Singlehood

My Soap-Operatic Life

"I have always been principally interested in men for sex. I've always thought any sane woman would be a lover of women because loving men is such a mess. I have always wished I'd fall in love with a woman. Damn." -Germaine Greer

Anyway, today I had another mini-shocker in the DC. I've already mentioned somewhere (I think) that there's some guy in the dorms that from behind looks like The Moron. In the DC today, I first saw another guy who kinda resembled him- although actually he reminded me of another guy I'd met somewhere who looked like him too. Yes, I'm twisted, whyever do you ask? But the weirder one was that a few seconds later I spied a guy who bore a striking resemblance (in coloring, size, and smile) to the guy I had a thing for previous to The Moron. I was kinda surprised, as that's rather rare. I had to think for a second, "Could it be? Nah, he's not smart enough to get in here." And I went by the pool and saw him down there too. Hmmmm.

Slightly off topic here, but we got our last assignment in design- to do a package box, only it has to be unusual. He kept plugging us to use the more expensive/harder to get/difficult to use materials instead of cardboard. Sheesh, he really thinks I'm gonna be able to go out and get polystyrene? (It's pretty much Styrofoam, but a big ol' block.) I don't know what I'll do yet or when I'll do it (I'll be busy this weekend, plus I'll have a final).

I was talking to Demma last night, and she mentioned a test she has to take eventually (which I also think The Moron will have to take too). I said, "I hope he flunks. Heck, he probably will." and she said I was being too harsh. Really? (Okay, he'd probably pass, but by the skin of his teeth anyway, I wasn't too far off in my rage) Why should I be nice, really? I think I'm a bit entitled to make rude cracks about him. For all I know he does it about me. No, he probably forgot who I was by now. But still, why should I be nice?

Oooh, something else with the clique happened (or shall I say, didn't happen) last night: Two of them decide to go to the grocery store, they ask Patricia (this was all in another room, I'm in the living room) if she wants to come. As they leave, they don't ask me to come, but do ask if I want anything. I'm not sure what to make of that. All I know is, I'm going to be glad I'm gone this weekend- Ami wants to go on a road trip and the other two are debating whether or not to go. Sounds like a LOT of fun going on at my place.

Tonight, I decided to go to the study lounge (unlike the last building I lived in, there is somewhere else to go to study besides the library, which is too damn far to go when you're not on campus, in my opinion) instead of hanging around here and watching the clique walk out of the room five minutes after I've entered it half the time, or listen to the giggling coming from the closed door. I've had enough. So I went to the lounge and wound up helping one of Yemmy's friends (she's met a lot of people in the language program), Salem (I hope I got that right, but he said it was spelled like that) with English words. I suspect he was getting a thing for me (he wanted to know how I spelled my name, and after he wrote it down he added "My best teacher", and later brought me some fruit.) Not that he was bad-lookin' here either. But still, I felt bad enough when I wasn't exactly understanding what he was pronouncing (then again, with English words it is difficult), and that would only keep up in dating. Then again, since I'm gone in a week and he leaves for Seattle in the fall, well, nothing going.

I came back only to watch South Park tonight (GROSS episode, and let's face it, who DIDN'T predict that Kenny would die by being hit with the dodgeball? Too easy. Although I thought having Kyle's back to the audience to say "You bastards!" was interesting.). Anyway, Ami's friend Mike was over, despite his being horribly sick (sore throat), lying on the couch (note to self: don't sit on couch until germs wear off) wrapped in blankies. Now I already thought Mike was cute the first time I saw him (although Ami seems to think that dating him would be a BAD idea. Incidentally, he's living somewhere around where I am in Castilian next year) in a big-nosed, squinty-eyed sort of way (some guys look good like that, some don't) before, but tonight, all wrapped up in the blankies, he looked adorable. (Yep, another example of me being attracted to somebody who isn't back, while someone IS attracted to me and I'm not attracted back. Gawd, I'm sick of this happening to me!!! Why? Why? Why? I feel bad on two levels, for chrissake) I wanted to go right over to the couch and kiss him while his eyes were closed. Sheesh. Ridiculous, like I wouldn't get in trouble for that one (and sick to boot)! Sure, I kissed The Moron when he was sick (under normal circumstances though, I try not to breathe the sick person's AIR when I'm around them), but I was in the grip of FEELINGS at the time and was being an idiot. This would be catching a killer throat for pure lust. Bad idea, bad, bad!

Some stuff I was thinking about in the context of relationships:

It really sucks when there's one person in a marriage who wants kids and the other doesn't. On the one hand, one person is denied the chance to reproduce when they want to; on the other hand, no one should be forced to have a kid that they don't want. However, I think it's worse if it's the man that doesn't want kids and the woman who does than vice versa. Why the hell do women have to have a time clock in their bodies anyway? Men can knock up chicks when they're 80, although by that point they're not fathers so much as they are sperm donors, and only have slightly more involvement with the child before they drop dead or become senile. But really, look at the likely situations:
Woman doesn't want kids and man does: The woman can change her mind at any time she wants, or not, but it's her decision as to whether or not she reproduces. The man can just wait until the woman dies or divorces him or whatever, find himself a hot young thing and voila. Sure, it's not the way they wanted it to be, but at least they've spread seed.
Man doesn't want kids and woman does: Woman either forces the man to have a kid and then the kid has a jerky dad, or she follows his wishes and abstains. The man can and might change his mind at any time. However, if the man changes his mind too late, he will dump her and find himself a hot young thing to mother his kids, leaving the first wife wasted and unfufilled.

Frankly, this isn't fair.

On another topic, there's something I wanted to bring up in here about couplehood. I call it "N" Syndrome.

Think of some famous couples in history. Romeo and Juliet. Frick and Frack. Abbott and Costello. You get the picture. Then say their names aloud. What do you say? Do you say "Romeo and Juliet?" No, you probably said this: "Romeo n'Juliet." That's the "N" in N Syndrome. When you and someone else, as a pair, have become so engraved in the minds of everyone around you that they no longer say your names together as "Joe and Jane." You are now Joe n' Jane, a unit. (Until you break up, anyway.)

I first became aware of this phenomenon at family gatherings at Uncle Bruce and Auntie Dolores's. (Made it a relief to go to the other aunt and uncle's, where no one's old enough to date yet) Their children, Tammy and Ron, started having SO's. And pretty soon, they became units, even without a wedding ring to establish that. If one of them showed up without the other at a family dinner, everyone in the room would have to ask where the other N person was, and the remaining N would have to explain his/her absence with a plausible excuse. Dinners went like this- well, I suspect they are still going like this, as last I heard, Laurie no longer wants to go to family gatherings so that they will have nothing to gossip about her. Little does she realize that not giving them anything to gossip about is the WORST sin ever, and she'll be talked about even more. Okay, so back to what I said, here's how the routine goes:
Family Members 1 and 2 arrive and spot Ron. "Hi Ron, where's Laurie?"
"She's at work."
FM's 1 and 2: "Oh."
FM's 3 and 4 arrive. "Hi, Ron. Where's Laurie tonight?"
"She's at work."
FM's 3 & 4: "Oh, that's too bad."
FM's 5, 6, and 7 arrive: "Hi, Ron, what happened to Laurie?"
FM's 1, 2, 3, & 4: "She had to work."
Auntie Dolores: "Well, I can't believe she had to work tonight. That's so disrespectful . . . (okay, went on a tangent there)
See what I mean? You no longer count as a presence by yourself, but that you make up A UNIT. If your other half doesn't show, it's BAD and UNACCEPTABLE and YOU WILL BE INTERROGATED AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE MISSING PERSON ALL NIGHT LIKE YOU KILLED THEM OR SOMETHING. Sheesh! My God, how irritating is that? No longer being able to do what you want because you can no longer travel without your N? Can we say "codependent culture" or what?

Frankly, the N people scare me. I don't know how they manage it- first to become as Siamese twins who can no longer think or travel alone (which is ridiculous. Not only do we have a divorce rate that goes through the roof, there's widow(er)hood, MIA, etc. - you might as well not lose your skills to live alone from atrophy and disuse), then after the breakup, to handle all the questioning as to why you are no longer N'd. To face the world as a person, not an N'd construction. No wonder breakups are hard, you're demolishing your shared space on the Noah's Ark of life.

Obviously, I am not ready to handle such a thing. I thought I could manage to avoid that with The Moron- he seemed the perfect person to get the companionship/physical with while still being able to have holidays at my own family's house. That's something I don't understand- why boyfriends and girlfriends who AREN'T engaged MUST spend the holidays together. What I mean by that is, they can get together during the day, but why must one person absent him/herself from their family's Thanksgiving dinner to be with their (probably transient) SO's family that they barely know? Why bother to get involved with the family on that level, plus piss off your parents, when most of the time you're just going to break up and never see any of those people again anyway. Of course, I am influenced here by the facts that a. my mother would guilt trip me to kingdom come if she didn't get to see me on a holiday, and b. I prefer to have as little of my family as possible get to know who I date. My family will only be frightened by my date, and vice versa. The Moron met four of my family members (parents included), and frankly, I don't think my family should get attached any more. I think it's very appropriate to spend a holiday with your SO if you're engaged- so you know what exactly you're getting into, if it's bad you can still bail- but not before then.

Why this entry for today is entitled "Singlehood" is because I found a few links in Salon on it. Very good ones. They're a little more eloquent today than I am, so I'll just put the links up:
The Merry Recluse: You don't HAVE to be miserable being single!
Heifers in Tulle: This is what I fear my future will be- being the last one as everyone else jumps off into the abyss that is married life, and then getting ragged on for it. (Incidentally, I was amazed that Courtney Weaver was actually IN the area I'm from! Makes me wonder why any civilized city chick would want to come to Hicksville.)
And on other topics, I just felt these had to be shared:
chatterbox: Lizzie's got her page so she can chatter too.
Saving Private Ryan: The Review: This was a very interesting review of the show, especially her initial reactions to it (you'll have to see those for yourself). On the one hand, I know it's really good, on the other hand I just can't take all that killing and gore and heartbreak. I was terrified watching the previews for Titanic, and my parents think that I'm gonna be able to take this?

Links to other sites on the Web

Lorraine's Animation Creations (heart row)
By Design (design, girl)

I wonder who's winning the battle of the sexes? Anyone know? Keeping score?

© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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