bad), writing immortalizes it. I liked DOUG's remark "And yeah, I'm addicted to writing, I put it on paper even though I KNOW they'll never read it." too.
I've also become more exhibitionistic emotionally (in almost all respects, go on about my love life, gripes, what have you to EVERYONE around me), which is what possessed me to get a Web page so I could now broadcast my rants to THE WORLD!
Q: "What inspires you to scribe what's on your mind rather than say it?"
I do say it, as well as write it. The writing is a bit more coherent though.
The next bits are from Lizzie of Dear Jackie Robinson:
I've had this fiction, you see, that I've built up in my head, which is that I'm over all that now. I don't get infatuated. I can do without boys; if they come along, great! But who needs 'em? I'm through with that crap.
When you're alone, you are so vulnerable to heartbreak, if what you're looking for is simple romantic companionship, a best friend, someone who thinks you're just swell and wants to take you out for ice cream. You're so vulnerable because that sounds simple and easy to find, but it's not. It's the hardest thing in the world.
Please, god, if what I have goes away, don't let me want that anymore. I don't want to want."
"I have no sympathy for that 'I'm a guy so I don't know how to deal with emotions' bullshit. Your friend is unhappy, you stick around and act like a fucking friend. If you can't manage that, then you have no business mingling in decent society. You should stay in your fucking cave and spare the rest of us your sob story."
"I was remembering that feeling of wanting someone to feel a particular way about you, and trying to gauge every word and expression to figure out whether they are, in fact, feeling that way.
The next one is from a journal entry in which the author mentions seeing an old boyfriend of hers on television. It's called Up From Sloth:
"I can't get over how bizarre a world this is; how a piece of my soul was beamed around the planet and rendered on the screen in my living room at the precise moment I decided to look at it. How many events have to align just right in order for that to happen? How many such things have I just barely missed because one necessary link was imperfect?"
Hmm, doesn't this one sound like me? These quotes are from The Misanthropic Bitch on children:
I blame her parents. Again, I reiterate, I think they are wonderful people, but they are like most parents today. They do way too much for their kids. My ex-friend, even with all of his strong points, is an Italian prince who still has his mom make his bagel in the morning and clean his semen-stained boxers. His sister is an Italian princess, adorned with a name chain, highlighted hair, and dragonlady nails. They do everything for their kids.
I used to be pissed off at my parents for making me do things for myself. No one else had to vacuum, make dinner, clean the dishes, wash their clothes, etc. (They weren't slave drivers. I didn't do all of this on a daily basis.) I am so grateful for that now. I know how to take care of myself. If I asked my mom to make me a sandwich, she would say, "Yeah, right. Go make it yourself and while you're in there, make one for me." She rarely cut me slack. She wanted me to be self-sufficient. Few kids today have that luxury."
"Everyone always says parents care less and less after each kid is born. The firstborn is lucky to stay out after 10PM on a school night, but by the time the second kid reaches the same age, they're having sex in their bedroom and running a drug cartel from the furnished basement.
For the record, I do believe in God, but I do NOT believe in religion. Basically, that's because of stuff like this. From Blasphemy Vision:
Christianity is the most prevalent and most obnoxious religion in America."
"Speaking of hell, one thing that has always annoyed me about fun-dementedists (fundamentalist Christians) is that they believe anyone who accepts Jesus Christ as their savior will go to heaven, even mass murderers like Adolph Hitler. Yet anyone who does not accept Christ as their savior, even if they are otherwise benevolent, will be sent by God to be tortured for the rest of eternity in Hell. The thing that annoys me is that they still have the balls to turn around and say that their deity is good and forgiving.
The next batch is from this site- I hope this is the right address, as I think I wrote it down wrong: Doug's Days and Nights
Give him/her WEB access and they won't bother you for quite a while...
Chores: The very worst thing about these mundane tasks, however, and the one thing that they have in common, is that they're BORING! And I hate being bored. More that almost anything else in this world, I hate being bored. I don't do well with boredom. I go crazy, and do something that's not boring, like quitting vacuuming. When I'm part-way done. Then I can go play on the computer, or something that's not boring. But... how guilty would I feel, laying on my deathbed, thinking "I wasted my life! I did boring things! Let me start all over again...". Yeah, see, I would feel really bad about that. So I'm not gonna let it happen.
The purpose of love is getting caught.
Almost every man is sexually attracted to almost every woman."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat. Give a man religion, and he will starve to death while praying for a fish. (someone on the web)
The main difference between Republicans and Democrats is… The republicans take the money out of my pocket & give it to their rich friends; The Democrats take the money out of my pocket & give it to their poor friends…
The last of the batch of fat quotes is from Garrison Keillor's column in Salon:
(Now this one I plan to use eventually in an entry that will be wonderful . . . if I ever get around to writing it. This is from a letter from a happy woman with "two bright, beautiful daughters" and a new boyfriend, wondering if she was too happy to be a writer.) Suffering goes with being human, and in that sense, yes, you do have to suffer to write good stuff. But it doesn't have to be concurrent. And it doesn't have to be your own angst, it could be someone else's that you experience imaginatively. Your bright beautiful daughters' angst, for example. Imagine how, deep down, they might despise the man of your dreams and adore the schmuck and employ devious means to punish you over time. Perhaps they will run away with schmucks of their dreams whom they know would cause you dreadful angst. Your two bright beautiful daughters riding with two 50ish bikers named Tiny and Big Al. Life is going great right now, Content, but there is plenty of angst right around the corner. You can defend your daughters by writingabout evil and sorrow in advance of their providing you with it."
"The psychological advantage is with the abandoner, who steels himself to make the break, announces it, fends off all entreaties and marches off into the night, a brave soldier who did what needed to be done. Meanwhile, the abandoned feels like shit.
And here's a few links to full pages I think should be checked out. These two are from a site known as Surface Tension. The entries are:
up with viagra. Here's the dirt on men, penises, and periods.
May the Force be with you. And I thought I was psychic?
I've had these pages bookmarked for the purpose of putting quotes from them here, but I can't specifically remember which parts I was going to do. Taquoa's on the phone as I'm typing, so I can't check. I'm just gonna put the links up and go by memory.
who me? I think this one was on spoiledness. Let's hope, anyway.
Roscoe and Steve As I recall, this one had an interesting entry on the 50 Things That Make Me Hot. I thought about trying one of my own here, but then decided that a. it would attract more pervs and I don't want that, and b. frankly, it just gets too weird.
Potentially Outed Meghan debates having her journal go public to the world and why that would be a bad idea.
I've got a few lists I'd like to add, but frankly, it's getting too long here and I should be doing my reading instead of a double entry. Maybe next time.
Links to other sites on the Web
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
Get your own Free Home Page
