"This is the nineties, not the nineteen hundreds. Spinsters are often regarded as clever career women who've avoided the perils of marriage and children. They're not repressed or twisted, and as a matter of fact, statistics show that an unmarried woman is likely to have less illnesses and live longer. The only thing that might have sent them off their trolleys in the days before I wass born wass that society treated them as failures and freaks." Hamish Macbeth, Death of a NagSomething I forgot to rant about last night on South Park: The trend of "awareness." Namely, I don't get it.
There's a couple of all-Asian sororities on campus, and in both of their promo posters and signs around campus they say that their sorority "promotes Asian awareness." Huh? They're promoting that Asians exist? Is this true? If it is . . . well, uh . . . I already knew that. I've lived with several. Not that I don't think it's nice to see a Greek organization do something other than get drunk, I just want to be able to understand what it is, even if I can't join it. And before any Greeks get pissed at me, remember that one of my ex-roommates was in a sorority. Yes, they did some things, but there was also the drinking. Don't BS me about that.
It seems like every time some celebrity or their relative gets a disease, common or not, they now have to go around "making people AWARE of the disease." Not "how to avoid or prevent it", not "educating people about the disease", like the whole can't-catch-AIDS-at-the-drinking-fountain thing. But "awareness" is something that I don't understand. Well, I kinda do and don't. If it's something rare, and it can be prevented, sure, I get it. Advising people to go to the doctor to catch cancer early is good. I just don't get really why they need to make people aware of the diseases. What is their message? "Look, I have a disease and it's bad"? Reminds me of some Spice Girl commercials on SNL, "Try not to get the chicken pox, it's BAD." On South Park their purpose was to make people understand the disease so that people wouldn't make fun of Nurse Golem any more, and I get that. But somehow there's something weird about it that I can't pick out. Then again, I was starting to feel as exasperated as the nurse with all the hype going on.
The day began oddly, with my having a dream. Remember my mentioning yesterday that I dreamed about the guy I had a thing for before The Moron? Well, I dreamed about him last night. Haven't done that one in quite awhile. Guess it was set off by that lookalike in the building.
Anyway, he was the roommate (in a dorm room) of one of my friends (a girl, oddly enough), and he was being really nice, showing me his stuff, etc., and I remember thinking something like, "Hey, we're really alike." I wasn't getting attracted to him again (thank God), but was thinking along the lines of "I could handle being friends with him now that I'm over him." I woke up and remembered that I no longer see this guy, therefore making that silly. I don't know though, in a way I'd kinda like to be friends with him again- I was a long time ago, and at least this time the old hormones would be under control (been there and done that). I hope. But like I said, it's silly.
At breakfast, ran into Salem again (he said hi). Then went to art history, where I became majorly depressed. Now, the last test we had, we had to memorize all the pictures he showed in class that were also in the textbook- names, artists, location, and dates. Which added up to 53.
For the final- while it is NOT cumulative (it normally is, "but he's being nice because we got the book late"), we now have to memorize EVERY SINGLE PICTURE IN THE BOOK'S CHAPTERS that we had to read (I can't even count all those pages), PLUS EVERY SINGLE ARTWORK DONE BY ARTISTS IN THE BOOK THAT ARE NOT IN THE TEXTBOOK THAT WERE SHOWN IN CLASS. His "logic" (logic my ass!) for this is that "the university's formula is three hours of studying for every hour of class, so you guys should be studying for twenty-one hours a week to get credit."
That is just INSANE. Who the hell decided this was a good idea? Does that make any logical sense? No, it does not. And making us memorize a RIDICULOUS number of dates is unfair. Oh, here's his other logic: "You should learn the method of historical date memorization, it's a useful skill." For WHAT? I'm doing English and design, which hopefully don't require 60,000 dates memorized. And if they did, I'd drop 'em. NOT a "skill" I plan to put into use. Like my French, except French would be more useful (if I ever went to Europe anyway- which I'm not). I can't do the extra credit paper either, because I've got 60,000 dates to memorize, a project to do, a busy weekend, and therefore no time. And he claims we'll do BETTER on the final? My ass!
Continuing on yesterday's theme of marriage vs. singlehood, I have a few more things to post. The first one is a list of replies to the age-old question that I really enjoyed:
25 Snappy Comebacks to the age old question "Why aren't you married yet?"
1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
4. Nobody would believe me in white.
5. Because I just love hearing this question.
6. Just lucky, I guess.
7. It gives my mother something to live for.
8. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole. (My favorite one!)
9. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
11. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
12. It didn't seem worth a blood test. (This one's good too!)
13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. (Actually, this IS kinda one of my reasons. I don't even like doing MY OWN chores.)
14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
15. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
16. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. (Hmm, good one)
18. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. (True)
19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
20. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
21. We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it. (This one's GREAT.)
22. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. (This is probably going to be The Moron's excuse someday when he can't blame everything on school.)
23. Why aren't you thin? (This one's for my aunt.)
24. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
25. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Next is a quote I got off of Creative Sparks, from a recently engaged chick (loved her when she was on The Spot:
"I was never one of those little girls who imagined herself walking down the aisle or getting jewelry. In my imagination, I was a single vixen with a baby and a house that I bought all on my own." -Laurie PlaksinI am amazed. There was one other chick in the world who didn't presume marriage was just around the corner? Sounds like me, minus the kid (yikes).
The next one is a comic strip (which I'll just have to tell you about) I found in a paper up here. It features a guy and a girl, plus another guy.
First guy: "Larry, I'd like you to meet Susan, my . . . errr . . . mate . . . uhhh . . . my companion . . . you know, my partner . . . actually, my closest friend . . . errr, uh, my lover . . . my soulmate . . . my significant other, if you will . . . "
Larry: "Oh, you're an item? Going together? A couple? Romantically involved? A monogamous pair? Domestic partners? Is that it?"
The fourth and final one is something I got off a UCD newsgroup FAQ on college life. I felt that I should repeat it:
Should I get married after I graduate from college?
That's a very personal decision, but many people whom I know do get married towards the conclusion of their undergraduate education or shortly thereafter. Many other people also make plans to get married at this time. Too often this is done for all of the wrong reasons. I can honestly say that most people whom I meet do not understand that the institution of marriage is primarily a legal contract that creates many legal obligations that have little or nothing to do with love, romance, companionship, or security (the most common reasons that people give me for why they want to get married). If you are not married, your default next of kin are your parents (or siblings, etc.). However, the person that you marry replaces your parents (or siblings) as your legal "next of kin." In other words, if you are in the hospital, your spouse becomes the person who decides whether or not to pull the plug on you.
When you marry someone, not only does that person become your legal guardian (i.e., next of kin), you become that person's legal guardian. This means that you become responsible for all of your spouse's legal and financial obligations and he or she becomes responsible for all of yours. This is true whether or not either one of you knows what legal or financial obligations your spouse assumes or has assumed in the past. If your spouse is a compulsive gambler or drug addict, he or she can drive you into bankruptcy (usually without giving you any clues that this is happening); if your spouse cheats on his or her taxes, you must make good with Uncle Sam. If you decide that you want to end your marriage, you can do so, but it will cost you dearly in attorneys fees.
Why do people get married?
There are many reasons, but the most legitimate reason that I have heard is that both partners in a committed relationship want to formalize their long-term commitment to have an exclusive relationship with each other. If this is true for you and your future spouse, then you should think long and hard about the inadvertent consequences of making such a commitment. Circumstances will change, and so will you and your future spouse. Make plans accordingly.
Do you have any advice for someone who wants to get married?
While I won't give you any legal advice, my personal advice is that you sit down with your future spouse and write down what obligations you intend to assume for each other (legal and otherwise) once you are married. Start with the default obligations that are part of every marriage contract and continue from there. If one of the terms of your marriage contract presents a problem, then you should resolve that problem as best you can before tying the knot. While you can't work out all of your problems before you get married, you can work out some of them, and you might save yourself a fortune in future attorneys fees.
What can I expect after I get married?
Everything will change, and there's no way to predict how things will change. Even if you and your spouse are the same people before and after your marriage, the world will treat you differently after you get married. As a result, you will both begin to see yourselves and the rest of the world differently and make whatever adjustments are necessary. One of the most fundamental changes in the way that the world treats you when you are married is that you are no longer recognized as an individual. You are treated as one member of a couple. Most of your friends will also be married couples because the lifestyles of your single friends will be incompatible with yours, so your single friends will probably drift away. -David F. Prenatt, Jr.
Depressing, ain't it?
Anyway, I'll be gone/busy for the weekend, and busy for the next weekend, so don't expect a lot of writing here in the next week or so.
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© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
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